Maude is now back!
I have missed Maude a lot lately. A LOT. I was sad she had such a sad ending, but she never left me.
I need a fresh start. When I feel as if the other blog has become a smorgasbord of whining, it's time to move on. I think.
Perhaps Nola needs to remain an academic personality. And I need to focus my academic issues somewhere and the other things I want to do somewhere else.
I feel like one of the things bothering me lately (aside from my friend's tenure denial, which is new to the list of things bothering me), I have been feeling lately like I want to create something. I mean, I haven't written in over a decade. Closer to two almost at this point. And I think this is behind my working out--it sounds weird, but I do feel like it's a creation of energy, a constant recreation of a newer me that comes with every work out. Does that sound nuts?
I have felt, for a while now, since before Christmas, that I'm in a rut in my life. In every way possible. I cut my hair, but I still feel like I look the same. I've bought a couple of pieces of new clothes and I've been able to get back into some of my favorite clothes, but not all of them, and I've tried to change up my make up and my accessories, but still, I feel in a rut. I've even changed up some stuff in my syllabi--it's gone *that* far. I bought new sheets and changed the look of the bedroom this weekend. I've switched daily coffee mugs. I've spent a stupid amount of time looking at new phones (it's time for my upgrade) because I feel that the iPhone has become part of my identity, and if I want a change, that needs to change, too. Nuts, right? I bought a bright new mug for my protein fruit shakes. I have even been wearing my contacts more rather than my glasses because I *always* wear my glasses and usually only wear my contacts for when I'm working out. And here I am, changing blogs, changing venues, changing my persona.
I was comfortable with Maude until I got to Fancy Town. I was happy with her in Home City. So perhaps it's not about changing into something new, but trying to recapture or return to something that worked.
Don't misunderstand, I'm pretty happy with my life (money issues aside), but for the most part, I have rediscovered a love for my job. I find that even though my friend's tenure denial makes me question my own academic mortality this early on, and perhaps that's a good thing--I can either take ze's experience and try to learn from it, try to make sure that I have more than what I need in all areas of the tenure package and push for transparency in my own process rather than look at all of this as an exercise in futility and spiral into depression and despair, and make sure I get my own self together since I constantly struggle with getting things done. Not that I do actually really honestly think this is in any way about me. It is just making me think.
So while I've been wallowing since Spring Break--letting my diet slide which makes my body feel sick which affects my sleep and my ability to work out how I want to, letting my scholarship slide still, I think affected by my diet and health--when I'm a work out beast, I am a grading, prep, and teaching beast as well. Seriously. It's time to get back to business.
This is what needs to be finished this week, that is by Friday afternoon so that I can a) get back on track and b) get ahead:
- Grade all the lit analyses from both classes (I've been sitting on these things for three days and haven't looked hide nor hair at them).
Actually, I've got to get the one class's essays done today. - Get caught up on this week's lit class readings and try to get a head for next week for those classes (really this one and the above are the two big things for this week).
- Map out a specific research and writing plan with a not too terribly flexible timeline, but get things written down and mapped out.
- Get one third to half of the freshman essays graded by the end of office hours on Friday.
- Do some meal planning.
- Keep up with workouts.
For this weekend, I've got to start prepping the veggies and stuff for the week ahead after we go to the grocery. I've also got that testing thing for HS stus that I have to show up for. I wonder if I'll be able to get work done during that time. That will make the cooking easier during the week and keep us from reverting to total laziness. And at some point I've got to get into that office of mine here and fix it up so it's a workable space for the both of us so that I don't have a computer sitting on the table all the time in the kitchen and so we can eat there more regularly which will make a difference in a lot of ways.
Well okay, so I have a plan.
Oh, and if you're wondering where the blog title and the blog address come from, it's from one of my all time favorite songs:
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