I've started like two or three posts here already, and well, I just feel like I keep saying the same thing: sick baby, want to work, totally depressed. I hope this blog becomes more than this one day.

A quick update on the Magpie: She continues to do well on the new formula. It's hard to tell exactly how well because the new antibiotics for her ear seem to affecting her digestion. We go to the allergist on Wednesday to begin testing. I think we are improving though.

I've been on this elimination diet, right, I think I mentioned it. I have to be on it at least two weeks in order to make sure all the allergens are out of my system in the hopes that I will be able to begin breastfeeding her again once we identify her allergies and then identify foods that aggravate her little system, though there's no guarantee at the end of this that I'll get to continue breastfeeding. But the pediatrician is going out of town and she wants me to wait until she gets back before I start breastfeeding and stay on the diet. That means that I'm on this for another two and a half weeks.

Folks, I'm exhausted. There is not enough of the foods on this diet to fill me up. Because I'm starving and not getting a lot of sleep, I am so off on my teaching. I'm depressed. And while I know it's worth it, I question whether it's worth it at this moment because I'm tired. I was doing just fine on the Whole Life Challenge, satisfied and not missing anything, but this diet, because it's nothing but deprivation really makes me just want to gorge and binge.

Midterms are this week. I will have to spend the week grading. I hope the Magpie has a good week so I do not feel guilty about leaving her with the parents because I will need to leave the house everyday this week to work. Because honestly, come hell or high water, I've got to start carving out time for my research starting on the 15th. Hopefully we won't have any dr.'s appointments next week (two this coming week).

Because I feel so overwhelmed right now, I'm starting to get antsy. Like I have this fantasy that if I went on the job market and got a different job or moved to a different city then everything would magically be different and Magpie wouldn't be sick and my life would feel less cluttered. I know. It's crazy. Something as dramatic as that would not make my life easier but really quite difficult. What I need to do is clean and get a haircut and go through my closets and start getting rid of stuff. I need to get rid of some books and do some shredding and pare some things down. And I need to pay off debts so we can buy a house and have more room than what we have now. I know a lot of this is coming from the stress that is my life right now, but I feel like I need a fresh start. I mean, I've already lost 43.2 pounds of maternity weight. I've got 12.2 pounds to go to hit pre-pregnancy weight. Even though I'm loathe to continue to spend money on clothes, I think, honestly, this is what I need. I had to buy a new wardrobe before school started, and I think what I'd like to do is have a new look. Lots of my clothes are clothes that I have been wearing for years. I know it's very superficial, but sometimes that's all it takes, right? I would just like to start over.

Perhaps I'll start with a haircut this week.

And I think right now I'm going to go lay down or something. Meh. It's almost time for dinner. Or to start working on dinner.

I don't think this post makes any sense at all.