After that last ranty blog post, I'm going to write something more positive.
I haven't touched the midterm exams yet today. It seems likely that I will not even look at them until tomorrow morning. I started them yesterday, but as my motivation is gone, as I seem to want to do nothing but write, I just have to say, "meh, how much could I have gotten done in 1.5 hours anyway?"
Okay, actually a lot, and perhaps in a few minutes I will look over some more for a half hour before class starts. At least I'm showing a film today, so that takes some pressure off there. Besides, I left my fork at home, so I can't eat my lunch, so at least I don't have to teach on an empty stomach.
March was a rocky month for my health and fitness goals. Actually, it was a piss poor month from which I'm still trying to recover. I seriously just imploded after seeing myself on t.v. Normally looking that bad would inspire me to get off my ass, but after starting to feel good about myself, after being able to start getting back into some of my smaller clothes, it was a blow to see myself looking that bad, or rather what I perceived as bad. I really was struggling with that. But over break, I have sorta started to snap out of it. I needed that break. I think I've already worked out more this week than I have in the last two weeks combined. I am feeling better for it, despite being angry/annoyed at a lot of things, and despite having lost all motivation at this point. For some reason, getting actual work done during my MWF office hours is like an uphill battle. And I think it's because I know that I plan on grading for about 3.5 hours tomorrow--while the students are taking their midterm and then during office hours. And maybe Friday will be a bit better if I can get started right away on the Freshman essays. In theory, I could almost be done with the midterms, but I just can't get going.
All right, you know what? I will get going. I'll post back in a half hour what I did.
ETA: 30 minutes later I got through 8 midterms. It helped that one was fantastic and two were only half done. But still, I did 8. I can feel better about that and not have to work on them tonight now. Woo-hoo!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Midterm Blues?
So I had this long post about how I was in a grumpy mood and how I don't like my freshman very much this quarter and how I had assumed that none of them would do the work for today, but it turns out I was wrong! Now I feel like a total dick, but it has put me in a better mood, so that's good.
I'm trying to maintain my sense of humor here. I think I'm PMSing like a champ because I am obnoxiously grumpy about EVERYTHING. I had some really good days on break, but today I am fired up, and not in a good way. I'm annoyed. I don't want to work. I've got a shit ton of grading to do this week, and I've still got four weeks after this one plus finals week (which we don't actually have finals week, but I'm only showing a movie in the lit classes and forcing the kids to writing in the comp class), so I don't count that as a real week, except that I'll be grading all week. But at least I don't have to teach as well.
Then I get a whopping week and a half off before I have to turn around and do the whole damn thing over again for six weeks. Look, if the contracts are approved, I'm grateful for the summer teaching. Truly, because it will give me an additional paycheck over the summer. It will barely be enough to cover basic living expenses (rent and utilities), but that's one less month's worth of utilities and rent to worry about I suppose. That week and a half I have off though--half of it will be spent at a conference, which is in a place I love and I get to see family and do some cool stuff, but it also means that I miss the first day of summer school because since my boss didn't bother to let me know that summer teaching was going to be an option (ze only sent around the form in January without any feedback since then), well, I had to make my flight plans without knowing my summer schedule so it would cost us less than $1000 to take our trip in May. So whatever. If ze is pissed about my missing the first day, then ze can kiss my ass. And it's likely that my boss will give me grief for doing so. I'm getting angry thinking about it, so I'm going to stop thinking about it. But what it means is we get back from our trip on a Wednesday night. We turn around and drive 10 hours on Thursday (which is when classes start), get back here, and then start classes on Friday. Nice. See, we're flying from Home City because we planned on spending a couple of weeks there, and it's a helluva lot cheaper to fly from there than anywhere around here (even if we drove five hours to the major airports). Because my boss has not been forthcoming with schedules because ze is "so overwhelmed," we planned around the husband's drill schedule rather than my summer teaching. I mean, if you're going to sit on that for two months and not tell anyone, or even stop by and let me know that I might perhaps have teaching (the feeling is that we're discouraged to bother the boss because ze is overwhelmed right now--whether or not that's true, it's definitely the impression I get when I talk to people or whenever I walk in the office, which is why I didn't ask until my eval meeting). And I know it's "pending approval," but still, a head's up would have been nice. So you know, whatever.
I'm so ready for summer to get there. But my summer doesn't start until July 5th--which, this is jacked up. We get the fourth of July off. But the last day of classes is the 5th. That's right. We get a day off and then come back for one freaking day. Seriously?????? Why not just have the last day on the 3rd? So whatever, again. Look, there were a lot of pros to taking this job to staying in the old one, but the way they do the scheduling is not one of them. They way the breaks are set up is not one of them.
I apologize y'all for being so angry lately and for airing it all out on the blog. It actually makes me feel better to do so. I don't know if I'm tired--if this year has just been too long (academic year), and it doesn't feel like the end is in sight because I have to teach summer school. I don't know. Maybe it's because it's midterm? Maybe it's midterm blues?
I'm trying to maintain my sense of humor here. I think I'm PMSing like a champ because I am obnoxiously grumpy about EVERYTHING. I had some really good days on break, but today I am fired up, and not in a good way. I'm annoyed. I don't want to work. I've got a shit ton of grading to do this week, and I've still got four weeks after this one plus finals week (which we don't actually have finals week, but I'm only showing a movie in the lit classes and forcing the kids to writing in the comp class), so I don't count that as a real week, except that I'll be grading all week. But at least I don't have to teach as well.
Then I get a whopping week and a half off before I have to turn around and do the whole damn thing over again for six weeks. Look, if the contracts are approved, I'm grateful for the summer teaching. Truly, because it will give me an additional paycheck over the summer. It will barely be enough to cover basic living expenses (rent and utilities), but that's one less month's worth of utilities and rent to worry about I suppose. That week and a half I have off though--half of it will be spent at a conference, which is in a place I love and I get to see family and do some cool stuff, but it also means that I miss the first day of summer school because since my boss didn't bother to let me know that summer teaching was going to be an option (ze only sent around the form in January without any feedback since then), well, I had to make my flight plans without knowing my summer schedule so it would cost us less than $1000 to take our trip in May. So whatever. If ze is pissed about my missing the first day, then ze can kiss my ass. And it's likely that my boss will give me grief for doing so. I'm getting angry thinking about it, so I'm going to stop thinking about it. But what it means is we get back from our trip on a Wednesday night. We turn around and drive 10 hours on Thursday (which is when classes start), get back here, and then start classes on Friday. Nice. See, we're flying from Home City because we planned on spending a couple of weeks there, and it's a helluva lot cheaper to fly from there than anywhere around here (even if we drove five hours to the major airports). Because my boss has not been forthcoming with schedules because ze is "so overwhelmed," we planned around the husband's drill schedule rather than my summer teaching. I mean, if you're going to sit on that for two months and not tell anyone, or even stop by and let me know that I might perhaps have teaching (the feeling is that we're discouraged to bother the boss because ze is overwhelmed right now--whether or not that's true, it's definitely the impression I get when I talk to people or whenever I walk in the office, which is why I didn't ask until my eval meeting). And I know it's "pending approval," but still, a head's up would have been nice. So you know, whatever.
I'm so ready for summer to get there. But my summer doesn't start until July 5th--which, this is jacked up. We get the fourth of July off. But the last day of classes is the 5th. That's right. We get a day off and then come back for one freaking day. Seriously?????? Why not just have the last day on the 3rd? So whatever, again. Look, there were a lot of pros to taking this job to staying in the old one, but the way they do the scheduling is not one of them. They way the breaks are set up is not one of them.
I apologize y'all for being so angry lately and for airing it all out on the blog. It actually makes me feel better to do so. I don't know if I'm tired--if this year has just been too long (academic year), and it doesn't feel like the end is in sight because I have to teach summer school. I don't know. Maybe it's because it's midterm? Maybe it's midterm blues?
Saturday, April 7, 2012
The Storm Has Passed.
I am happy to report that after yesterday's rant, a whole helluva lot of chocolate, a good dinner (actually, no my dinner sucked, but I cooked it, so it was better than pizza or eating out), and three very finely crafted snobby beer, a great movie, and some episodes of this series, a decent night's sleep, I awoke, albeit early, significantly less splenetic than of late. Actually, this was the first morning in a week that I've not felt like beating someone up. And let me tell you, it felt wonderful not to wake up angry. Good lord. It was sapping a very large amount of energy out of me. But I am happy to report that I do feel better. I think what I needed was a day like yesterday. A day to pout, complain, rant, be angry, cry, not teach on a weekday, clean a little bit, cook, indulge in cookies, and drink. What helped was that it was an off day for a Friday and that meant I didn't waste a Saturday, thus half the weekend being a grump. I've got tomorrow and Monday still off, so I think I seriously just needed a mental health day that didn't cut into my weekend.
This morning, I got up early (unplanned, but I figured, what the hell, I was up), made some coffee, journaled, and then I worked out for 2:45. Yes, that is correct. I worked out for almost three hours. I did 90 minutes of yoga, an hour's worth of legs, and 15 minutes of abs. I was smoked by the time I was done, but I felt so much better. I attempted to work out yesterday, but I was so mentally exhausted that after I put on my workout clothes and got the den set up, I just started crying, weeping over how I didn't want to workout, begging the husband through my tears to tell me it was okay for me not to work out. I took a shower instead and went and bought a new French Press and then cleaned the kitchen and then bought chocolate.
I made some progress on the office yesterday. Turns out the plans I had for organizing and cleaning during the break aren't going to work out quite like I wanted them to. The office is a much bigger task than I had anticipated. I managed to get both desks moved and set up (now the Husband has his own workspace that's NOT the kitchen table) AND get some of the shelves cleared off so the Husband could unpack his boxes of books (he was really cute--he cataloged them as he unpacked them). I got the cookbooks moved to a shelf in the kitchen. All in all, the office is half done. I think we may be done working on the organizing and stuff for the day as well. I cleaned my bathroom. I'm about to clean the kitchen up a bit, and then it's off to the grocery store and the liquor store and then back to cook and hang out with each other for the rest of the day.
I'm so glad that I feel better today. So very glad.
This morning, I got up early (unplanned, but I figured, what the hell, I was up), made some coffee, journaled, and then I worked out for 2:45. Yes, that is correct. I worked out for almost three hours. I did 90 minutes of yoga, an hour's worth of legs, and 15 minutes of abs. I was smoked by the time I was done, but I felt so much better. I attempted to work out yesterday, but I was so mentally exhausted that after I put on my workout clothes and got the den set up, I just started crying, weeping over how I didn't want to workout, begging the husband through my tears to tell me it was okay for me not to work out. I took a shower instead and went and bought a new French Press and then cleaned the kitchen and then bought chocolate.
I made some progress on the office yesterday. Turns out the plans I had for organizing and cleaning during the break aren't going to work out quite like I wanted them to. The office is a much bigger task than I had anticipated. I managed to get both desks moved and set up (now the Husband has his own workspace that's NOT the kitchen table) AND get some of the shelves cleared off so the Husband could unpack his boxes of books (he was really cute--he cataloged them as he unpacked them). I got the cookbooks moved to a shelf in the kitchen. All in all, the office is half done. I think we may be done working on the organizing and stuff for the day as well. I cleaned my bathroom. I'm about to clean the kitchen up a bit, and then it's off to the grocery store and the liquor store and then back to cook and hang out with each other for the rest of the day.
I'm so glad that I feel better today. So very glad.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Another Rant: The Honeymoon is Over Edition
It seems I'm really angry these days. I apologize for the negative spew that is on the blog lately, but there are lots of things bothering me right now.
Look, for all my complaints about my boss in Fancy Town--ze was most of the time condescending toward me. If students complain, hir first course of action was to question my pedagogical reasoning behind everything to the point to where I had to first think about how I would defend an assignment before I even started creating an assignment, which is just stressful out the ass. Everything I did was questioned. But at least ze was competent--for the most part, as far as schedules and getting me the stuff I needed, whatever. Ze was a tool during my last eval meeting but whatever.
Right now, I can't not complain about my boss. Interim though ze is, oh.dear.god.
During my job interview, I was asked if I would and could teach the theory class because apparently there was this theory class on the books that was required, and since the person who had taught for the last five years didn't get tenure and was gone, they were scrambling because NOBODY wanted to teach this class. I jumped on it. "Are you kidding?? That's my favorite class to teach! I have so many ideas for the theory classes! I LOVE this kind of class. If I taught nothing else, I'd be happy." Response: "That's great to hear because no one wants to touch this, at all." --Hang on to this anecdote.
I'm at my eval meeting.
Boss: "Are you happy here?" Me: [enthusiastically] Yes! I love it here!" Boss: "Oh, you can be honest. You don't have to just say that." Me: "I'm not. I do like it here a lot!" Boss: "Are you sure? You don't have to tell me what you think I want to hear."
Head/desk.
Evals.
Let me tell you--my evals from Winter--amazing. Total complete 180 from the Fall quarter, which I expected to be on the lower side. New place. Moving from semester to quarter. Admittedly I piled too much into the lit class--I crammed a semester into a quarter, and I got called on it by the students. For each section, I had a 2.9 on one question. The rest were average--3.3/3.2/3.4. Not bad. Not excellent, but good. In my meeting, boss asks me about my evals. I explain that Fall was about where I expected it to be; I made the appropriate changes, and voila! Look how high they were in the Winter. Boss: "Yes your evals for the Winter were off the chart. Well higher than the Department or Uni average." Me: "Yes, I'm quite pleased." Boss: "I wouldn't worry too much then about those 2.9 from the Fall." Me: "It's okay. I'm not. I expected that, and because I knew what I did wrong, I changed some things in the class, and clearly they were the right changes." Boss: "I agree. But what I'm saying is that you shouldn't obsess over those 2.9s." Me: "Okay, I'm not." Boss: "yes, well, I agree. But really, I'm saying that you don't need to worry about the 2.9s. You really shouldn't obsess over them. You're record stands for itself right now, so don't worry about them." Me: "Okay." Boss: "Okay, good, just don't think about those 2.9s."
Head/desk.
So, um, yeah, is that a passive aggressive way of telling me that this is going to hurt me one day, or are you just not listening? Frustration point #1.
Publications:
Boss: "Wow, you're ahead of the curve right now! I can't believe you did so much this year already!" Me: "that's good to know." Boss: "So this one that was accepted in October, I don't know if that will count because obviously you did it before you got here." Me: "No, I didn't. I signed this contract for the job here first, then I signed the other contract, and I didn't start working on it until I got here. I sent it off at the beginning of Fall quarter. It will be published with BLT-U after my name, not under my old job. It's affiliated with this Uni." Boss: "Oh, but you wrote it before Fall quarter started." Me: "Yes, after I left my other job. It's my name, BLT-U in the publication." Boss: "But it was accepted in October. " Me: "Yesssss?" Boss: "Okay, I guess this one won't be a problem." Me: "Okay?" Boss: "This other one, is that real [as in legit]? It says there's "newsletter" in the title. So that's not an actual publication that was peer-reviewed then." Me: "No, it's legit. It's out of major university. The editors are two of the top people in the field right now. They read and approve all the submissions because it's still small, but it's run by major scholars and isn't a society or conference proceedings thing. I think they put "newsletter" in the subtitle because they also include interviews, CFPs in the field, bibliographies of major scholarship in the field. It's not something stapled together and sent out." Boss: "Oh, well, I'm not sure." Me: "Okay...??" Boss: "How many pages is pub one?" Me: "19." Boss: "How many pages is pub 2?" Me: "About 9." Boss: "Oh, wow, you're already over half of the minimum requirement for publications then. Wow, you're doing really well!"
Head/desk--after ze just told me that the two in question might not be really legit. So wtf?
Boss: "So what's your scholarship plan?" Me: "To do x, y, z, get past the min requirements, get a cushion and get that set and then start working on my book." Boss: "You don't need a book." Me: " I want to write a book." Boss: "you should start doing that now, just in case you can't find a publisher."
?????
And now, the thing that has me the most cheesed off--
Boss: "So, what's your favorite class that you like to teach?" Me: [enthusiasm out the wazzoo] The theory class! I love that class so much. Hands down my favorite." Boss: "oh, that's going to be a problem." Me: [quizzical look]. Boss: "See, senior prof has been clammering for it for some time; Ze has been wanting to teach it for forever, so we're giving it to hir. You got it last year because the dean wanted you to teach it [that should say enough right there, I think, but whatever]." Me: "okay, I'll share with senior prof." Boss: "Well, other new hire also wants it, so I'm not sure that you're going to get to keep teaching it." Me: "I don't care what other new hire wants. That's my class. Ze cannot have it, and I will fight hir for it." Boss: "But new hire really wants to teach it." Me: "So? Ze cannot have it. I won't let hir. I'll share with senior prof. But new hire can't have it." Boss: [frown.] "How would you rate your collegiality?" Me: "Perfect."
Seriously? Prior to my teaching it NO ONE wanted to touch that class. Now EVERYONE wants it and I'm supposed to be nice and help everyone out. Meanwhile, new hire (who by the way hasn't published as much as me this year--ze may have done something in grad school, but since being here, nothing) already has gotten an upper division class and a GRAD class mind you, and I've only gotten one required majors class--the theory class--and I'm supposed to roll over and be "collegial" about giving up the class. Fuck that. I was brought in to teach that class. New Hire said that didn't even come up in hir interview. Well, I'd like to think there was a reason for that. I was hired to teach this class.
Look, I know this is the nature of the beast, but I feel totally betrayed by these two colleagues/friends who are muscling in on my class all of a sudden. You know why? Because before I got here, the students talked about that class like a necessary evil. When I taught it in the Winter, the word around the halls were that theory is awesome. That the students continued their theory discussion in their other classes before those classes started. That the class fucking rocked. It's not because of the theory. It's because of me goddammit.
Look, I don't normally toot my own horn, but I rock at that class.
And you know what, I fucking picked that territory because no one else fucking wanted it. And I'm not letting that go without a fight.
For now, though, it means that it will be 2013 before I get to teach that class again.
My boss was also critical of the "cushy" schedule that I had in the Winter. Hmmm, 8 am theory class, a huge break, and an 8 am lit class. Cushy, right. Should I point out that ze was the one who chose those classes and times for me?
Head/desk.
I seriously am so nettled right now. I will eventually calm down and relax. I'll eventually get over it. But right now, GRRRRRR! I shake my fist in the air in irateness.
And on an unrelated note: the postman is hoarding my contacts. Seriously. Told the eye doctor he attempted to deliver them, unbeknownst to me, and that he would try again today. I watched that mofo drive away without attempting to deliver anything.
Also, this week I broke my French Press. And I dropped the very expensive watch that the husband gave me for my graduation present and broke that, too. I got two grease burns making falafel. And one of the first friends that I made here got a really great job out of state and left this morning. Shit ass motherfucking week. Also, my allergies are kicking my ass, too. Not happy.
Look, for all my complaints about my boss in Fancy Town--ze was most of the time condescending toward me. If students complain, hir first course of action was to question my pedagogical reasoning behind everything to the point to where I had to first think about how I would defend an assignment before I even started creating an assignment, which is just stressful out the ass. Everything I did was questioned. But at least ze was competent--for the most part, as far as schedules and getting me the stuff I needed, whatever. Ze was a tool during my last eval meeting but whatever.
Right now, I can't not complain about my boss. Interim though ze is, oh.dear.god.
During my job interview, I was asked if I would and could teach the theory class because apparently there was this theory class on the books that was required, and since the person who had taught for the last five years didn't get tenure and was gone, they were scrambling because NOBODY wanted to teach this class. I jumped on it. "Are you kidding?? That's my favorite class to teach! I have so many ideas for the theory classes! I LOVE this kind of class. If I taught nothing else, I'd be happy." Response: "That's great to hear because no one wants to touch this, at all." --Hang on to this anecdote.
I'm at my eval meeting.
Boss: "Are you happy here?" Me: [enthusiastically] Yes! I love it here!" Boss: "Oh, you can be honest. You don't have to just say that." Me: "I'm not. I do like it here a lot!" Boss: "Are you sure? You don't have to tell me what you think I want to hear."
Head/desk.
Evals.
Let me tell you--my evals from Winter--amazing. Total complete 180 from the Fall quarter, which I expected to be on the lower side. New place. Moving from semester to quarter. Admittedly I piled too much into the lit class--I crammed a semester into a quarter, and I got called on it by the students. For each section, I had a 2.9 on one question. The rest were average--3.3/3.2/3.4. Not bad. Not excellent, but good. In my meeting, boss asks me about my evals. I explain that Fall was about where I expected it to be; I made the appropriate changes, and voila! Look how high they were in the Winter. Boss: "Yes your evals for the Winter were off the chart. Well higher than the Department or Uni average." Me: "Yes, I'm quite pleased." Boss: "I wouldn't worry too much then about those 2.9 from the Fall." Me: "It's okay. I'm not. I expected that, and because I knew what I did wrong, I changed some things in the class, and clearly they were the right changes." Boss: "I agree. But what I'm saying is that you shouldn't obsess over those 2.9s." Me: "Okay, I'm not." Boss: "yes, well, I agree. But really, I'm saying that you don't need to worry about the 2.9s. You really shouldn't obsess over them. You're record stands for itself right now, so don't worry about them." Me: "Okay." Boss: "Okay, good, just don't think about those 2.9s."
Head/desk.
So, um, yeah, is that a passive aggressive way of telling me that this is going to hurt me one day, or are you just not listening? Frustration point #1.
Publications:
Boss: "Wow, you're ahead of the curve right now! I can't believe you did so much this year already!" Me: "that's good to know." Boss: "So this one that was accepted in October, I don't know if that will count because obviously you did it before you got here." Me: "No, I didn't. I signed this contract for the job here first, then I signed the other contract, and I didn't start working on it until I got here. I sent it off at the beginning of Fall quarter. It will be published with BLT-U after my name, not under my old job. It's affiliated with this Uni." Boss: "Oh, but you wrote it before Fall quarter started." Me: "Yes, after I left my other job. It's my name, BLT-U in the publication." Boss: "But it was accepted in October. " Me: "Yesssss?" Boss: "Okay, I guess this one won't be a problem." Me: "Okay?" Boss: "This other one, is that real [as in legit]? It says there's "newsletter" in the title. So that's not an actual publication that was peer-reviewed then." Me: "No, it's legit. It's out of major university. The editors are two of the top people in the field right now. They read and approve all the submissions because it's still small, but it's run by major scholars and isn't a society or conference proceedings thing. I think they put "newsletter" in the subtitle because they also include interviews, CFPs in the field, bibliographies of major scholarship in the field. It's not something stapled together and sent out." Boss: "Oh, well, I'm not sure." Me: "Okay...??" Boss: "How many pages is pub one?" Me: "19." Boss: "How many pages is pub 2?" Me: "About 9." Boss: "Oh, wow, you're already over half of the minimum requirement for publications then. Wow, you're doing really well!"
Head/desk--after ze just told me that the two in question might not be really legit. So wtf?
Boss: "So what's your scholarship plan?" Me: "To do x, y, z, get past the min requirements, get a cushion and get that set and then start working on my book." Boss: "You don't need a book." Me: " I want to write a book." Boss: "you should start doing that now, just in case you can't find a publisher."
?????
And now, the thing that has me the most cheesed off--
Boss: "So, what's your favorite class that you like to teach?" Me: [enthusiasm out the wazzoo] The theory class! I love that class so much. Hands down my favorite." Boss: "oh, that's going to be a problem." Me: [quizzical look]. Boss: "See, senior prof has been clammering for it for some time; Ze has been wanting to teach it for forever, so we're giving it to hir. You got it last year because the dean wanted you to teach it [that should say enough right there, I think, but whatever]." Me: "okay, I'll share with senior prof." Boss: "Well, other new hire also wants it, so I'm not sure that you're going to get to keep teaching it." Me: "I don't care what other new hire wants. That's my class. Ze cannot have it, and I will fight hir for it." Boss: "But new hire really wants to teach it." Me: "So? Ze cannot have it. I won't let hir. I'll share with senior prof. But new hire can't have it." Boss: [frown.] "How would you rate your collegiality?" Me: "Perfect."
Seriously? Prior to my teaching it NO ONE wanted to touch that class. Now EVERYONE wants it and I'm supposed to be nice and help everyone out. Meanwhile, new hire (who by the way hasn't published as much as me this year--ze may have done something in grad school, but since being here, nothing) already has gotten an upper division class and a GRAD class mind you, and I've only gotten one required majors class--the theory class--and I'm supposed to roll over and be "collegial" about giving up the class. Fuck that. I was brought in to teach that class. New Hire said that didn't even come up in hir interview. Well, I'd like to think there was a reason for that. I was hired to teach this class.
Look, I know this is the nature of the beast, but I feel totally betrayed by these two colleagues/friends who are muscling in on my class all of a sudden. You know why? Because before I got here, the students talked about that class like a necessary evil. When I taught it in the Winter, the word around the halls were that theory is awesome. That the students continued their theory discussion in their other classes before those classes started. That the class fucking rocked. It's not because of the theory. It's because of me goddammit.
Look, I don't normally toot my own horn, but I rock at that class.
And you know what, I fucking picked that territory because no one else fucking wanted it. And I'm not letting that go without a fight.
For now, though, it means that it will be 2013 before I get to teach that class again.
My boss was also critical of the "cushy" schedule that I had in the Winter. Hmmm, 8 am theory class, a huge break, and an 8 am lit class. Cushy, right. Should I point out that ze was the one who chose those classes and times for me?
Head/desk.
I seriously am so nettled right now. I will eventually calm down and relax. I'll eventually get over it. But right now, GRRRRRR! I shake my fist in the air in irateness.
And on an unrelated note: the postman is hoarding my contacts. Seriously. Told the eye doctor he attempted to deliver them, unbeknownst to me, and that he would try again today. I watched that mofo drive away without attempting to deliver anything.
Also, this week I broke my French Press. And I dropped the very expensive watch that the husband gave me for my graduation present and broke that, too. I got two grease burns making falafel. And one of the first friends that I made here got a really great job out of state and left this morning. Shit ass motherfucking week. Also, my allergies are kicking my ass, too. Not happy.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Settling down a bit.
I was so out of sorts yesterday with the whole book order thing, that as soon as I finished it, I got this massive headache. Like bringing tears to my eyes, damn near crying headache.
I mean, I was sort of cranky when I woke up yesterday, too. Annoyed and pissy. When I got to campus, the internet in my office was jacked up. The building's wireless wasn't working. My email wasn't working.* And had the system been shut down in my classroom, then my plan for the day would have been over. That didn't happen though. Thankfully. But I was pissed when I got in to go teach. That changed a bit once I started teaching, but damn. I was cranky.
On top of it all, my hair sucked yesterday. And that had me grumpy, too.
Anyway, I talked to senior prof who teaches the 20th century version of the class I'm teaching in the fall, and ze helped me out quite a bit. The one course description line made it sound like it was an upper division survey class, and it is not. So I've got a good list of things I think. About half of it is stuff that I've taught before and feel comfortable teaching. The other half is stuff I want to read and stuff that I've long been wanting to teach. I've been teaching the first half of the century for soooooo long, my entire grad school career and then some, that I'm just sorta burnt out on it. My research interests are elsewhere now, and I'm trying to teach more in that area. But now that other person in my field didn't get tenure, then all of that falls on me. Which is fine. But it's not the ONLY thing I want to do here.
I guess one way to do that is to propose some courses. That's something I'll work on this summer.
Summer. Hmmmm. That's a problem. If I get offered teaching, I have to take it. We need the money. But it will interfere with my summer research plans. And that's a problem.
You know what? I can't even think about summer right now. I can't. I'll start to cry.
I tell you what though. Tomorrow can't be here soon e-fucking-nough. Seriously. I'm going to let the class out early (as I will today), and even though I have office hours, I'll just get the mid-terms copied and all that jazz. Grade any lit analyses that have come in. And since this is long, I'll do a separate post on the plan for the weekend.
Letting the class out early today might not make any freaking difference, actually. I have a handful of students who stay after every class to talk to me. Which is fine. I love it actually. I'm glad that they're engaged enough to want to keep talking about the text, to keep asking questions, to further the discussion. In Fancy Town, the students couldn't get out of the classroom soon enough. It's nice, don't get me wrong. But seriously, on a Friday afternoon, at 1:45, I so don't want to hang around until 2:00, 2:15 continuing the conversation. I don't. Today's the last day of the week for that class before break. I don't want to let class out at 1:30 and still be there at 2:00. But I don't want the stus to think that I don't want to talk with them. That's only the MWF class. The TR class--those students don't hang around at all. So I'm not complaining, really. I'm just ready for the break.
*which is totally awesome you know? Because we're an engineering school, but our technology is worse than the SLAC I came from. We still have freaking WEBMAIL for crying out loud! And our email CRASHES! Hello?! 1996 called and wants its technology back. I feel lucky that I don't have a rotary phone in my office for Pete's sake. And lo and behold! It's not working this morning! Oh wait, my internet at home was out. Craptastic.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Book Order Pissiness
Argh! Right now I'm so freaking annoyed and I have to vent.
So I get an email last night saying my book order for fall is due. Yeah, it's through the book order person that I find out I'm teaching an upper division, brand new to me, course in the fall. Nice. And the book order was due yesterday.
My boss had not discussed this possibility with me... EVER!
Oh, and my boss has been sitting on the fall schedule for over a month now.
Oh, and the book order, by federal mandate, was actually due yesterday.
So I have to basically make a snap decision NOW about what I want to teach for a class I've never taught, don't know the scope of beyond the course description which is one vague and confusing line, and I have to have this locked in for something I'm teaching in six months.
You know, a fucking month to think about this would have been much more helpful than, oh, I don't know, 24 fucking hours!!
I don't know about you, but for a course that I've never taught before, I have to think about the scope of the course, what I want to do BEFORE I settle on the books. There's a shit ton of stuff that I'd like to do, and I can't do all of it in a quarter, so this takes more than 24 hours, for me at least. So again, I've got to make a snap fucking decision about what I want to teach six months from now.
And the two people who probably have taught this course already are unavailable at this particular time. I'm hoping that changes before my office hours are over.
Half the shit that I want to teach, that are in my field, were already taught last quarter, and as it's upper division, I don't want half the class to be stuff that they've all already read.
I'm so freaking incensed right now that I have a headache. I feel like I might blow a gasket. Seriously.
It's times like this I wish I had a heavy bag.
And since there has been no consultation of the schedule, I am worried this means I will be stuck with fucking 8 am classes and huge gaps again in the fall. Fuck me. I guess I'll find out on Thursday when I have my yearly eval meeting.
I seriously want to punch someone in the face right now.
I feel like it feels that I'm overreacting, but I can't help it. This really has me very mad. I love the person who's my boss to death--as a person, ze is great. As a boss, ze is horrific. Thank goodness it's temporary. I know that's terrible, but argh. I'm cranky today. And my hair sucks today, too. That's just like insult to injury man.
Now to go see if I can get any clarity on what this damn course I'm teaching in the fall actually is.
So I get an email last night saying my book order for fall is due. Yeah, it's through the book order person that I find out I'm teaching an upper division, brand new to me, course in the fall. Nice. And the book order was due yesterday.
My boss had not discussed this possibility with me... EVER!
Oh, and my boss has been sitting on the fall schedule for over a month now.
Oh, and the book order, by federal mandate, was actually due yesterday.
So I have to basically make a snap decision NOW about what I want to teach for a class I've never taught, don't know the scope of beyond the course description which is one vague and confusing line, and I have to have this locked in for something I'm teaching in six months.
You know, a fucking month to think about this would have been much more helpful than, oh, I don't know, 24 fucking hours!!
I don't know about you, but for a course that I've never taught before, I have to think about the scope of the course, what I want to do BEFORE I settle on the books. There's a shit ton of stuff that I'd like to do, and I can't do all of it in a quarter, so this takes more than 24 hours, for me at least. So again, I've got to make a snap fucking decision about what I want to teach six months from now.
And the two people who probably have taught this course already are unavailable at this particular time. I'm hoping that changes before my office hours are over.
Half the shit that I want to teach, that are in my field, were already taught last quarter, and as it's upper division, I don't want half the class to be stuff that they've all already read.
I'm so freaking incensed right now that I have a headache. I feel like I might blow a gasket. Seriously.
It's times like this I wish I had a heavy bag.
And since there has been no consultation of the schedule, I am worried this means I will be stuck with fucking 8 am classes and huge gaps again in the fall. Fuck me. I guess I'll find out on Thursday when I have my yearly eval meeting.
I seriously want to punch someone in the face right now.
I feel like it feels that I'm overreacting, but I can't help it. This really has me very mad. I love the person who's my boss to death--as a person, ze is great. As a boss, ze is horrific. Thank goodness it's temporary. I know that's terrible, but argh. I'm cranky today. And my hair sucks today, too. That's just like insult to injury man.
Now to go see if I can get any clarity on what this damn course I'm teaching in the fall actually is.
Monday, April 2, 2012
More on the Importance of Saturday Morning Prep Work
Finally! A weekend when I can get my work done! Well, Saturday was a wasted day because I was totally foolish Friday night and was hungover like a champ on Saturday. Lately, I've been doing this. For the last three weeks in a row I've gotten really drunk one night--so drunk that the next day is a complete wash for productivity.
One thing I've noticed: these has all been weeks when I haven't been able to prep on Saturdays.
The last three weeks, well four really, although the week after Spring Break I was a bit fluish, so that one sort of counts here, but for the last three weeks, my workouts have gone out the window. I went from six days a week to 2-4. That's bad for me. And for the last three weeks, we've been eating terribly. Lots of pizza. That's our go-to when we don't feel like cooking.
And what has changed in those last three weeks?
No Saturday prep.
I knew in February it was what was freeing up my week days--that little time spent on Saturday prepping (although a pain, but still), but I didn't realize what an overall impact it had in such a positive way on my overall well-being.
I know I wrote about this on the other blog, but I had not realized truly what an impact it had on me.
The one time I got drunk in February was when my bro and SIL came in. In January, I was getting sad and drunk on Monday nights, for whatever reason, that was my stress night. But in February, once I started prepping on Saturdays and was able to work out then Saturdays through Thursdays, I wasn't so stressed on Fridays. I was exhausted from the week (usually from the work outs), but not stressed. And if I had beer on Fridays, it was two. Although we weren't really going out either. But on Sundays and Saturdays when we'd go to friends' houses, I wasn't getting drunk like I have been.
Yesterday, since I was totally not feeling well Saturday morning, I had to get up early so I could prep. before going over to the g'parents'. I didn't finish and had to finish when we got home, but still, it was done. And I had time to cook. And I slept really well last night, and I woke up this morning not stressed out because I've got the lit class under control. And I have no grading this week either (except I might have some lit analyses coming in, but I don't think anyone is writing on Realism, or few may, but I can knock those out Thursday).
The point is, I'm not stressed out about this week. The point is that I can come home from school today and work out and not have all this stuff hanging over my head. It also means that I won't have to chose among working out, finishing work, or cooking. It means that I won't have to get up at 5 am tomorrow morning and finish my work before school.
Again, I know I wrote about all of this over at the other blog, but I didn't really realize (I'm slow, right? It takes me forever to figure these things out) how much of a difference it makes. Like I knew Saturday prep meant that I got to work out in my afternoons during the week. That was the point of Saturday prep. What I didn't realize was a) how much that afternoon working out was keeping my stress level down and my health up (I've been feeling low grade crappy for about four weeks now--no, I'm not pregnant--that was a bit defensive, but if I mention a sneeze on FB, everyone jumps in with "omg! you're totally pregnant. So I feel I always have to clarify and then apologize for my defensiveness); b) how much of an impact it had on my willingness/energy to cook during the week; c) how much more enormous prep work is during the week compared to Saturday morning. It's easier to find six hours (at the most--like if we're reading 100+ pages, which is rare for the week, but happens, or Henry James) between 6 am and noon on Saturday than it is to find that during the week, even if it's broken up. It just took me a while to realize that.
So now, since I've gotten this taken care of for the week, NOW I feel like we can return to our regularly scheduled program. I'll let you know if this is the case. :)
One thing I've noticed: these has all been weeks when I haven't been able to prep on Saturdays.
The last three weeks, well four really, although the week after Spring Break I was a bit fluish, so that one sort of counts here, but for the last three weeks, my workouts have gone out the window. I went from six days a week to 2-4. That's bad for me. And for the last three weeks, we've been eating terribly. Lots of pizza. That's our go-to when we don't feel like cooking.
And what has changed in those last three weeks?
No Saturday prep.
I knew in February it was what was freeing up my week days--that little time spent on Saturday prepping (although a pain, but still), but I didn't realize what an overall impact it had in such a positive way on my overall well-being.
I know I wrote about this on the other blog, but I had not realized truly what an impact it had on me.
The one time I got drunk in February was when my bro and SIL came in. In January, I was getting sad and drunk on Monday nights, for whatever reason, that was my stress night. But in February, once I started prepping on Saturdays and was able to work out then Saturdays through Thursdays, I wasn't so stressed on Fridays. I was exhausted from the week (usually from the work outs), but not stressed. And if I had beer on Fridays, it was two. Although we weren't really going out either. But on Sundays and Saturdays when we'd go to friends' houses, I wasn't getting drunk like I have been.
Yesterday, since I was totally not feeling well Saturday morning, I had to get up early so I could prep. before going over to the g'parents'. I didn't finish and had to finish when we got home, but still, it was done. And I had time to cook. And I slept really well last night, and I woke up this morning not stressed out because I've got the lit class under control. And I have no grading this week either (except I might have some lit analyses coming in, but I don't think anyone is writing on Realism, or few may, but I can knock those out Thursday).
The point is, I'm not stressed out about this week. The point is that I can come home from school today and work out and not have all this stuff hanging over my head. It also means that I won't have to chose among working out, finishing work, or cooking. It means that I won't have to get up at 5 am tomorrow morning and finish my work before school.
Again, I know I wrote about all of this over at the other blog, but I didn't really realize (I'm slow, right? It takes me forever to figure these things out) how much of a difference it makes. Like I knew Saturday prep meant that I got to work out in my afternoons during the week. That was the point of Saturday prep. What I didn't realize was a) how much that afternoon working out was keeping my stress level down and my health up (I've been feeling low grade crappy for about four weeks now--no, I'm not pregnant--that was a bit defensive, but if I mention a sneeze on FB, everyone jumps in with "omg! you're totally pregnant. So I feel I always have to clarify and then apologize for my defensiveness); b) how much of an impact it had on my willingness/energy to cook during the week; c) how much more enormous prep work is during the week compared to Saturday morning. It's easier to find six hours (at the most--like if we're reading 100+ pages, which is rare for the week, but happens, or Henry James) between 6 am and noon on Saturday than it is to find that during the week, even if it's broken up. It just took me a while to realize that.
So now, since I've gotten this taken care of for the week, NOW I feel like we can return to our regularly scheduled program. I'll let you know if this is the case. :)
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