Meh.

Ugh. I'm looking around the house and feeling totally overwhelmed by house work today. At least the J is home and he is going to help with this business. It's a holy hot mess in here. It hasn't been this bad in a looooooooooooong time.

I'm worried that there are not enough hours in the day for me to accomplish what needs to be done today. My only consolation is that at least we have Monday off.

I just find it hard to keep up with my life right now. I know, that sounds pathetic really, and it's not going to get any easier in when the kid gets here, and it freaks me out because if I'm struggling this much some days and it's not even here yet, then WTF am I going to do when it actually is here? My eating/cooking has suffered tremendously (though slooooooooowly, and I mean slowly getting back on track. Although glaciers move faster than I do right now), my ability to stay on top of even the smallest tasks has suffered. Because my eating is off, that means that my sleeping and my working out is off, and it's all one big giant ass cycle that I can't get a hold of. I use all of my spare time right now to get ahead in my classes, except that even though I'm always ahead now, I don't take advantage of the free time I have since I'm ahead and use it to get further ahead. So everything is a mess.

I still have morning sickness. The positive thing may be that it seems to be more diet related now, as in things that made me feel not good before I got knocked up are back to making me feel crappy now, although that's not a hard and fast rule. Sometimes apples and almond butter upset my stomach, but it's like the one thing I feel like eating in the mornings, so you know, it's one helluva catch-22 here.

I'm officially at week 17 today. I'm bummed that my hips seem to be growing faster than my belly, and I know that that is for sure about 75% diet related. How do I know? They are expanding in the ways they did when I was overweight and eating like crap. I expect them to expand. But the problem is now that since my eating sucks, I'm having the problem with clothes that I had when I was overweight. It takes forever to find something that fits my hips and the rest of my body. This is especially frustrating pregnant. It's hard enough sometimes to feel cute or nice or well dressed, but add to that ill fitting maternity clothes, and well, no wonder I'm stressed out this morning. I can say all I want that I've got to get my shit together, but sometimes life right now is just so freaking exhausting, that I really think the reason why I have been working so hard to get ahead on my reading for my classes is that it takes the least amount of energy of all the things I need to do. Grade? Reading is better. Laundry? Reading is better. Cooking? On-line delivery apps + reading = better. Of course all this means I feel like crap most of the time now. The massive amounts of reading has its drawbacks. Lately I've been plagued by back spasms and headaches.

In short, I don't feel like I'm taking very good care of myself. I took better care of myself before I got pregnant. It seems so wrong to let myself go now. I just need to suck it up, really.

So thanks for listening to my little ranting pity party. I'll post positive things later. But I think I'm going to go take a nap and then try to start this morning over again on a more positive note.