Meltdown

Yesterday I had my first total and complete pregnancy breakdown. I think this is related both to my hormones, my exhaustion, and my craptacular diet right now which in turn is also a result of my exhaustion and my hormones.

I completely lit into the husband yesterday. To be fair, he did sort of have it coming, but I did it over text message. That's bad. I sent him a courtesy text to let him know I was in a foul mood and mad, and since he said "why?" I used that as a reason to just let loose. He is a good man in that he recognized that all of my complaints were legit, that my yelling at him wasn't unreasonable, and now that the air is cleared, we can move on.

However, because I "emotional ate" yesterday for the first time in seriously like 9 or 10 months, I feel like total and complete crap this morning. As a matter of fact, I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast right now which is so very unlike me.

And I have to confess, I thought I had a good schedule, but it turns out that I hate it. With a passion. And I am, indeed, very much missing semesters right now. Semesters make so much more sense than quarters. One cannot cover the material that needs to be covered in a quarter. Sure, the students probably finish school quicker because the quarter allows them to take 3 more classes a year than on semesters, but I don't think the quality of education is there, to be quite honest. It's like every quarter is a summer session. But whatever. No one is asking me about it.

This is week is not really shaping up to be a good week. I'm exhausted. I'm cranky. I'm having some major digestive issues that I read about but which I was hoping to escape, and it's not like I can take anything for it. So, I just have to deal with it. And while I tried to make the reading for my classes reasonable for my sake at this point, I'm just barely hanging on, and it seems to me like it's just going to get worse before break before it starts to get better.

Look, I'm sorry to be all negative Nancy and all, but right now it's just frustrating. You know? It's like that point when you're sick and you want to get stuff done, you know you need to get stuff done, but your body has completely different plans for you, against which no rebelling is possible? Or if you could just have two days in bed, doing absolutely nothing, so you could totally recharge you'd be better? But alas, that's not possible either? And it's so early in the quarter, and the survey class is already behind, so I can't justify staying in bed today, as much as I really, really REALLY would like to. One and a half weeks left. I can make it.

What I seriously need is that month long semester break. What I long for is that semester break. But here's why it won't happen. This is still a very racist state. And down the street is an historically black university. In the 60s, after desegregation, and I have this on good authority, my school was worried that those students would then try to transfer to my school. So in order to make transferring more difficult, since the other college was on a semester system (and still is), my school switched to the quarter system. Nice, huh? It's so grand to be part of such a racist legacy. And most people suspect that until the other school switches to the quarter system, we will not switch to the semester system. Or, unless we switch university systems as the other major system in the state is a semester system, which I wish it would happen for that reason. Although that might mean a 4-4, but I don't think that's possible if the school is trying to become an R-1. You can't have a 4-4 tenure load at an R-1. Or rather, I can't think of any R-1s with that kind of teaching load. Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

Well, that being said, I should walk the dogs, unload the dishwasher, and get dinner prepped and in the crockpot so I have no excuses for a good dinner tonight. I may cancel my office hours this afternoon, too if I still feel this crappy after my second class.

Have a grand day 'all. I hope your finals weeks are going well!