On the Upswing, Perhaps?

I'm finally starting to feel a little bit better. Of course, I say that now, and it will continue provided that I'm able to get the novel I'm teaching this week finished today. And the food for the week prepped. Fortunately, the football game I want to watch doesn't start until 6, so I've got all day (yes, I did just write that).

After three days of zero caffeine, I gave up. I switched to half caff coffee, which is what I should have done in the first place. I should have started with half caff, then 1/4 caff, then decaf. It was too much for me. Sadly, I feel a lot better now with the half caff. The headaches and stomach aches were too much, on top of already not having felt well for a while, I just, I don't know. It seemed like too much for my body. So perhaps a total caffeine ween is something I should attempt over Thanksgiving Break when I can sleep off the headaches and such. I was doing it for the Whole30 (not required) and for health and other reasons, but the stress of the headaches and stomach aches and not being able to keep up with my work was doing me more harm I felt like than not drinking the caffeine. A body can only do so much.

Also what helped me this week was that I moved up the film that we were supposed to watch in the novel class to this last Thursday. On Tuesday I suspected that the students were having trouble with the reading load (shit, I was), so I decided that we needed a break sooner rather than later. And I think it will be good for all of us, actually. I really should be able to finish the novel today, which means that my office hours can then be devoted to grading midterms rather than prep, and which also means that I won't have to do any of that business at home. And I should be able to get it all finished by Thursday or Friday. Right now, I feel hopeful and positive.

What I need to do is get my stress under control. That has been the biggest thing right now. I didn't feel this stressed last year. At my first job, my second year was better because A) The J was home; B) I had had such a horrendously god awful first year that it seemed like no matter what happened in that second year, it would be able to top the shite that was year one; and C) after the kerfluffle with my now former friend, even though I was unhappy for many reasons at my job, it was significantly less stressful (I had/have great friends, was more comfortable in the job, etc.). This year, it's different. Last year was so stress free, relatively speaking, that I felt great for most of it. Last fall I felt like I was back in grad school's early days. But this year. I don't know. Maybe it's having gotten sick right at the start. And maybe it's the novel class--a new prep with mostly new stuff. I just hate feeling like I'm barely keeping up.

Honestly though, even if it means that my teaching/grading suffers a little bit, at least I have maintained regular workouts through all of this (if I'm really really really sick, I won't go. I do rest when I need it). At my old job, it was easier for me to put grading before my health and fitness goals. Here, I think it's the only thing right now keeping me as afloat as I am, keeping me from a full on stress attack, keeping me from having to go back on meds (I seriously never ever want to have to be on meds ever again).

While I was an utter and complete stress case the other day, since we're not going to the g'parents' today and since I'm already halfway through the novel I'm teaching for the week, and it's a quick read for me, I'm feeling a bit more confident that by about 3, the novel will be done. Then I can go to the grocery, food prep, make dinner, and watch the game. The midterms for tomorrow are already made up, so that's good, and the stuff I'm teaching in the survey class is stuff that I've already taught about six times now, so I feel good about that. There's only one new story on the survey class schedule for the rest of the quarter, and even though some of this stuff is outside my field, I actually feel like the stuff for the last half of the quarter is the stuff I do best. Maybe I'm not an early Americanist anymore. I find that I start the survey later and later now. I don't know. My thought is that if I teach to my strengths the students are going to learn more than if I try to teach them the things I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they do need to read stuff outside my comfort zone, but if I can cover the class with the stuff I'm comfortable with, then isn't that better? Oh well. All I know is that at least in the survey classes, even though I have a shit ton of grading to do for them this week, the teaching part should be relatively low stress. And if I can stay ahead in the novel class, I may be able to eek out some of my own work by the end of the month. We'll see.

Oh what a difference rest and a lower stress level makes.