Getting There

Well, I am still not done with the lit response papers for the TR class, but as I had promised them they'd be done next Tuesday, I'm not behind on them yet. Rather since the freshpeoples turn in their final drafts today, I'm going to take attendance and then let them go I think, and then I'm going to sit in my office and try to plow through as many of them as I can until it's time to teach the lit class. I don't want the essays hanging over me. Plus, I want them done ASAP so that those who want to revise can do so can set up meetings with me to discuss the essays next week and can turn those things back in the following Monday. If I can keep on pace with the freshpeoples class, then I can stay on top of things here and the grading in the other class won't be so bad. I do, however, have to make more of an effort next time around to grade those things as soon as they come in.

March seems like it has been an abysmally crappy month compared to February. I felt on the ball and healthy in February. Not so much this month. And I just saw a picture of myself, another one at a bad angle admittedly, and well, I guess rather than depressing me, it's somewhat motivating. Plus, I finally worked out again yesterday after missing three days (a rarity), and I slept sooooooo well! Minimal gluten with dinner, and not only did I fall asleep early, but I slept solidly for 8 hours. Like 8 non-stop hours. Not even a 3 am wake up as I had been having. So I feel pretty good this morning.

A few of us had a lovely night last night with my colleague who will be leaving us at the end of the quarter. I imagine this is how my friends in Fancy Town felt last year, though I left under different circumstances. And it's fairly true that this was not a town that ze liked at all. And while it's clear that the administration did not like hir, I'm comforted by the fact that hir friends in the department are sad to see hir go. But I won't dwell on that. It's not my story to keep telling.

Still though in my anxiety over this, during the meeting I had yesterday, I told the administrator what I already had, in terms of publications, and this seems to be the deciding factor regardless of teaching and service--it's very much a publish or perish environment, but on a smaller scale here, but I get it--the uni wants to be an R1. And I knew this going in to the job, so I'm fine with that. However, I wanted to make sure that the little things that I already had were going to count toward that. And that the plan that I have for the one more smaller one and then to place something in a mid-tier journal, at the least, is a solid one. I was told flat out that if I accomplished that, I would be set. The only thing that could hurt me was if I managed to do all of this by next year and then stopped and made no attempt to even try to place anything else anywhere. As long as I can keep up my momentum, I'm okay according to the higher ups. Actually, right now, I'm better than okay because I'm ahead of the curve, so it's important for me to maintain that momentum. And it's reassuring to know that for once, I have a solid academic plan.

Actually, if I want to be honest, this is the path that I had hoped I would take in my academic career. While it's true that I have aspirations to be at one particular institution (a pipe dream, but not like Harvard or anything like that, no offense to anyone, that's so *not* what I want--it's more about truly going home, but I digress). While I wanted to excel as a grad student and while I had hoped to shine in my program with the hopes that that would land me a great job, I saw pretty early on that even the "stars" of the program, with very very few exceptions, were landing their dream jobs. And I don't mean this in a negative way. Was I bitter that I never got a fellowship or anything like that or any award for my work? Yes. But I was also equally afraid peaking during my program. I was okay with being middle of the pack as long as the race was still being run. I think I've always been more interested in being at the top of my field rather than at the top of the class. So while I know that many of my friends and peers came out the program (and some who are still there) with well placed publications going into the job market, I'm okay with where I am, academically (personally, financially, physically, well those are different stories...).

Now I'm going to work on that research plan and map out the next two weeks of school work/class prep so I know what I'm looking at and what needs to be done so I can a) get back on track with the workouts and cooking with the hopes of kicking whatever cold or allergies I have going on right now and b) so I can spend some of my free time working in that office I'm supposed to have that is really just a storage room for bills and things I don't have a place for right now and c) use the other part of the free time to finish putting away the winter clothes and going through the stuff for good will.