Take 2

Well, yesterday became a gigantic bust. Hardly anything accomplished at all.

I will try again today. Although my stomach already hurts, but I know why.

This is really what's killing me. As you know, in general, I eat very very healthy and follow a fairly strict Paleo routine here because I feel good when I eat clean. The last 5 weeks have been a struggle though. I try to prep on Saturdays--I've even cut out my Saturday workouts at the box because since I've been so tired, I've found that if I work out on Saturday, then nothing else gets done (they are usually longer, more intense workouts on Saturdays). I had decided then that I would limit my workouts to M-F, use Saturdays to food prep and school prep.

None of this, except maybe one week in the last five, has worked out according to plan. And you know me, I LOVE making plans and charts and lists of things to do and get done. The fact that none of this has worked is stressing me out. I can count on both hands the number of times I have actually cooked in the last five weeks. This can't continue. Also, I've already gained about 12-15 pounds, most of which is food related. I have a super cute belly, but the problem is that I have also grown a ginormous butt and hips, so I really don't actually look pregnant. I just look like I've gotten fat. I wouldn't mind if it were all belly and boobs.

Gluten and dairy make me ill. But what appeals to me most right now? What can I think about without making me vomit? Bread and cheese. Like this morning. And now I feel my belly churning, but at the time, it was the only thing that sounded appealing.

Also, I hate to ask for help. I like to do everything on my own. But finally, last night, in a minor breakdown about the growing size of my hips, crying into my frosty (again, only thing that sounded good--terrible!!), I finally asked the husband to help with the food. So his jobs now on Mondays, since he has Mondays off, is to do the weekly food prep so that the cooking of the food won't take longer than 30 minutes. I can swing that. I can muster the energy to spend 30 minutes cooking. I can do that. Plus, it will leave my Saturdays open for work all day, which I seem to be able to manage only one major task at a time.

 I know perhaps I may sound like I'm being too hard on myself. I'm not really that upset about the weight gain. What I am upset about is that I know that the other parts of my body that are getting bigger are not getting bigger because of the pregnancy but because I don't seem to have control over my stomach and what it averts or craves. It's very frustrating sometimes. I think the best way to describe it would be like having a constant hangover on top of mono. And it's not like when I'm tired now in the afternoons that I can just get a latte or something and continue on my merry way.

On top of this, I feel like a terrible wife. I'm not cooking for the husband. The house is a mess. I don't make his lunch for him, all things I do willingly because my schedule is much freer and open than his. He's often gone from 4:45 am until about 6:30 pm. And I don't expect him to get up at 4 just to make his lunch when I have time to do it and can bring it to him when we cross paths at the box. It's important to note that he does NOT think I'm terrible or lazy or a slacker at all. He is 100% completely supportive of my afternoon naps and lack of cooking, and he's the one that has to remind me where all of my energy is currently going. But I do wish he were more like, "uh, that's going to make you sick. Put it down." He doesn't cook in the evenings because neither of us wants to eat at 8 at night either. However, I've got to figure something out soon, or I predict that my life is going to get more miserable rather than better. And I really really want to enjoy this.

Anyway, this post went miles away from where I meant to start.

Take 2--If I can get to page 120 of this book today, I'll consider that a success. And I am going to go for a run, even if it ends up only being one mile. And the husband should be back early enough before the "breakfast for dinner" dinner gathering that we can go to the grocery today. I've had my daily allowable caffeine, the dogs are fed and walked...

ETA: I have no idea why this got deleted or the finished draft didn't appear. Humphf.