I teach here in about 5 minutes.

Sort of like last quarter, I just cannot make myself care about this quarter at all.

Am I burned out? Does my schedule actually suck and perhaps it's not the best schedule? But I don't want to teach five days a week. Ugh. These office hours are killing me. I know I complain about that a lot, but damn. I could get so much more done not here.

TRs are just so rushed and I'm never ready to go when I need to and there's so much going on and ugh. I need to actually get things together on MW nights so that TR mornings aren't so heinous.

I need a sabbatical in which to get my work done; however, nothing like that is granted in this department. Every three years I think we get a one course course release in the spring, but then we get stuck with an upper division class or two preps including a comp class, so it's not like quarter is made easier with the course release. And we've still got to have 6-7 office hours. And I don't know when I'm due for one.

I'm starting to stress out because I did not get the stuff I wanted to get finished before spring quarter started, so as usual, I feel like I'm starting already behind, and it has me stressed.

And it's time to teach. More later...

And I'm done with the first class.

I really wish I knew what my problem is. Maybe I just need some sort of reset. I just feel totally dissatisfied with just about every aspect of my life--the only exception is the hubs and kid. But right now, I don't know. I don't look forward to being on campus at all. I'm sure it's just a rut, but I need to get motivated.

I just don't want to do anything related to teaching right now. What I want to do is just focus on research and writing, and maybe that is what I just need to do. Teaching isn't going to get me tenure. Research will. Maybe that's the solution to just put the focus there.

Maybe I should make that promise to myself--I hate to phrase it this way, but perhaps I need to do the minimum to effectively teach so that I can focus on my work because perhaps my lack of motivation is over some concern about tenure and some stress about it, and what I cannot do is shut down and not get tenure. I want things in the pipeline so that next year isn't ten times worse than this year and I'm frantically trying to get something done.

All right, so I'll force myself to work right now so I don't have to worry about it. I just don't feel like going to teach again in an hour. But I just don't give a shit.

Nice attitude right?

I need summertime.