Holy stormy weather Batman! It's rough out there!
Well, not too much to report on this home front but storms. Yesterday I was laid up for all the day with some back problems, so I called in sick. I felt immediately guilty for doing so, which made my back hurt even more, and I've narrowed the problem down to my having been slumped over the computer at the kitchen table. So I finally got off my keester yesterday and straightened up the office enough so that I can work in here now, which will be important for Friday and for Monday because I have drafts of papers coming in on both of those days. My better chair is in here with a bigger screen for the computer; it's higher up. It's just a more sound working environment all together.
But here's some craziness that's been going on in my neck of the woods: there have been a string of escalating home invasions in the last week! Three in one week is a whole helluva lot around here. People are freaked out. Apparently it started way far north, like an hour from here, and seems to be moving progressively south. What seems to have been the first was just a break in in broad daylight, the friend of a friend, sort of in my neck of the woods, while the person was at work at least. Then it moved south about 5 miles to a break-in and rape. Then it escalated another mile south to break-in and murder! I am completely freaked the fuck out, especially since the husband is gone for this two week AT ( annual training) and then he has a school that he's going to after that. I wasn't even this scared when I lived in Fancy Town!
Here's the only comfort I have--the places that have been robbed appear to be homes that are not in neighborhoods. It gets rural pretty quick around here, so I think these places have been places that have lots of tree cover and are off the street a little bit. And they're not tweekers, because they are taking the valuables not just things for quick cash (like some other break-ins in an older neighborhood last year--but those guys were caught). And the robberies seem to be moving south because there is more development on this side of the highway.
The other two people who were robbed lived alone, no pets, off the beaten path somewhat. The murdered woman was 63 and not in good health. And the police do believe it was murder, not that she died and then someone robbed her.
I'm hoping that since our dogs sound much bigger than they are (you can hear them in the street when they are barking inside), and by keeping the blinds somewhat closed, you can't tell how big or small they actually are, I'm hoping the dogs and exterior lights will be enough of a deterrent. Also I'm hoping that I'm in a neighborhood with occasion police patrol helps, too. To be safe though, at night, I have all the doors barricaded with chairs: the front door with a heavy armchair, the side door has a kitchen table chair wedged underneath it, and fortunately, the back porch has so much crap on it that it's like an obstacle course back there anyway, so if someone tried that door, there'd be a ruckus (and that light is off for that reason--so no one can see the crap on the porch), but there's also a chair in front of that door, too. If the robberies and other horrible things move back up north and start taking place in neighborhoods, I'm going to talk to the landlord about putting in a security system. I'm hoping, too, that the robbers are assuming that a neighborhood filled with college students isn't going to offer a lot of bounty either. Not if they're stealing jewelry and valuables. It seems like they are moderate risk takers looking to make more of a score than a debit card and a playstation or so. Or that's my assessment based on my t.v. watching that I'm telling myself in order to be able to get some sleep and not live in a state of panic.
I keep my bedroom door locked and the land line charged and by my bed. At this point, I'm not sure what else I can do to be safe.
So yeah. Nice, huh? I guess I'll have the husband show me how to use the shotgun when he comes back for his day of leave this weekend.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Folks! This summer teaching is wearing me the eff out! And it's only been one week! Egads y'all! The pace I set for this class is ridiculous, and I have no one to blame but myself, but $hit, what can one do when you've got to get them to write a certain number of pages and cover a certain amount of material in six weeks?? I have a couple of "breaks" written into the schedule where we'll be watching a tv show or a movie (all of which are related to the readings and their paper topics--it's only really a partially free day for me--we still have to talk about all of this stuff, but it's better than standing up there for an hour talking). Plus, I'm plagued by fantasies of what life would be like if the husband gets one of the jobs he applied for (actually, it would secure his Army career which has some cons but lots of pros actually, but really, the quickest way to make sure he doesn't get the job is to fantasize about life if he did. Stupid Murphy and his stupid laws. So now I am trying really hard to envision then how much life is going to suck until he graduates four years from now).
I'm also avoiding this pedagogy piece that I have to write by the first. It'll get done, but damn, yo, I don't know how or what to do with it. I have no sense of the article, and it's going to require more energy than I had originally thought (which is why I agreed to write it), but it's good for me anyway to write it because that will get me closer to my tenure requirements.
But here's the real problem. I'm obsessed now with this. Like seriously. As soon as I finish one book, I immediately buy another. Mostly it's because I feel freaking great (and really have for the last two months). I'm letting this be my avoidance for the thing I don't want to really write, but I cannot, I mean, I absolutely cannot start on the other two articles until this one is done. And therein lies the other problem. The two things I'm really focused on (one is the whole food thing; the other my pop culture obsession and desire to immerse myself immediately into my "new" field) is hindering the thought process for the pedagogy piece, which is important and deals with teaching in the "new" field, but I'm blocked by it. So the food obsession is my way of sort of avoiding the work for that.
I'm just a total mess right now. And the state of the house reflects that hot mess as well. Maybe rather than working on things for an hour around here, maybe I do need just a marathon day or two of getting things straightened. Part of the problem is that the office is a holy mess. I can't even get to my desk. So maybe that's what I do when I come home from class tomorrow. I eat and then tackle that office for once and for all. The husband is gone for the time being so having things spill into the hallway tomorrow afternoon isn't going to bother him. He's not working in the office currently since he's gone, so really, if I'm going to tackle the office, now's the time to do it (and I'm feeling all motivated right now, but I'm going to the g'parents' soon). Although that doesn't mean I can't start with the office now. I may go ahead and do that for the next hour.
I'm also avoiding this pedagogy piece that I have to write by the first. It'll get done, but damn, yo, I don't know how or what to do with it. I have no sense of the article, and it's going to require more energy than I had originally thought (which is why I agreed to write it), but it's good for me anyway to write it because that will get me closer to my tenure requirements.
But here's the real problem. I'm obsessed now with this. Like seriously. As soon as I finish one book, I immediately buy another. Mostly it's because I feel freaking great (and really have for the last two months). I'm letting this be my avoidance for the thing I don't want to really write, but I cannot, I mean, I absolutely cannot start on the other two articles until this one is done. And therein lies the other problem. The two things I'm really focused on (one is the whole food thing; the other my pop culture obsession and desire to immerse myself immediately into my "new" field) is hindering the thought process for the pedagogy piece, which is important and deals with teaching in the "new" field, but I'm blocked by it. So the food obsession is my way of sort of avoiding the work for that.
I'm just a total mess right now. And the state of the house reflects that hot mess as well. Maybe rather than working on things for an hour around here, maybe I do need just a marathon day or two of getting things straightened. Part of the problem is that the office is a holy mess. I can't even get to my desk. So maybe that's what I do when I come home from class tomorrow. I eat and then tackle that office for once and for all. The husband is gone for the time being so having things spill into the hallway tomorrow afternoon isn't going to bother him. He's not working in the office currently since he's gone, so really, if I'm going to tackle the office, now's the time to do it (and I'm feeling all motivated right now, but I'm going to the g'parents' soon). Although that doesn't mean I can't start with the office now. I may go ahead and do that for the next hour.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Summer Work
Monday was a total bust of a day. The husband and I were both totally exhausted. I laid around and read basically all day after I came home from work. And we ate dinner ridiculously early and watched Alien on blu-ray. Yesterday I met a friend for lunch that turned into an all afternoon affair, which was quite lovely, but not good for work. So I went home and read. So much so far this week for my "schedule" of writing and cleaning.
Today, while my students were writing, I decided to write, too. This shorter article that I need to write? It became very clear to me today as I was writing with my students why I've not yet tackled it even though it's only a 2000-3000 word article. I'm not sure if I can write even 2000 words on this issue! Sigh. It has to be done though. I just have to go back through the journal and see how others have addressed the topic and consider that I may need to work on this more than 15 minutes a day if I'm going to get this done in any kind of time. Sigh. It's discouraging, really. But I *need* to write this article first and finish it by July 1 at the latest. My goal of June 15th I don't think is going to happen. But perhaps when my students have in class writing time, I too can be writing with them. Sheesh. This is seriously one of the hardest things I've had to write! I have total writer's block and I am completely stumped. Perhaps with just some consistent butt in seat writing I can pull something out.
So there we go. I got my 15 minutes of writing in at least today. And at some point I will clean the kitchen and kitchen table and let that be my cleaning for the day. Since I already worked out, I will have met my daily goals then once I clean. I think. I should be reading toward something, but I'm going to rec read instead.
I'm also trying to use my office hours for prep work and as much as possible (obviously not right now as I'm blogging, but I've got things under control for the rest of the week). Since it's only one class, and I don't have students coming to see me yet or needing to see me yet, I can make use of the office hours. Because even though I like this class so far, it's summer and I have a $hit ton of stuff that I *need* to get done this summer. This is a crucial summer in making sure that I stay on track for what needs to be done for tenure. I am very unwilling to be one of those last minute scramblers to get everything together full of anxiety in about 3-4 years. I'm rocking a good pace here. I'd like to keep that up. I don't want to lose my momentum. There will be time to breathe later. Since no one who has gone up for tenure here in the last two years in this department has actually gotten tenure, I'd like to make sure that I have more than the minimum required and that I am not coming down to the wire. I think next summer we're going to be thinking about buying a house and I'd like to have stuff in the pipeline so that way if summer is blown house hunting and moving I'm not in dire straights with regards to my scholarship. And right now people have some interest in what I'm doing, so I need to not let those opportunities pass me by.
It's weird though isn't it that I feel I need to justify publicly on my blog being protective of my time. That it somehow sounds like I'm shafting my students if I'm trying to get as much prep work in during my office hours when students aren't here to minimize my work outside of my office. Why does that sound awful? I think it makes me sounds like I'm only trying to do the bare minimum to get through this summer class, but I don't think that's fair. I'd like to think that what I'm doing is trying to get through the next six weeks in the most efficient way that benefits both me and my students and keeps me healthy and productive.
So that's where I am.
Today, while my students were writing, I decided to write, too. This shorter article that I need to write? It became very clear to me today as I was writing with my students why I've not yet tackled it even though it's only a 2000-3000 word article. I'm not sure if I can write even 2000 words on this issue! Sigh. It has to be done though. I just have to go back through the journal and see how others have addressed the topic and consider that I may need to work on this more than 15 minutes a day if I'm going to get this done in any kind of time. Sigh. It's discouraging, really. But I *need* to write this article first and finish it by July 1 at the latest. My goal of June 15th I don't think is going to happen. But perhaps when my students have in class writing time, I too can be writing with them. Sheesh. This is seriously one of the hardest things I've had to write! I have total writer's block and I am completely stumped. Perhaps with just some consistent butt in seat writing I can pull something out.
So there we go. I got my 15 minutes of writing in at least today. And at some point I will clean the kitchen and kitchen table and let that be my cleaning for the day. Since I already worked out, I will have met my daily goals then once I clean. I think. I should be reading toward something, but I'm going to rec read instead.
I'm also trying to use my office hours for prep work and as much as possible (obviously not right now as I'm blogging, but I've got things under control for the rest of the week). Since it's only one class, and I don't have students coming to see me yet or needing to see me yet, I can make use of the office hours. Because even though I like this class so far, it's summer and I have a $hit ton of stuff that I *need* to get done this summer. This is a crucial summer in making sure that I stay on track for what needs to be done for tenure. I am very unwilling to be one of those last minute scramblers to get everything together full of anxiety in about 3-4 years. I'm rocking a good pace here. I'd like to keep that up. I don't want to lose my momentum. There will be time to breathe later. Since no one who has gone up for tenure here in the last two years in this department has actually gotten tenure, I'd like to make sure that I have more than the minimum required and that I am not coming down to the wire. I think next summer we're going to be thinking about buying a house and I'd like to have stuff in the pipeline so that way if summer is blown house hunting and moving I'm not in dire straights with regards to my scholarship. And right now people have some interest in what I'm doing, so I need to not let those opportunities pass me by.
It's weird though isn't it that I feel I need to justify publicly on my blog being protective of my time. That it somehow sounds like I'm shafting my students if I'm trying to get as much prep work in during my office hours when students aren't here to minimize my work outside of my office. Why does that sound awful? I think it makes me sounds like I'm only trying to do the bare minimum to get through this summer class, but I don't think that's fair. I'd like to think that what I'm doing is trying to get through the next six weeks in the most efficient way that benefits both me and my students and keeps me healthy and productive.
So that's where I am.
Monday, June 4, 2012
I know I posted the other day about how I was feeling energized by this new crop of student for the summer quarter, but today is Monday, I need to spend the morning prepping, I have a belly ache, and the reality has set in that this is my life for the next six weeks.
I feel less than motivated. I'll be fine later, but I just realized at this moment (even though I taught Friday) that I'm teaching every day for the next six weeks.
Blerg.
I wish I were already on my summer vacation.
I feel less than motivated. I'll be fine later, but I just realized at this moment (even though I taught Friday) that I'm teaching every day for the next six weeks.
Blerg.
I wish I were already on my summer vacation.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Oh Sunday...
Oy. Even though I posted yesterday about how I was actually jazzed up about the summer quarter and the fresh new crop of froshes for this particular class, it's Sunday, and I don't wanna do any work. I will later, but not right now.
Last night we went to a birthday party for a three year old. I have no idea if she like the gift we gave her. I'm not good at picking out birthday presents for kids. Anyway, we were not expecting there to be food beyond hors d'oevres (sp?) and the like so we got stuff for dinner. Holy Moly! The most enormous beef kabobs I'd ever seen were served! Wow! And this amazing wine punch! And curry that was out of this world! So we were like "sweet! tonight's dinner will become tomorrow's and we just pushed the food budget a little further here!" And then.... we got invited to a friend's for a little early Sunday evening grilling for tonight! Oh happy day! Food budget gets stretched even further! So now it looks like I won't have to go back to the grocery until maybe next Sunday or Monday! Yay! Because in spite of the fact that I just ordered some shorts, we are trying to be frugal so we can survive the summer. To be fair, they were shorts that I had my eye on, I need another pair of good shorts, and they were 50% off! And I did put back all the other things I had in my cart and bought only the shorts. And got the cheapest shipping possible.
I think I have gotten our grocery spending down to about $100/wk which means that the husband's GI Bill for one month should last about two. And while he's at drill, I can save even more $ on the food budget.
My plans for sleeping in this morning were thwarted once again by the Divine Miss T's "I need to go pee" pacing. But oh well. I think I got a good 8 hours anyway, so it's fine.
I've got work to do today, but I refuse to do it until I've had my coffee and do some pleasure reading and work out.
Last night we went to a birthday party for a three year old. I have no idea if she like the gift we gave her. I'm not good at picking out birthday presents for kids. Anyway, we were not expecting there to be food beyond hors d'oevres (sp?) and the like so we got stuff for dinner. Holy Moly! The most enormous beef kabobs I'd ever seen were served! Wow! And this amazing wine punch! And curry that was out of this world! So we were like "sweet! tonight's dinner will become tomorrow's and we just pushed the food budget a little further here!" And then.... we got invited to a friend's for a little early Sunday evening grilling for tonight! Oh happy day! Food budget gets stretched even further! So now it looks like I won't have to go back to the grocery until maybe next Sunday or Monday! Yay! Because in spite of the fact that I just ordered some shorts, we are trying to be frugal so we can survive the summer. To be fair, they were shorts that I had my eye on, I need another pair of good shorts, and they were 50% off! And I did put back all the other things I had in my cart and bought only the shorts. And got the cheapest shipping possible.
I think I have gotten our grocery spending down to about $100/wk which means that the husband's GI Bill for one month should last about two. And while he's at drill, I can save even more $ on the food budget.
My plans for sleeping in this morning were thwarted once again by the Divine Miss T's "I need to go pee" pacing. But oh well. I think I got a good 8 hours anyway, so it's fine.
I've got work to do today, but I refuse to do it until I've had my coffee and do some pleasure reading and work out.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Mapping out some summer work plans
I need to tinker around with the blog format a little bit more here so I can get my summer to do list up on the side bar somehow/somewhere. But I am too lazy this morning to do that. And I feel like doing a little bit of recreational reading this morning also before I work out.
I had a lot of stuff that I was hoping to accomplish this weekend, but truth be told, I am wiped out from our trip. We got back into Home City from Conference City at about 7:40 pm on Wednesday, a day that started at about 6 am for me. Then we had to pack up all our stuff from Home City. We left Home City to return to Big Little Town on Thursday, another ten hour trip. Yesterday, the husband had to get up bright and early to get to work (yay! his unit is paying him to come into the office and do stuff for them before drill!) and then I had to go teach. Ugh. I discovered yesterday morning that I'm a in computer lab. I don't much like that set up at all. On a positive note, the kids in the class seem to be a better group than what I had last quarter. Rather than feeling beat down and depressed about teaching comp, I'm actually looking forward to this summer quarter with this group. After yesterday, I'm feeling re-energized about 101. And I was exhausted. So yay for small miracles.
I had really wanted to sleep in this morning, but I could hear the Divine Miss T pacing the floor because she had to pee. No sleeping in for me.
This summer I am going to attempt to do what I've never been able to accomplish over the summer break--I am going to be productive! I am going to map out a schedule for the summer and deadlines and goals and the like. And I'm going to be smart about it. I'm going to allow for free days, days I don't want to work and want to veg, and "off days," just like a work out program sort of. Generally I pack my schedules so tight that I can't follow them because they are so strict.
The July and August schedule will look much different from the June schedule because I'm teaching now and not then.
But here's the general plan:
I'm going to give this a shot for two weeks and see what happens. Right now though, I'm going to have another cup of coffee and recreational read for a little while before I really need to actually start my day.
I had a lot of stuff that I was hoping to accomplish this weekend, but truth be told, I am wiped out from our trip. We got back into Home City from Conference City at about 7:40 pm on Wednesday, a day that started at about 6 am for me. Then we had to pack up all our stuff from Home City. We left Home City to return to Big Little Town on Thursday, another ten hour trip. Yesterday, the husband had to get up bright and early to get to work (yay! his unit is paying him to come into the office and do stuff for them before drill!) and then I had to go teach. Ugh. I discovered yesterday morning that I'm a in computer lab. I don't much like that set up at all. On a positive note, the kids in the class seem to be a better group than what I had last quarter. Rather than feeling beat down and depressed about teaching comp, I'm actually looking forward to this summer quarter with this group. After yesterday, I'm feeling re-energized about 101. And I was exhausted. So yay for small miracles.
I had really wanted to sleep in this morning, but I could hear the Divine Miss T pacing the floor because she had to pee. No sleeping in for me.
This summer I am going to attempt to do what I've never been able to accomplish over the summer break--I am going to be productive! I am going to map out a schedule for the summer and deadlines and goals and the like. And I'm going to be smart about it. I'm going to allow for free days, days I don't want to work and want to veg, and "off days," just like a work out program sort of. Generally I pack my schedules so tight that I can't follow them because they are so strict.
The July and August schedule will look much different from the June schedule because I'm teaching now and not then.
But here's the general plan:
- a.m. workouts--which, yes, I am still loving working out in the morning, and now I don't have to be on campus for a full 45 minutes later than what I was used to on my late day and almost 2 hours later than my early days, so this is good. Especially since it's getting to be super hot. I will be able to work out in the morning before going to campus. Yes!
- teach.
- lunch during office hours (I'm usually famished after teaching).
- For the next two weeks at least, M-Th write for 15-30 minutes a day for small article due no later than July 1. (I'm actually shooting for June 15th, because I'd like to be done with it--this is the one I wanted to finish in April. >:-/)
- Friday afternoons are devoted to grading as for the next five weeks I will be picking up drafts every Friday and I want to get them back to the students before the weekend so they have time to figure out what they need to do.
- For the next two weeks as well, I'd like to spend one hour, M-Th, cleaning out the office and the guest room--decluttering, organizing, making donation piles, going through clothes, putting the last straggler of the winter clothes away even though it hasn't been winter here since February, etc. I think if I try to do a marathon session in these rooms, I'll get three hours in and quit for months. About an hour is my limit. I'm going to need my writing space cleared out by July so that when it comes time to work on the big articles, I have space.
- Use Sat/Sun morning to read and prep for the week. I'm going to save that this week for tomorrow. :)
I'm going to give this a shot for two weeks and see what happens. Right now though, I'm going to have another cup of coffee and recreational read for a little while before I really need to actually start my day.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Oh a conferencing I will go!
Well folks, the quarter is over, the husband and I are in a fancy place for my conference and I've been conferencing away.
Can I say that it has been an amazing conference? OMG! It's like the raddest one yet, yo! I feel a little bad because I've been actually "conferencing," going to panels and stuff, and the husband has just been hanging out, but one of our friends from BLT-U is here, too (we were on the same panel), and he has NOT been conferencing at all except our panel, so the husband has been hanging out with him. I feel bad; we've not actually seen any of the sights yet or really done anything--the husband has walked and run around the city so far, but even with our lack of touristing, it's actually been a bit of a vacation. I finished my paper up the morning we left, so I wouldn't have to worry about it. I did some read throughs (right? is that the right word? why can't I think this morning?) and some small edits here and there, but it was nice not to have to "work" on the paper while at the conference. I had some grand plans for what we'd do here, and there's still today though. There have been three other panels that I've needed to go to though besides mine: the one I chaired, the other society's panel, and my old prof's and friend's panel. Today I need to go to one more and then that's it until the reception thingy.
Also, one of my friends from grad school is here! I didn't know she was going to be here until the day I got to the conference when I was looking at the program at the airport. I haven't seen her since she graduated five years ago! Or maybe it'll be closer to six. Anyway, she and her husband hung out with our group twice and last night we really got to catch up on a lot of stuff, and while we were friends at Grad City U, I do wish that we had hung out more than we did, but we both were really always sort of on autopilot with our stuff. But anyway, it's been so wonderful to hang out with her and meet her husband and her husband and mine really hit it off, so that was great to see that, too.
Our panel went amazing, btw. One of the best attended that I had seen, and it helped that it was scheduled at a very choice time, too. My former prof/mentor/friend came and said it was the best of my papers I had done yet (and this is four he has seen now), and he's been really supportive and encouraging with the writing and keeping the fire to my feet regarding publishing. One of his friends from grad school, another person in the field, also came too and had some really positive things to say about it and gave me a little applause when I was done with my paper.
What I love about this conference and why I go broke every summer trying to come to it and why I bust my ass and get stressed out about the deadlines and stuff right after Christmas is because this conference has been really really good for me. Since the last three of my four papers have dealt with the same field of study (the one five years ago, when I was still a grad student came from my diss and was by far the worst of the papers), I am now being sort of groomed, perhaps for lack of a better word, for the field by the top scholars in the field right now. And this is what's great about this group and the conference--they think my ideas are good; they are encouraging me and helping me network and giving me advice about what I need to do to help to make sure I get the scholarship I need to get out there for myself, for the field, and for tenure. That's what's wonderful about them--they are senior, established scholars who are good friends with even more senior and established scholars, and they're not like "talk to me when you have a book" people. So they are trying to foster the development of the field with the people they want to see in it, and they are very welcoming to junior scholars (whether grad student or early career profs).
The other thing, too, and this struck me last night as my grad school friend and I were talking, because she's disillusioned it seems with the publishing stuff for tenure and feels confined by the ebbing and flowing of trends in scholarship (although it sounds, as always, that she is doing some brilliant stuff in the field she is slowly moving in to), and feels very much like "who cares about this stuff? like four people?" At which point you have to do something publishable that *you* enjoy and care about. What I like about how this conference has developed for me is that there are more than four people out there who care about the stuff that I'd like to do. Or maybe it still really is just the same four people in the field, but the point is that they care enough for it to be important for the field that it does matter in the grand scheme of things. And that's what I get out of this conference and being around this group of scholars. Unlike MLA (I know there are those of you who love the MLA, so no offense to you) where I leave the conference just wanting to kill myself because I feel like everyone is walking around hoping to detect a fraud or looking for the stars (which admittedly is a cool thing about MLA, and Dr. Crazy has a cool story from last year's MLA if I remember correctly). But here, I feel like I matter. I feel energized and ready to go forth and do scholarship when I leave this conference. I feel revitalized and reinvigorated by my field and my ideas and other people's ideas. I learn new things at this conference. And I think it's important for non-tenured folks to feel like they matter.
My grad school friend and I were talking about how demoralizing the tenure process can be even at places where the scholarship requirements are not a book, and that's one of the things that helps me at this conference--the last thing I feel here is demoralized or stupid. And granted this year at the new job has not been one of demoralization at all (sadness and disappointment over my friend's tenure denial, but not demoralization; perhaps a week of disillusionment and frustration here and there, but not demoralization), but I think we all need to feel like we're doing something worthwhile, for our field, for our students, for ourselves. We all need to feel important every once in a while in a meaningful way. And that's why I like this conference and why I've switched fields. I know that there are people out there reading when I'm working on, paying attention to what I'm working on, and people care about what I have to say. It's not just about publishing crap but about being a part of a conversation about stuff I love with other people who are invested in the same books and ideas I am. It's about the ideas and sharing those ideas with this group. And I'm thankful and lucky that I get to be a part of that, especially this early in my career.
Can I say that it has been an amazing conference? OMG! It's like the raddest one yet, yo! I feel a little bad because I've been actually "conferencing," going to panels and stuff, and the husband has just been hanging out, but one of our friends from BLT-U is here, too (we were on the same panel), and he has NOT been conferencing at all except our panel, so the husband has been hanging out with him. I feel bad; we've not actually seen any of the sights yet or really done anything--the husband has walked and run around the city so far, but even with our lack of touristing, it's actually been a bit of a vacation. I finished my paper up the morning we left, so I wouldn't have to worry about it. I did some read throughs (right? is that the right word? why can't I think this morning?) and some small edits here and there, but it was nice not to have to "work" on the paper while at the conference. I had some grand plans for what we'd do here, and there's still today though. There have been three other panels that I've needed to go to though besides mine: the one I chaired, the other society's panel, and my old prof's and friend's panel. Today I need to go to one more and then that's it until the reception thingy.
Also, one of my friends from grad school is here! I didn't know she was going to be here until the day I got to the conference when I was looking at the program at the airport. I haven't seen her since she graduated five years ago! Or maybe it'll be closer to six. Anyway, she and her husband hung out with our group twice and last night we really got to catch up on a lot of stuff, and while we were friends at Grad City U, I do wish that we had hung out more than we did, but we both were really always sort of on autopilot with our stuff. But anyway, it's been so wonderful to hang out with her and meet her husband and her husband and mine really hit it off, so that was great to see that, too.
Our panel went amazing, btw. One of the best attended that I had seen, and it helped that it was scheduled at a very choice time, too. My former prof/mentor/friend came and said it was the best of my papers I had done yet (and this is four he has seen now), and he's been really supportive and encouraging with the writing and keeping the fire to my feet regarding publishing. One of his friends from grad school, another person in the field, also came too and had some really positive things to say about it and gave me a little applause when I was done with my paper.
What I love about this conference and why I go broke every summer trying to come to it and why I bust my ass and get stressed out about the deadlines and stuff right after Christmas is because this conference has been really really good for me. Since the last three of my four papers have dealt with the same field of study (the one five years ago, when I was still a grad student came from my diss and was by far the worst of the papers), I am now being sort of groomed, perhaps for lack of a better word, for the field by the top scholars in the field right now. And this is what's great about this group and the conference--they think my ideas are good; they are encouraging me and helping me network and giving me advice about what I need to do to help to make sure I get the scholarship I need to get out there for myself, for the field, and for tenure. That's what's wonderful about them--they are senior, established scholars who are good friends with even more senior and established scholars, and they're not like "talk to me when you have a book" people. So they are trying to foster the development of the field with the people they want to see in it, and they are very welcoming to junior scholars (whether grad student or early career profs).
The other thing, too, and this struck me last night as my grad school friend and I were talking, because she's disillusioned it seems with the publishing stuff for tenure and feels confined by the ebbing and flowing of trends in scholarship (although it sounds, as always, that she is doing some brilliant stuff in the field she is slowly moving in to), and feels very much like "who cares about this stuff? like four people?" At which point you have to do something publishable that *you* enjoy and care about. What I like about how this conference has developed for me is that there are more than four people out there who care about the stuff that I'd like to do. Or maybe it still really is just the same four people in the field, but the point is that they care enough for it to be important for the field that it does matter in the grand scheme of things. And that's what I get out of this conference and being around this group of scholars. Unlike MLA (I know there are those of you who love the MLA, so no offense to you) where I leave the conference just wanting to kill myself because I feel like everyone is walking around hoping to detect a fraud or looking for the stars (which admittedly is a cool thing about MLA, and Dr. Crazy has a cool story from last year's MLA if I remember correctly). But here, I feel like I matter. I feel energized and ready to go forth and do scholarship when I leave this conference. I feel revitalized and reinvigorated by my field and my ideas and other people's ideas. I learn new things at this conference. And I think it's important for non-tenured folks to feel like they matter.
My grad school friend and I were talking about how demoralizing the tenure process can be even at places where the scholarship requirements are not a book, and that's one of the things that helps me at this conference--the last thing I feel here is demoralized or stupid. And granted this year at the new job has not been one of demoralization at all (sadness and disappointment over my friend's tenure denial, but not demoralization; perhaps a week of disillusionment and frustration here and there, but not demoralization), but I think we all need to feel like we're doing something worthwhile, for our field, for our students, for ourselves. We all need to feel important every once in a while in a meaningful way. And that's why I like this conference and why I've switched fields. I know that there are people out there reading when I'm working on, paying attention to what I'm working on, and people care about what I have to say. It's not just about publishing crap but about being a part of a conversation about stuff I love with other people who are invested in the same books and ideas I am. It's about the ideas and sharing those ideas with this group. And I'm thankful and lucky that I get to be a part of that, especially this early in my career.
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