Just stuffs...

I am happy to report that I'm feeling better! yay!

Of course, I still have yet to crack open a book for research. But tomorrow morning--I start then. Look, if I can get in say 3 hours of research this week, that would be spectacular. Okay, that's the goal. At least 3 hours.

My freshman are vampiric. Seriously. They are sucking the life out of me it feels like. I'm trying right now to focus on the ones who are attentive and doing the work. But I've got to figure out what changes I want/need to make for the summer class soon. I hope the summer class is not full of duds. That's going to be a looooooooong freaking six weeks then. Yikes. I think I might just keep it all pop culture oriented. That seems to get them talking. That might make the summer easier, too.

I don't want to spend anymore time talking about them because I can't make myself feel bad for how terrible about half the class is doing. I did at first, but then I realized that I've held up my end and then some. I've given feedback in the class and one-on-one with conferences. We've done peer review. They've had ample in class writing time with structured activities to help them write their essays. Detailed instructions/expectations about EXACTLY what I'm looking for to help them make the best grade possible. And yet, half the class has ignored all of this. Or failed to show up for conferences. Or just didn't turn in a second essay. Or changed only verb tenses and called that a revision. And not even all the verbs in the sentences. Just fixing the five "ing" phrases and two sentences of passive voice and calling it a revision and blowing off everything we talked about (in class and one-on-one) about content, organization, development. I feel like I've done everything but write the paper for them. And maybe that's the problem. In any case, I cannot bring myself to feel like I'm the one who failed them because the half that followed instructions, showed up for the conference, used the in class writing--improvement on their essays. Every single one. Clearly then it's them and not me, right?

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I feel like this blog has become a health/fitness/work out journal more than anything else right now. I hope it's not boring you. I think it's because I'm finally at a point in my life, after 8 long years, where I cannot devote a lot of time and energy to fixing these issues. I mean, I do very much long for the day when I'm in maintenance mode and do not have to work out for 90+ minutes six to seven days a week. That might be nice to maintain because I *want* to, not because I *have* to. Yes, I know I have that conference paper and it's not going to write or research itself and I have exactly one month to do this and I've been adopting a very "I'll start tomorrow" attitude (to which I hear Apollo Creed in the background yelling "There is no tomorrow! There is no tomorrow! What's the matter with you man?"). Right now, with the exception of that freshman class which annoys me and drains me, I feel pretty secure with my teaching. Either it's experience or location or a combination of both, but it doesn't stress me out like it did the last two years. I don't have the energy expenditure there. Money always drains me, but knowing that I have six weeks of summer teaching helps there, and I'm sure come June I'll be a basket case again about how we're going to make it through September. And while I actually need to get the things written that need to be written and researched rather quickly, that is within the next month, I have a plan for what I want to work on over the summer and I am in a decent position now, actually a fairly strong position with regards to my progress toward tenure. So I'm not stressed out about that right now either. And I have good mentors and friends here who answer my questions honestly and are helping me navigate things, and who want to help make sure that I get tenure. It's not like survivor island here. For them here it's not just that no tenure means they lose colleagues; it means they lose their friends for the most part, too. So right now, this is not something that is stressing me out. Maybe it should stress me out more, but right now it doesn't.

Right now, what I finally have time to focus on is my health and stuff. It's been an endless stop and start with the health and fitness. Since January, this is the first time that I've been this consistent with taking care of myself. Okay. last month was a bit of a dud.

And as I've been blogging about for years, I'm still battling all that weight that I started to gain 8 freaking years ago! 8 years! And for at least 4 I've been blogging incessantly about it it seems like.

Right now I'm really enjoying indulging in myself, in my health, in my well-being. The last time I really got to do that was when I got fired from Asshat Insurance company. I had time to take care of myself because I was about to get married and because I didn't have a soul sucking job killing me slowly. But now, I go to work every day but still get to focus on taking care of myself. Of course obviously this benefits the husband who gets lovely meals out of the deal and a happier, saner person to be around. And when he sees me more active, he gets more active. It's a win-win-win!

And it is cyclical. When I feel better, I'm more productive. I was crazy productive in February, and that was the best I had felt in 20 years. And I know I wasn't feeling great because I was getting my grading done--I was getting my grading done because I felt great.

There's definitely something in the air with blog mission shifting, eh?

I just think that right now, I feel okay where I'm at. I mean, aside from a couple of relatively minor professional issues, I think I'm doing okay.

I think, too, if you guys aren't going to get too bored with it, I may start blogging more about my specific health goals and my specific fitness goals. And my "diet." that is my food intake. Or not. I say that's what I'll do, but who the hell knows if I'll follow through with that chronicle, but maybe I'll talk more about food and post some of my new yummy dinners.

Maybe it won't be too boring.