Argh. I'm ready for Thanksgiving Break already.

So far this quarter is not going as I had planned. I either need to accept it and move on or keep fighting against the current. I feel like this blog this last month has been "oh I'm sick and stressed" to "oh! I'm finally feeling better!" to "oh, I'm sick and stressed again..."

As far as work goes, I've not been able to recover from the half a day sick day I took in the second week of classes or from the day I canceled my office hours. I have skipped going to my grandparents' on Sundays so that I can catch up and try to get ahead on work, but as soon as I get caught up, I'm behind again. I cannot seem to keep my head above water right now. It's not like I've never taught a novel class before with two survey classes, but for some reason, this time, I'm struggling here.

And, since the quarter has started and I've been stressed which has affected my eating and upset the nice hormone balance I had going, I've gained some weight, which is really distressing because I went through my closet before school started and got rid of everything that was too big and kept the stuff that fit. Well, that stuff, in the span of a month, is too tight, which then of course, stresses me out. This is my first set back of the year (since January), and I know that the largest part of it is stress, and when I'm stressed, my body holds on to weight and picks it back up easily. And of course, naturally, when one is stressed, sick, and tired, the time when ones food choices should be their best, they're at their worst. And that's what has happened here. I am bloated. I'm tired. And since I started another Whole30 and have cut out all sugar this time (including honey) AND caffeine, my body is just a holy hell of a mess. My teaching has not been as energetic as it has been, and I've not even been able to even think about my own work let alone do anything with/for it. And that is stressing me out, too.

Since the only thing in my closet that fits right now are my one pair of jeans, I feel frumpy, which contributes to my stress and everything else. Perhaps I just need to accept that it will realistically take about a year of CF to get my body where I want it to be, even though it seems like everyone else is slimming down much faster than I am (of course these people are either men or girls/women 10-15 years younger than I am, too), and it's so frustrating right now. I just feel old and frumpy, stuck in a rut that is my appearance (I think we're going shopping this weekend--there should be some good sales).

Anyway, I'm just a holy hot mess. I long for my summer schedule when I could just workout, nap, cook, and read. Now my system and body is just all out of whack.

Seriously. Maybe it's just a sophomore slump. In any case, something needs to change soon or this quarter is just going to get even more unbearable.

And I'm sorry for whining and being melodramatic. I'm just so freaking frustrated. Everything was going so well. I was doing good things. I was getting my scholarship done. I was getting healthy, and now. Blah. It's all come to a standstill and gone a bit in reverse.  And I hate it. And I feel like the harder I try, the more I'm setting myself back. I don't know how to fix it, and that's frustrating me and pissing me off and stressing me out even more.