Magpie is Here!!!!

Actually, the Magpie came 9 days early, and we've been home almost a week already. And for those of you betting people, if you wagered on a girl, you were most certainly correct! Not that I had an inkling one way or another, but since just about everyone thought that Magpie was a boy, we were both shocked that Mags was a girl. Actually, when the J said, "Oh my god, it's a girl!" I replied with "No shit??!!" And she was nowhere near the beast child we thought she was going to be--only 7 lbs. 6 oz. And a little shorter than we all thought, too--19.25 inches.

Of course, nothing went according to plan. I woke up last Thursday morning in labor, but I thought it was gas. Seriously. When the J left for work, I was up and like, "ugh. These are the WORST gas cramps I've ever had!"I got up, had some coffee, put some stuff in the crockpot (a meal that was going to be frozen for later), and then my mom and I went for a walk. We were still planning on getting pedicures--I was nearly insisting during the walk that we'd be able to. By 8:30, my contractions were already 2 minutes apart. My mom said, "uh, that's not gas. You're in labor." Of course, I was like, "oh, well, ok. Just let me eat and shower, and I'm sure I'll be fine. We can still get our toes done; I can drop some paperwork off at school. It's cool." I texted the J to let him know that he might want to try to make it to my doctor's appointment because I was in labor. Actually, my hope had been that I'd go to a doctor's appointment and he'd send me right to the hospital so I wouldn't have to negotiate all that you know in the middle of the night or something. I called the dr.; they told me to come right in. The J met us there, and by 11:00 I was being checked into the hospital, in full on labor, already at about 5 cm. Although I have insisted this entire time that I would NOT have an epidural, I ended up having one. And not for the pain, either. I think I would have been able to handle the pain had it not been for the nausea. That was the one thing I wasn't expecting. I was so so sick. And then I started to get really hot and faint, and I knew I could not go on puking, faint, and feverish. I only barfed once during labor, but I kept asking for the puke bucket. I threw up my entire breakfast right before the epidural.

Since labor was moving so quickly, the doctors and nurses were sure the kid would be out by 3 pm. By 1:00 I was at 7 cm. I stalled a little bit because of the epidural, but by about 3:00 I was at 9cm, and by about 4:00 I was ready to push. And by about 4:30 or so the doc came in, and we started working on getting the Magpie out. And that's when everything sort of went south. I got her all the way down the birth canal and then she got stuck. She was face up. We got her turned halfway, and then her shoulders got stuck, and she would not budge. I could see his face--he knew how much I did not want a c-section--and I could see that he was trying not to look worried or frustrated. The epidural had worn off, and by this time I was sick again, feverish, and feeling faint. He said I could continue pushing, but that we could work on this for two hours, but that it wasn't going to do anything but wear me out. So they prepped the ER, and about 30 minutes later, I was being wheeled off to the c-section.

That did not go as smoothly as it should have either. I learned from one of the nurses later that my delivery had really stressed the doc out. I could hear him on the other side of the curtain sighing in frustration and I could see him shaking his head. I puked again during the surgery. Magpie was wedged in there. I could feel the pressure, and it was a good 10 minutes at least that they worked on her. The J told me later (because I'm only just now able to see the incision) that the doctor was in up to his elbows; they had to lengthen the incision because she was so wedged in. And they had to push her back up the birth canal so they could get her head out. It was actually quite painful. Then the poor girl drew a huge breath as soon as she came out, so she aspirated some blood and they had to run her off to deep suction her lungs--which J did not tell me right away either. Baby girl had this giant bruise on her head from using the vacuum thing to turn her. She had to have blood drawn because her heart rate was elevated during the labor and delivery. She had jaundice so had to be under the UV lamp, which she HATED. And I was in the hospital 4 full days. I checked in at 11:00 or so on Thursday and didn't check out until about 3:00 pm on Sunday. I could have gone home on Saturday, but I opted to stay because of the pain and because I just couldn't even get out of the bed on my own yet. I couldn't even shower without help until Monday.

And then!! Our second night home we had to take the poor girl to the ER because she had an allergic reaction to something and didn't eat for nearly 7 hours and was covered in hives from her neck to her feet! She's fine now. She still has some bumps, but we think it might be either the pain medicine I'm taking, the antibiotics I'm taking, or both. I think I may have an allergy to one or both of them, too, because I have bumps in various places on my body as well. I was on Benadryl in the hospital because of the c-section anesthesia which made my entire body itch, so it very well may be that that masked any sort of reaction. I tried to get the medicine changed, but the doc and I missed each other on the phone, and there's only two to three days left, and I took some Benadryl this morning because I was all itchy and bumpy this morning, so we'll see. Her poor little overloaded system.

However, all of that being said, she is so perfect and beautiful and wonderful. And one of my favorite things about her is how much the J is in love with her. Oh my god. I can't handle it when he looks at her and gets all teary eyed. I can't stand to be in a different room from her. And I can't believe it's already been a week. Regardless of how traumatic everything has been, she is healthy, strong, expressive. She eats like a champ. I LOVE breastfeeding. She has the best little mouth and lips. Her puppy siblings love her and are protective of her. She's just so sweet. And you know, I loved the J with all my heart before this little one came, but like the Grinch, it's grown three sizes bigger since last Thursday. I didn't think I could love him more than I did, but my god. I can't get over either how much more in love with him I am either.

Back on Track

I'm bringing Maude back.
Maude is now back!

I have missed Maude a lot lately. A LOT. I was sad she had such a sad ending, but she never left me.

I need a fresh start. When I feel as if the other blog has become a smorgasbord of whining, it's time to move on. I think.

Perhaps Nola needs to remain an academic personality. And I need to focus my academic issues somewhere and the other things I want to do somewhere else.

I feel like one of the things bothering me lately (aside from my friend's tenure denial, which is new to the list of things bothering me), I have been feeling lately like I want to create something. I mean, I haven't written in over a decade. Closer to two almost at this point. And I think this is behind my working out--it sounds weird, but I do feel like it's a creation of energy, a constant recreation of a newer me that comes with every work out. Does that sound nuts?

I have felt, for a while now, since before Christmas, that I'm in a rut in my life. In every way possible. I cut my hair, but I still feel like I look the same. I've bought a couple of pieces of new clothes and I've been able to get back into some of my favorite clothes, but not all of them, and I've tried to change up my make up and my accessories, but still, I feel in a rut. I've even changed up some stuff in my syllabi--it's gone *that* far. I bought new sheets and changed the look of the bedroom this weekend. I've switched daily coffee mugs. I've spent a stupid amount of time looking at new phones (it's time for my upgrade) because I feel that the iPhone has become part of my identity, and if I want a change, that needs to change, too. Nuts, right? I bought a bright new mug for my protein fruit shakes. I have even been wearing my contacts more rather than my glasses because I *always* wear my glasses and usually only wear my contacts for when I'm working out. And here I am, changing blogs, changing venues, changing my persona.

I was comfortable with Maude until I got to Fancy Town. I was happy with her in Home City. So perhaps it's not about changing into something new, but trying to recapture or return to something that worked.

Don't misunderstand, I'm pretty happy with my life (money issues aside), but for the most part, I have rediscovered a love for my job. I find that even though my friend's tenure denial makes me question my own academic mortality this early on, and perhaps that's a good thing--I can either take ze's experience and try to learn from it, try to make sure that I have more than what I need in all areas of the tenure package and push for transparency in my own process rather than look at all of this as an exercise in futility and spiral into depression and despair, and make sure I get my own self together since I constantly struggle with getting things done. Not that I do actually really honestly think this is in any way about me. It is just making me think.

So while I've been wallowing since Spring Break--letting my diet slide which makes my body feel sick which affects my sleep and my ability to work out how I want to, letting my scholarship slide still, I think affected by my diet and health--when I'm a work out beast, I am a grading, prep, and teaching beast as well. Seriously. It's time to get back to business.

This is what needs to be finished this week, that is by Friday afternoon so that I can a) get back on track and b) get ahead:

• Grade all the lit analyses from both classes (I've been sitting on these things for three days and haven't looked hide nor hair at them). Actually, I've got to get the one class's essays done today.
  
• Get caught up on this week's lit class readings and try to get a head for next week for those classes (really this one and the above are the two big things for this week).
• Map out a specific research and writing plan with a not too terribly flexible timeline, but get things written down and mapped out.
• Get one third to half of the freshman essays graded by the end of office hours on Friday.
  
• Do some meal planning.
  
• Keep up with workouts.

For this weekend, I've got to start prepping the veggies and stuff for the week ahead after we go to the grocery. I've also got that testing thing for HS stus that I have to show up for. I wonder if I'll be able to get work done during that time. That will make the cooking easier during the week and keep us from reverting to total laziness. And at some point I've got to get into that office of mine here and fix it up so it's a workable space for the both of us so that I don't have a computer sitting on the table all the time in the kitchen and so we can eat there more regularly which will make a difference in a lot of ways.

Well okay, so I have a plan.

Oh, and if you're wondering where the blog title and the blog address come from, it's from one of my all time favorite songs: