Y'all, took some valium and had a little bit of wine last night--I know probably not the healthiest thing to do, but damn if that anxiety didn't just float the fuck away. I still feel the effects of the valium this morning, and I have a bit of a head cold, and still, when I think about certain colleagues I want to tell them to go fuck themselves, but as far as how I feel in general, I feel better, overall. I will get to work out tomorrow. I will get to go out of town for a day and a half this weekend (although the amount and level of family there is stressing me out a little bit, okay, a lot, but whatevs), but the J is coming home this afternoon/tonight, so I'll get to see him, and I should be done with grades by about 10:45 today.
I do sorta feel like just disappearing into my bed for a few days with absolutely no responsibility, no thoughts of work or scholarship, no tv, no books, no human contact. Just a few days to myself. But I'll have to take having the afternoon to myself as a substitute.
Anyway, I'm actually going to do something toward the damn sci-fi article now.
Friday, May 19, 2017
Thursday, May 18, 2017
I think I need some valium. I have some. I don't like taking it, but I ran out of my meds on Sunday and just got them refilled this morning, and it's becoming increasingly clear to me that I cannot go without them. I cannot describe how I am feeling right now.
I am ready for the quarter to be done. I am so ready. I think I checked out about two weeks ago. A lot of us feel like this has been hands down one of our worst spring quarters in a long time. I wish the husband were home. I always feel like I'll get more done when he's gone, but it turns out that's not the case. It's like the good part of me goes on vacation and I just sit at home and watch unsolved mysteries until I fall asleep. I am having a ridiculously hard time coping with the enormous stress of this sci fi chapter that I cannot do.It is such a major mental block and I'm scared as hell. Even more daunted by it than I was my dissertation.
I want it to be done.
Perhaps though all will be better once the meds kick back in and I am a sane person again. I do not like how I feel right now. If I could go to bed, I totally would. As a matter of fact, I may just leave and go home. There's no point in my being here.
I'm going to do that. I will feel so much better.
I am ready for the quarter to be done. I am so ready. I think I checked out about two weeks ago. A lot of us feel like this has been hands down one of our worst spring quarters in a long time. I wish the husband were home. I always feel like I'll get more done when he's gone, but it turns out that's not the case. It's like the good part of me goes on vacation and I just sit at home and watch unsolved mysteries until I fall asleep. I am having a ridiculously hard time coping with the enormous stress of this sci fi chapter that I cannot do.It is such a major mental block and I'm scared as hell. Even more daunted by it than I was my dissertation.
I want it to be done.
Perhaps though all will be better once the meds kick back in and I am a sane person again. I do not like how I feel right now. If I could go to bed, I totally would. As a matter of fact, I may just leave and go home. There's no point in my being here.
I'm going to do that. I will feel so much better.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Is it wrong that I'm having yet another day when I want to tell the world to just fuck off? It's weird, because I'm actually in a very good mood. I have the stress of the world in this sci-fi chapter hanging over my head, which I know the best cure for that is to just freaking do it and all will be well.
I'm just so done with this quarter. I really am. I have until Friday though. One class is done. Another is mostly done today. I'm tired of the bullshit here. I'm just tired. I'm looking forward to doing some things that I want to do. I want this summer to be relaxing.
Maybe I'm just still ornery from not getting much sleep Sunday night. My new glasses are a bit tight and I think giving me a headache. I want to go home, have lunch, put my pjs on, and do some work I want to do.
Anyway, that's all I got. I just needed to clear my head out before I started working on some other things. For those of you who are already done, I'm super jelly of you.
I'm just so done with this quarter. I really am. I have until Friday though. One class is done. Another is mostly done today. I'm tired of the bullshit here. I'm just tired. I'm looking forward to doing some things that I want to do. I want this summer to be relaxing.
Maybe I'm just still ornery from not getting much sleep Sunday night. My new glasses are a bit tight and I think giving me a headache. I want to go home, have lunch, put my pjs on, and do some work I want to do.
Anyway, that's all I got. I just needed to clear my head out before I started working on some other things. For those of you who are already done, I'm super jelly of you.
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