So even with all my meditation (16 days in a row!) and working on my attitude adjustment, I had a little mini breakdown last night. Right now, I feel the world is against me.

Our house that we're selling? Yeah, the buyer backed out. Of course the bank has been dragging its feet since September. Oh, and two days after the buyer backed out, the bank approved the short sale.  But we have no buyer. I'm very stressed about this.

I missed all of last week due to some sort of stomach virus. It was awful. I was sure my boss was mad at me. It appears I'm not the only one who's been out though for a week. I feel a bit better, but I'm starting to feel the pressure here. Like two Mondays ago, I had a great day! And then, boom! Crappy news. Then illness. Plus, the Magpie had tonsillitis, too. But it's been a rough last two weeks. I held it together until last night.

I am overwhelmed now with grading that should have easily been finished two weeks ago--had there not been a sick kid. Sigh. Until I got sick, I was plowing right along here. Sigh.


So, I've finished lunch. I've got a ton to catch up on. I've met with students already, paid bills, answered emails. The grading. Ugh. It's just overwhelming.

I think right now my biggest fear is that I'm becoming *that* female colleague. The one who is often absent because of her kid (and really, I think the reason why I got as sick as I did, and why the J was only sick for two days, is because of stress and being overworked and my crappy back to back teaching on TR which has me going for 4 hours straight), and who is perceived as not doing her share. And it's true, I've often been late this quarter to my office hours, and I don't really dress up anymore because I'm always tired and I have to walk across campus to get to my TR classes. Maybe the quarter was set up to make me sick. And maybe I just needed a couple of days confined to bed not being a mom or wife or anything else. I'm so 19th century. I needed a "rest cure." Ha.

I've realized now because of that perception that I've got to really up my game. It doesn't matter that my colleague cancels classes to go get drunk for a weekend in a city 5 hours away. Colleague has a major publication. I do not. So I'm at a disadvantage because I can't balance my family and my work.

In the next day or two, hopefully, I should be done with the course prep for the quarter which will free up time for research for the last three weeks of the quarter. And next quarter my 400 level class will not be as strenuous. And I'll have a break between classes on TR. I can hold on until then.

I'm trying though. So, that being said, I'm going to knock out as much grading as I can in the next hour.

Hope you all are doing well.