Today is the first day in my history of being at Big Little Town U that I've a) taken more of a mental health day than a sick day, although I am sick, still and b) have missed two full entire days of classes.
Because I've been sicker than I had been these last two weeks, I am woefully behind. This is stressing me out, greatly, which I think is adding to my morning sickness. At the very least, I can't imagine that it's helping, even if the two are entirely unrelated. These last two weeks have been the roughest thus far, even with the medicine. I had some bad days earlier on, but they were usually only one or two days a week. Now, I'm sick more often than I'm not.
I am deeply afraid though that I'm turning into *that* colleague or *that* pregnant woman whose only reason for being sick is the result of building a child that she decided to do, and I don't want this to be perceived as affecting my work. I am entirely self-conscious of this. In my defense, I've missed fewer pregnancy related days than some of my colleagues missed last quarter for the flu. Perhaps it's not the same, but I have about as much control over how my body feels as one who has the flu does.
This has been a woefully horrible week. It's the first week really that I've fallen behind and have just been floundering. I don't like that feeling. I don't like feeling like a slacker or a loser here because I'm having trouble keeping my head above water. On top of this, I now seem to be plagued with headaches, and entirely new occurrence here.
While I do so completely want to crawl back into bed, because I know a nice long nap would do me a lot of good, I think what would combat the stress more would be to take advantage of my convalescence and read as much as I can today. It doesn't seem to me like the weekends are enough time for me anymore. And I've even dropped my Saturday work outs for the sake of getting work done.
I think I'm going to request a MWF schedule for next quarter. Yes, it will mean long days on Mondays and Wednesdays, but at least it gives me Tuesdays and Thursdays to recover and work, either prep or actually get my own work done. This five day a week thing is too much for me--I've really grown to hate it. And I've found, too, that I dislike 2 hour undergraduate classes. It takes more energy than I have to expend in one shot right now. But I was thinking about this this morning, and it turns out that I a) do not like late morning/afternoon classes. I thought I might, but I don't, and b) I don't like 2 hour undergrad classes. No. So I've sent off my request to my boss. We'll see what she says. I think I might like that, actually, even if it means I'm on campus from 8:00-4:15 on MW. I can handle that if I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off. And that's what I did at my old job, so we'll see what she says.
In any case, I'm going to take a shower and read and relax. Since I have time to read, I think it will be less strenuous on me. And perhaps I can get ahead. Anyway, I hope no one thinks less of me for ditching teaching in order to destress and catch up.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Meltdown
Yesterday I had my first total and complete pregnancy breakdown. I think this is related both to my hormones, my exhaustion, and my craptacular diet right now which in turn is also a result of my exhaustion and my hormones.
I completely lit into the husband yesterday. To be fair, he did sort of have it coming, but I did it over text message. That's bad. I sent him a courtesy text to let him know I was in a foul mood and mad, and since he said "why?" I used that as a reason to just let loose. He is a good man in that he recognized that all of my complaints were legit, that my yelling at him wasn't unreasonable, and now that the air is cleared, we can move on.
However, because I "emotional ate" yesterday for the first time in seriously like 9 or 10 months, I feel like total and complete crap this morning. As a matter of fact, I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast right now which is so very unlike me.
And I have to confess, I thought I had a good schedule, but it turns out that I hate it. With a passion. And I am, indeed, very much missing semesters right now. Semesters make so much more sense than quarters. One cannot cover the material that needs to be covered in a quarter. Sure, the students probably finish school quicker because the quarter allows them to take 3 more classes a year than on semesters, but I don't think the quality of education is there, to be quite honest. It's like every quarter is a summer session. But whatever. No one is asking me about it.
This is week is not really shaping up to be a good week. I'm exhausted. I'm cranky. I'm having some major digestive issues that I read about but which I was hoping to escape, and it's not like I can take anything for it. So, I just have to deal with it. And while I tried to make the reading for my classes reasonable for my sake at this point, I'm just barely hanging on, and it seems to me like it's just going to get worse before break before it starts to get better.
Look, I'm sorry to be all negative Nancy and all, but right now it's just frustrating. You know? It's like that point when you're sick and you want to get stuff done, you know you need to get stuff done, but your body has completely different plans for you, against which no rebelling is possible? Or if you could just have two days in bed, doing absolutely nothing, so you could totally recharge you'd be better? But alas, that's not possible either? And it's so early in the quarter, and the survey class is already behind, so I can't justify staying in bed today, as much as I really, really REALLY would like to. One and a half weeks left. I can make it.
What I seriously need is that month long semester break. What I long for is that semester break. But here's why it won't happen. This is still a very racist state. And down the street is an historically black university. In the 60s, after desegregation, and I have this on good authority, my school was worried that those students would then try to transfer to my school. So in order to make transferring more difficult, since the other college was on a semester system (and still is), my school switched to the quarter system. Nice, huh? It's so grand to be part of such a racist legacy. And most people suspect that until the other school switches to the quarter system, we will not switch to the semester system. Or, unless we switch university systems as the other major system in the state is a semester system, which I wish it would happen for that reason. Although that might mean a 4-4, but I don't think that's possible if the school is trying to become an R-1. You can't have a 4-4 tenure load at an R-1. Or rather, I can't think of any R-1s with that kind of teaching load. Anyway, that's neither here nor there.
Well, that being said, I should walk the dogs, unload the dishwasher, and get dinner prepped and in the crockpot so I have no excuses for a good dinner tonight. I may cancel my office hours this afternoon, too if I still feel this crappy after my second class.
Have a grand day 'all. I hope your finals weeks are going well!
I completely lit into the husband yesterday. To be fair, he did sort of have it coming, but I did it over text message. That's bad. I sent him a courtesy text to let him know I was in a foul mood and mad, and since he said "why?" I used that as a reason to just let loose. He is a good man in that he recognized that all of my complaints were legit, that my yelling at him wasn't unreasonable, and now that the air is cleared, we can move on.
However, because I "emotional ate" yesterday for the first time in seriously like 9 or 10 months, I feel like total and complete crap this morning. As a matter of fact, I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast right now which is so very unlike me.
And I have to confess, I thought I had a good schedule, but it turns out that I hate it. With a passion. And I am, indeed, very much missing semesters right now. Semesters make so much more sense than quarters. One cannot cover the material that needs to be covered in a quarter. Sure, the students probably finish school quicker because the quarter allows them to take 3 more classes a year than on semesters, but I don't think the quality of education is there, to be quite honest. It's like every quarter is a summer session. But whatever. No one is asking me about it.
This is week is not really shaping up to be a good week. I'm exhausted. I'm cranky. I'm having some major digestive issues that I read about but which I was hoping to escape, and it's not like I can take anything for it. So, I just have to deal with it. And while I tried to make the reading for my classes reasonable for my sake at this point, I'm just barely hanging on, and it seems to me like it's just going to get worse before break before it starts to get better.
Look, I'm sorry to be all negative Nancy and all, but right now it's just frustrating. You know? It's like that point when you're sick and you want to get stuff done, you know you need to get stuff done, but your body has completely different plans for you, against which no rebelling is possible? Or if you could just have two days in bed, doing absolutely nothing, so you could totally recharge you'd be better? But alas, that's not possible either? And it's so early in the quarter, and the survey class is already behind, so I can't justify staying in bed today, as much as I really, really REALLY would like to. One and a half weeks left. I can make it.
What I seriously need is that month long semester break. What I long for is that semester break. But here's why it won't happen. This is still a very racist state. And down the street is an historically black university. In the 60s, after desegregation, and I have this on good authority, my school was worried that those students would then try to transfer to my school. So in order to make transferring more difficult, since the other college was on a semester system (and still is), my school switched to the quarter system. Nice, huh? It's so grand to be part of such a racist legacy. And most people suspect that until the other school switches to the quarter system, we will not switch to the semester system. Or, unless we switch university systems as the other major system in the state is a semester system, which I wish it would happen for that reason. Although that might mean a 4-4, but I don't think that's possible if the school is trying to become an R-1. You can't have a 4-4 tenure load at an R-1. Or rather, I can't think of any R-1s with that kind of teaching load. Anyway, that's neither here nor there.
Well, that being said, I should walk the dogs, unload the dishwasher, and get dinner prepped and in the crockpot so I have no excuses for a good dinner tonight. I may cancel my office hours this afternoon, too if I still feel this crappy after my second class.
Have a grand day 'all. I hope your finals weeks are going well!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Take 2
Well, yesterday became a gigantic bust. Hardly anything accomplished at all.
I will try again today. Although my stomach already hurts, but I know why.
This is really what's killing me. As you know, in general, I eat very very healthy and follow a fairly strict Paleo routine here because I feel good when I eat clean. The last 5 weeks have been a struggle though. I try to prep on Saturdays--I've even cut out my Saturday workouts at the box because since I've been so tired, I've found that if I work out on Saturday, then nothing else gets done (they are usually longer, more intense workouts on Saturdays). I had decided then that I would limit my workouts to M-F, use Saturdays to food prep and school prep.
None of this, except maybe one week in the last five, has worked out according to plan. And you know me, I LOVE making plans and charts and lists of things to do and get done. The fact that none of this has worked is stressing me out. I can count on both hands the number of times I have actually cooked in the last five weeks. This can't continue. Also, I've already gained about 12-15 pounds, most of which is food related. I have a super cute belly, but the problem is that I have also grown a ginormous butt and hips, so I really don't actually look pregnant. I just look like I've gotten fat. I wouldn't mind if it were all belly and boobs.
Gluten and dairy make me ill. But what appeals to me most right now? What can I think about without making me vomit? Bread and cheese. Like this morning. And now I feel my belly churning, but at the time, it was the only thing that sounded appealing.
Also, I hate to ask for help. I like to do everything on my own. But finally, last night, in a minor breakdown about the growing size of my hips, crying into my frosty (again, only thing that sounded good--terrible!!), I finally asked the husband to help with the food. So his jobs now on Mondays, since he has Mondays off, is to do the weekly food prep so that the cooking of the food won't take longer than 30 minutes. I can swing that. I can muster the energy to spend 30 minutes cooking. I can do that. Plus, it will leave my Saturdays open for work all day, which I seem to be able to manage only one major task at a time.
I know perhaps I may sound like I'm being too hard on myself. I'm not really that upset about the weight gain. What I am upset about is that I know that the other parts of my body that are getting bigger are not getting bigger because of the pregnancy but because I don't seem to have control over my stomach and what it averts or craves. It's very frustrating sometimes. I think the best way to describe it would be like having a constant hangover on top of mono. And it's not like when I'm tired now in the afternoons that I can just get a latte or something and continue on my merry way.
On top of this, I feel like a terrible wife. I'm not cooking for the husband. The house is a mess. I don't make his lunch for him, all things I do willingly because my schedule is much freer and open than his. He's often gone from 4:45 am until about 6:30 pm. And I don't expect him to get up at 4 just to make his lunch when I have time to do it and can bring it to him when we cross paths at the box. It's important to note that he does NOT think I'm terrible or lazy or a slacker at all. He is 100% completely supportive of my afternoon naps and lack of cooking, and he's the one that has to remind me where all of my energy is currently going. But I do wish he were more like, "uh, that's going to make you sick. Put it down." He doesn't cook in the evenings because neither of us wants to eat at 8 at night either. However, I've got to figure something out soon, or I predict that my life is going to get more miserable rather than better. And I really really want to enjoy this.
Anyway, this post went miles away from where I meant to start.
Take 2--If I can get to page 120 of this book today, I'll consider that a success. And I am going to go for a run, even if it ends up only being one mile. And the husband should be back early enough before the "breakfast for dinner" dinner gathering that we can go to the grocery today. I've had my daily allowable caffeine, the dogs are fed and walked...
ETA: I have no idea why this got deleted or the finished draft didn't appear. Humphf.
I will try again today. Although my stomach already hurts, but I know why.
This is really what's killing me. As you know, in general, I eat very very healthy and follow a fairly strict Paleo routine here because I feel good when I eat clean. The last 5 weeks have been a struggle though. I try to prep on Saturdays--I've even cut out my Saturday workouts at the box because since I've been so tired, I've found that if I work out on Saturday, then nothing else gets done (they are usually longer, more intense workouts on Saturdays). I had decided then that I would limit my workouts to M-F, use Saturdays to food prep and school prep.
None of this, except maybe one week in the last five, has worked out according to plan. And you know me, I LOVE making plans and charts and lists of things to do and get done. The fact that none of this has worked is stressing me out. I can count on both hands the number of times I have actually cooked in the last five weeks. This can't continue. Also, I've already gained about 12-15 pounds, most of which is food related. I have a super cute belly, but the problem is that I have also grown a ginormous butt and hips, so I really don't actually look pregnant. I just look like I've gotten fat. I wouldn't mind if it were all belly and boobs.
Gluten and dairy make me ill. But what appeals to me most right now? What can I think about without making me vomit? Bread and cheese. Like this morning. And now I feel my belly churning, but at the time, it was the only thing that sounded appealing.
Also, I hate to ask for help. I like to do everything on my own. But finally, last night, in a minor breakdown about the growing size of my hips, crying into my frosty (again, only thing that sounded good--terrible!!), I finally asked the husband to help with the food. So his jobs now on Mondays, since he has Mondays off, is to do the weekly food prep so that the cooking of the food won't take longer than 30 minutes. I can swing that. I can muster the energy to spend 30 minutes cooking. I can do that. Plus, it will leave my Saturdays open for work all day, which I seem to be able to manage only one major task at a time.
I know perhaps I may sound like I'm being too hard on myself. I'm not really that upset about the weight gain. What I am upset about is that I know that the other parts of my body that are getting bigger are not getting bigger because of the pregnancy but because I don't seem to have control over my stomach and what it averts or craves. It's very frustrating sometimes. I think the best way to describe it would be like having a constant hangover on top of mono. And it's not like when I'm tired now in the afternoons that I can just get a latte or something and continue on my merry way.
On top of this, I feel like a terrible wife. I'm not cooking for the husband. The house is a mess. I don't make his lunch for him, all things I do willingly because my schedule is much freer and open than his. He's often gone from 4:45 am until about 6:30 pm. And I don't expect him to get up at 4 just to make his lunch when I have time to do it and can bring it to him when we cross paths at the box. It's important to note that he does NOT think I'm terrible or lazy or a slacker at all. He is 100% completely supportive of my afternoon naps and lack of cooking, and he's the one that has to remind me where all of my energy is currently going. But I do wish he were more like, "uh, that's going to make you sick. Put it down." He doesn't cook in the evenings because neither of us wants to eat at 8 at night either. However, I've got to figure something out soon, or I predict that my life is going to get more miserable rather than better. And I really really want to enjoy this.
Anyway, this post went miles away from where I meant to start.
Take 2--If I can get to page 120 of this book today, I'll consider that a success. And I am going to go for a run, even if it ends up only being one mile. And the husband should be back early enough before the "breakfast for dinner" dinner gathering that we can go to the grocery today. I've had my daily allowable caffeine, the dogs are fed and walked...
ETA: I have no idea why this got deleted or the finished draft didn't appear. Humphf.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Lots to do this weekend
So far today has been another good day. Or I guess rather this morning thus far has been good. I was up at 5 with the J because he has drill, and honestly, this is one weekend that I'm glad he has drill. I have a ton of James to read this weekend, and let me tell you, I managed about 12 pages already this morning, and they were excruciating at that. But James on James often is, so I'm hoping when I get to the actual novel, it might go a little bit better. But I've got 200 pages to read by Tuesday and then another 100 to read by Thursday, so in all honesty, I've got to try to knock out 150 today and another 150 tomorrow.
Complicating this though is that the house is, in no other describable way, but The Nasty right now. I am so thankful that I had the foresight to move my bday party from tonight to next weekend because a) I have all that James to read; b) the J has drill, so I'd be doing EVERYTHING on my own today--cleaning, cooking, etc., and I don't have the stamina to do the everything. Next week it is. Not to mention that I have a cocktail party to attend tonight. Honestly, I find it rather annoying that I need to get super dressed up for this, which the hostess has every right to want to have a fancy grown up party. I will just get dressed up. It's the best I can do right now. And who has the money to go buy a cocktail party dress? Not me. I'm more looking forward to the "breakfast for dinner" dinner that we're going to tomorrow night. I like low key. I guess dress up is fun, but right now, my primary desire is just to be comfortable at all times.
I feel like this post sounds really grumpy. I'm really not. I'm having a good day so far even for being up at 5 am.
So here's the plan for today.
Complicating this though is that the house is, in no other describable way, but The Nasty right now. I am so thankful that I had the foresight to move my bday party from tonight to next weekend because a) I have all that James to read; b) the J has drill, so I'd be doing EVERYTHING on my own today--cleaning, cooking, etc., and I don't have the stamina to do the everything. Next week it is. Not to mention that I have a cocktail party to attend tonight. Honestly, I find it rather annoying that I need to get super dressed up for this, which the hostess has every right to want to have a fancy grown up party. I will just get dressed up. It's the best I can do right now. And who has the money to go buy a cocktail party dress? Not me. I'm more looking forward to the "breakfast for dinner" dinner that we're going to tomorrow night. I like low key. I guess dress up is fun, but right now, my primary desire is just to be comfortable at all times.
I feel like this post sounds really grumpy. I'm really not. I'm having a good day so far even for being up at 5 am.
So here's the plan for today.
- Try to get at least 150 pages of James read today.
- Go for a short, very easy 3 mile run.
- Make the chicken pot pie for lunch/dinner.
- Do some cleaning.
Part of the reason why I want to get the James reading for the week done this weekend is so that I can, ideally, chip away at the house work during the week, provided I'm not nauseated or exhausted. Which is also part of the reason for wanting to knock out James this weekend, too, because I just don't know how I'll feel later. I have at least gotten the kitchen started. I cleaned the stove, put away some dishes, and then started on another set of dishes in the dishwasher. I've had breakfast. I have some lightly caffeinated coffee. The dogs have been walked twice and fed. I've read the preface to the novel. I guess it's actually been a productive three hours thus far.
Ideally, the plan is to read until noon, however far I get. Have a snack around 10 or 11. Run around noon. Make the pot pie, if the chicken hasn't turned into the nasty yet. It's cooked, but I've been lazy this week. (If that's the case, formulate plan B--tomato soup). Then we'll say clean for an hour or two, then read until 5:30. Then get ready for the cocktail party. And then I guess basically wash, rinse, and repeat for tomorrow. Wish me luck!
ETA: Sigh. Alas the day has not gone as planned. I'm only on about page 60. The reading has gone painfully slow. I've napped. I've also been hit with afternoon morning sickness, and it's more than the medicine can handle. Well, one of the meds can handle it, but it knocks me out for about 8 hours a pop most nights, so I can't take that one until it's bed time. Needless to say, I don't think the cocktail party is in my future tonight. I hate to have to cancel/revoke my affirmative RSVP just hours before the party, but I feel like barfing and crawling into a hole. It has completely sapped my energy and totally thrown off my day. This also means that not a damn thing is getting cleaned today either. So there it is. I think I will take a shower and then make some more rice, have a banana, and perhaps just lay down on the couch. I'm not sure if I even have the energy to read any more either. Crap.
ETA: Sigh. Alas the day has not gone as planned. I'm only on about page 60. The reading has gone painfully slow. I've napped. I've also been hit with afternoon morning sickness, and it's more than the medicine can handle. Well, one of the meds can handle it, but it knocks me out for about 8 hours a pop most nights, so I can't take that one until it's bed time. Needless to say, I don't think the cocktail party is in my future tonight. I hate to have to cancel/revoke my affirmative RSVP just hours before the party, but I feel like barfing and crawling into a hole. It has completely sapped my energy and totally thrown off my day. This also means that not a damn thing is getting cleaned today either. So there it is. I think I will take a shower and then make some more rice, have a banana, and perhaps just lay down on the couch. I'm not sure if I even have the energy to read any more either. Crap.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Various and Sundry Things...
This week has been a mixed bag. I don't like starting the quarter off so, but I think I'll eventually recover.
Monday was the first day since I've been pregnant that I actually missed work due to something pregnancy related. I was so so very sick. I know, everyone tells me that it will eventually get better, but I feel like my morning sickness gets worse, though it's hard to judge with the medicine. And I have eaten more rice this week than I have in the last year. And I've eaten more bananas this week than I have in the last two months I think. And this is the first full week of the quarter and I missed Monday. I've been floundering in all three classes already, and I hate to begin the quarter feeling this way. Right now, I'm just hanging on until Christmas break.
I also do not like it when I'm sick because it interferes with my working out. I've had to drop down to 4-5 days a week as it is, but weeks like this when I'm really sick, it's more like three days a week. And we all know that I feel better when I work out.
Yesterday was my best day so far this week. It also happened to be my birthday, so it was nice of the little Magpie not to cause me difficulty. Rather s/he waited until my bday was officially over, and at about 1:30 am, I bolted to the bathroom because I thought dinner was about to make an encore (TMI? I'm sorry; I'm trying to be delicate). My nighttime medicine makes me sleepy (hence taking it at night), so another dose at 1:30 am left me unfit to work out at 6 am, sadly. But, this is the second time this has happened after eating at this particular restaurant. We thought last time it was because I ate fried jalapeno poppers and some crab rangoon. We thought it was the fried rich stuff I just don't eat at all. Last night I ate exactly what I ordered last time, minus the fried food and still, BAM! Kerpow! The early morning rolled around and I felt like I was in Alien. So this morning sort of sucks.
However, my birthday was WONDERFUL! The husband took a half day for me, so we went to the movies and saw this, which was absolutely, positively AMAZING! We were expecting it to be good, but holy cow, we were totally blown away by it (man, there's a pun in there somewhere). So that was great. Then we went out to eat. And then we came home and I opened my presents. I got a Thor ornament (from the Magpie), a stuffed animal (I love those beanie baby big eyed larger animals--I know, I know. But the mutts gave me that). And then the J gave me a Happy gift set because I love that perfume, and the Play Station Move pack and Just Dance 4 because I've been pining for that since the summer. And then we watched this, which is one of my all time favorite movies, and which my sis gave me for my bday last year. And the J gave me this really sappy card that made me cry, and then he started to tear up so then I cried more, and it was all so very sweet and lovely. It was a great birthday. Probably one of the best ones I've ever had.
Next weekend is my actual birthday party. There's too much to do around here to have gotten anything ready for a party tomorrow. Plus there's another party tomorrow night--one of the history profs has a holiday cocktail party, at which cocktail attire is required, but a black dress will have to do. I can't be buying no maternity cocktail dress for an event at which I will probably only spend two hours.
Hmmmm, it seems as if there was something else I wanted to mention. Oh well.
I have a ton of stuff to do between now and Friday. At least I don't have class until 11 today, and Fridays are my teaching only days, so it's as close to a three day weekend as I can get.
Really, if I can just make it to Christmas/Winter/Whatever Break, then I'll be good.
Man, and I haven't even thought about the stuff I need to be writing for myself! At some point I've got to focus on that.
Here's to a happy and productive weekend for you all! And for those of you finishing up your semesters, I am indeed jealous of you!!
Monday was the first day since I've been pregnant that I actually missed work due to something pregnancy related. I was so so very sick. I know, everyone tells me that it will eventually get better, but I feel like my morning sickness gets worse, though it's hard to judge with the medicine. And I have eaten more rice this week than I have in the last year. And I've eaten more bananas this week than I have in the last two months I think. And this is the first full week of the quarter and I missed Monday. I've been floundering in all three classes already, and I hate to begin the quarter feeling this way. Right now, I'm just hanging on until Christmas break.
I also do not like it when I'm sick because it interferes with my working out. I've had to drop down to 4-5 days a week as it is, but weeks like this when I'm really sick, it's more like three days a week. And we all know that I feel better when I work out.
Yesterday was my best day so far this week. It also happened to be my birthday, so it was nice of the little Magpie not to cause me difficulty. Rather s/he waited until my bday was officially over, and at about 1:30 am, I bolted to the bathroom because I thought dinner was about to make an encore (TMI? I'm sorry; I'm trying to be delicate). My nighttime medicine makes me sleepy (hence taking it at night), so another dose at 1:30 am left me unfit to work out at 6 am, sadly. But, this is the second time this has happened after eating at this particular restaurant. We thought last time it was because I ate fried jalapeno poppers and some crab rangoon. We thought it was the fried rich stuff I just don't eat at all. Last night I ate exactly what I ordered last time, minus the fried food and still, BAM! Kerpow! The early morning rolled around and I felt like I was in Alien. So this morning sort of sucks.
However, my birthday was WONDERFUL! The husband took a half day for me, so we went to the movies and saw this, which was absolutely, positively AMAZING! We were expecting it to be good, but holy cow, we were totally blown away by it (man, there's a pun in there somewhere). So that was great. Then we went out to eat. And then we came home and I opened my presents. I got a Thor ornament (from the Magpie), a stuffed animal (I love those beanie baby big eyed larger animals--I know, I know. But the mutts gave me that). And then the J gave me a Happy gift set because I love that perfume, and the Play Station Move pack and Just Dance 4 because I've been pining for that since the summer. And then we watched this, which is one of my all time favorite movies, and which my sis gave me for my bday last year. And the J gave me this really sappy card that made me cry, and then he started to tear up so then I cried more, and it was all so very sweet and lovely. It was a great birthday. Probably one of the best ones I've ever had.
Next weekend is my actual birthday party. There's too much to do around here to have gotten anything ready for a party tomorrow. Plus there's another party tomorrow night--one of the history profs has a holiday cocktail party, at which cocktail attire is required, but a black dress will have to do. I can't be buying no maternity cocktail dress for an event at which I will probably only spend two hours.
Hmmmm, it seems as if there was something else I wanted to mention. Oh well.
I have a ton of stuff to do between now and Friday. At least I don't have class until 11 today, and Fridays are my teaching only days, so it's as close to a three day weekend as I can get.
Really, if I can just make it to Christmas/Winter/Whatever Break, then I'll be good.
Man, and I haven't even thought about the stuff I need to be writing for myself! At some point I've got to focus on that.
Here's to a happy and productive weekend for you all! And for those of you finishing up your semesters, I am indeed jealous of you!!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
So Much To Do Today
Ugh, I have so much to do today. And I'm not feeling terribly well at the moment.
We went to a colleague's and her husband's bday party last night. I feel hungover. Don't worry; I'm not. Fortunately, someone brought some non-alcoholic cider (I checked the bottle twice) that looked just like Proseco in the glass, so I was able to keep up the ruse for another week. But, I felt good when I got home last night so I didn't take my evening morning sickness medicine and at 2 am, right on schedule, I woke up sick. Blerg. Now my tummy and my head hurt, and there's so much to do.
Although I'm not a creative writer, which I have a post brewing on that, along with some goals and desires for my life, a couple of my colleagues asked me to be a part of their poetry/fiction group when our friend who didn't get tenure left. I really enjoy this group a lot. I enjoy getting to know them better and reading their work. And it turns out that I am KILLER at titles. That's my talent that I bring the group. Anyway, I had decided that I would tell this particular group yesterday that I was pregnant. I thought that one had already figured it out (I need pseudonyms for these people). I was wrong. She was not the one who figured it out, but Poet Man did! It was actually hilarious. When I told them I was knocked up (because I think it's funny to put it that way as a married person), he nearly fell out of his chair and screamed "I knew it!" and then proceeded to tell me how he had had a discussion with a mutual friend about my recent weight gain (mutual friend already knew and kept his mouth shut to his credit). He said he noticed the other day when I was talking to him that my stomach had gotten huge and couldn't figure out how with all my weight lifting and working out that I had eaten that much over break. I guess writing this down it seems like it might be offensive--why are my male colleagues discussing my body and with their wives no less, but I know them really well, and we and all our spouses are friends, so I found it hilarious rather than weird. Plus, like I said yesterday, it's getting harder and harder to hide. Especially going from washboard to beer gut. I had a nice billowy top to wear to the party last night, and Proseco looking cider to assist with the ruse, but I fear this may be the last of large gatherings in which I'm able to hide my belly around my colleagues. Anyway, they're all going to know sooner or later. I thought I might do something not so subtle like wear the Pregzilla shirt I just order to my birthday party to which many of my colleague friends are invited and let them figure it out that way.
All right, so the point of the post was not about that, although I did find it hilarious really that my weight gain is the subject of conversation because I like being the center of attention. At least they weren't talking about my boobs. Or my butt.
Yesterday I did manage to get a fair amount of clothes put away. And I finally unpacked my suitcase from thanksgiving break. And I did a load of dishes. And I bought new running shoes because I needed something different because of my expanding belly. But the house is still not clean. And neither is one of the other rooms that needs to be clean so I can move the pull up rack out of the den to make room for the tree. I have a TON of reading to do today. And I still have to pay the bills. and go to the grocery. And decorate the house. And go for a run.
What's saving me is that my g'parents are out of town, so we're not compelled to travel today. They have taken my parents and my two aunts on a cruise as part of their Christmas present. So I do have the next two weekends to be able to read and get stuff done. Worse case scenario I have to read and prep for tomorrow's stuff tomorrow morning before class (I don't teach until 11, which is nice in this respect), but I hate doing that unless necessary. And at least I will not be watching football today either. So theoretically, as of right now, I do have time to get things done, but it seems like a lot. I should have moved with more urgency yesterday. Oh well.
So here's the To Do:
ETA: Well, I got a few things done. I guess I have to live with that. I'm ready for class tomorrow and Wednesday. And the tree is finally up, so that's good.
We went to a colleague's and her husband's bday party last night. I feel hungover. Don't worry; I'm not. Fortunately, someone brought some non-alcoholic cider (I checked the bottle twice) that looked just like Proseco in the glass, so I was able to keep up the ruse for another week. But, I felt good when I got home last night so I didn't take my evening morning sickness medicine and at 2 am, right on schedule, I woke up sick. Blerg. Now my tummy and my head hurt, and there's so much to do.
Although I'm not a creative writer, which I have a post brewing on that, along with some goals and desires for my life, a couple of my colleagues asked me to be a part of their poetry/fiction group when our friend who didn't get tenure left. I really enjoy this group a lot. I enjoy getting to know them better and reading their work. And it turns out that I am KILLER at titles. That's my talent that I bring the group. Anyway, I had decided that I would tell this particular group yesterday that I was pregnant. I thought that one had already figured it out (I need pseudonyms for these people). I was wrong. She was not the one who figured it out, but Poet Man did! It was actually hilarious. When I told them I was knocked up (because I think it's funny to put it that way as a married person), he nearly fell out of his chair and screamed "I knew it!" and then proceeded to tell me how he had had a discussion with a mutual friend about my recent weight gain (mutual friend already knew and kept his mouth shut to his credit). He said he noticed the other day when I was talking to him that my stomach had gotten huge and couldn't figure out how with all my weight lifting and working out that I had eaten that much over break. I guess writing this down it seems like it might be offensive--why are my male colleagues discussing my body and with their wives no less, but I know them really well, and we and all our spouses are friends, so I found it hilarious rather than weird. Plus, like I said yesterday, it's getting harder and harder to hide. Especially going from washboard to beer gut. I had a nice billowy top to wear to the party last night, and Proseco looking cider to assist with the ruse, but I fear this may be the last of large gatherings in which I'm able to hide my belly around my colleagues. Anyway, they're all going to know sooner or later. I thought I might do something not so subtle like wear the Pregzilla shirt I just order to my birthday party to which many of my colleague friends are invited and let them figure it out that way.
All right, so the point of the post was not about that, although I did find it hilarious really that my weight gain is the subject of conversation because I like being the center of attention. At least they weren't talking about my boobs. Or my butt.
Yesterday I did manage to get a fair amount of clothes put away. And I finally unpacked my suitcase from thanksgiving break. And I did a load of dishes. And I bought new running shoes because I needed something different because of my expanding belly. But the house is still not clean. And neither is one of the other rooms that needs to be clean so I can move the pull up rack out of the den to make room for the tree. I have a TON of reading to do today. And I still have to pay the bills. and go to the grocery. And decorate the house. And go for a run.
What's saving me is that my g'parents are out of town, so we're not compelled to travel today. They have taken my parents and my two aunts on a cruise as part of their Christmas present. So I do have the next two weekends to be able to read and get stuff done. Worse case scenario I have to read and prep for tomorrow's stuff tomorrow morning before class (I don't teach until 11, which is nice in this respect), but I hate doing that unless necessary. And at least I will not be watching football today either. So theoretically, as of right now, I do have time to get things done, but it seems like a lot. I should have moved with more urgency yesterday. Oh well.
So here's the To Do:
- Novel class reading--uh, yeah, that book, I have discovered is nowhere to be found, so I hope it's in my office.
- Clean bathroom
Pay BillsGet pull-up stand disassembled and put away (hubby's job to disassemble--mine to make room for it)- Clean in general
Grocery shop- Food prep
Read for survey class- Finish laundry
Get tree and Christmas decorations up- A small, quick little jog
ETA: Well, I got a few things done. I guess I have to live with that. I'm ready for class tomorrow and Wednesday. And the tree is finally up, so that's good.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
A Little Magpie
So you know in September and early October I had the flu, or something, and I was sick all month. That was legit. Like I really did have whatever was going around and around and around. It sucked. Lots of people were out. Lots of stus were out and then coming to class sick because they had used up all their absences.
These last few weeks though are a totally different story.
Maybe you've guessed if you're still reading the blog? I'm pregnant. Holy crap. I'm pregnant! Which really is the main reason for my radio silence because like I said about a week ago, I can't keep my mouth shut. But it's becoming fairly obvious in real life now, so I thought now might be as good a time as any to just come clean. Although if you know me IRL/FB, please don't say anything on my FB because I am DREADING telling my boss. She is an amazing piece of work. I plan on talking to HR first before I talk to her because the little Magpie (hence the blog title) is due over summer, and if we can get our finances together, I plan on taking next fall quarter for my maternity leave, which I know I have every right to my six weeks unpaid maternity leave. But I want the full quarter. Last year, an instructor had her baby over the summer and decided to take her maternity leave this fall, and I found out that my boss was pissed, that she didn't understand why if the baby was born in the summer she needed to take the fall off. So I'm already dealing with an uphill battle here. I think one of my colleagues who sees me regularly and often is suspicious. And I've noticed a couple of students who had me last quarter or saw me regularly last quarter staring. But I avoid my boss like the plague, and she's more likely to think that I jut got fat.
I mean, I think it's pretty obvious. I'm only 10 weeks just today, but my boobs are twice the size they were a month ago, and that flat, nice, half washboard ab stomach I had is big and large. My hips have gotten almost two inches bigger as well. And I've seriously already gained about 10 pounds. Sadly that weight ain't all baby. I've had some wicked morning sickness which is more like a four week constant hangover, so for the first four-five weeks, I was eating every three hours because the moment my stomach is empty I'd get sick. And I've not been a good Paleo girl either, which I'd probably have felt better if I were, but really, I was just like I'll eat whatever sounds appealing at any one time that doesn't make my stomach churn thinking about it. But my lovely doctor gave me some medicine for all of that, and I think things are getting back to normal. Or at least, I should be able to get back to something more sensible and healthy at least. I started off pretty healthy. But once the sickness and food aversions kicked it, well, all bets were off. I'm a giant wuss, and I've been wearing maternity clothes since week 6. I love them. They're like yoga pants you can wear nice shirts with! And sadly, I hate to admit that my burgeoning maternity wardrobe is actually cuter and trendier than my regular wardrobe. What I found surprising is that it's actually cheaper than my regular wardrobe! Even the "nice" stuff.
I can't promise that this won't turn into "Maude's Pregnancy Adventures" but I'm going to try not to let it become that because one of my biggest fears is adjusting to a new identity that doesn't encompass my entire life. I understand that I will probably change as a person, and I worry that mom stuff will eclipse the other things that define me.
I will say that I am lucky to be where I am though and that our insurance is good. I think on average, it costs, with our insurance, out of pocket, $50 to have a baby. What's even more lovely is that given the J's position in the military, our insurance is included as part of his salary and benefits, so we don't pay for that nor will we have to pay for a child either. We are very fortunate for that. I am also thankful that I have found a good doctor here who does not classify me as being of "advanced maternal age," nor is he an alarmist and intervention happy. He is not test happy either, as far as he'll do whatever tests I want, but he's not like, "well, at your age with all these risks, I require you to go through x, y, & z." That was my biggest fear, actually. So I felt much better after that first appointment with him. He's younger. Clearly up to date. And believes that as long as I'm healthy and nature is taking its course, there's no need for him to impose anything unless there's a significant problem.
I am also lucky that the CF box's owner's wife is pregnant, too, and a couple of months ahead of me, so he's very up to date and informed, and I work out with his wife, so I'm lucky that I have two people knowledgeable and supportive enough in that area of my life that I can safely continue to work out the way I want to. I've slowed down quite a bit already, and I have to take more breaks than I'd like to, but it's good so far. And again, I have two qualified people with me there.
Anyway, so that's it. I'll write more about the start of the quarter and all the crap I have to get done this weekend later.
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