Sometimes research really excites me.

Sometimes it just shuts me down. The task seems insurmountable and I wonder, why bother? There's too much to read and not enough time. I see the amount of reading that goes into even a short article and I think, how am I going to come close to this kind of thoroughness?

I am also a bad researcher. I will waste time on reading through stuff that isn't helpful just in case something 300 pages later might turn out to be helpful, but usually never is. This shouldn't surprise me considering I can't get rid of clothes "just in case" they come back into style or fit me magically wonderfully one day when I finally lose the 20 pounds I need to. I guess I "hoard" research in the most unproductive way "just in case." I've not developed the fine art of skimming; I don't know when to quit because what if someone challenges me on page 345 of the book I stopped reading at page 344? That will be the thing to make or break the article and I'll be doomed. At least this is how is plays out in my head. It's also an easy excuse to avoid the writing of the thing--I can't! I'm not done reading yet!

Today, I've only read two articles, which I feel is completely pathetic given that tomorrow will involve cleaning and the weekend is Magpie's SECOND birthday and family will be in, so there will be no time to myself AT ALL, and there will be no chance to work. Of course, it's my fault for not being more organized and planning better or being more diligent. But when the WHOLE family is here, I need space to myself and time to myself (and EVERYONE will want to be here early so they can maximize time with Magpie, which is fine), but I'm just filled with anxiety about this. Family gatherings do stress me out.

However, I will go get the dinner prepped and ready to go, and then when the parents go pick up the kid, I'll spend some time trying to make some sense out of what I read today and write a little bit in order to feel like I'm doing something toward this article and tenure. I have much much more to say, but I need to get the dinner going so I can do some writing later. And I need to move around and get out of the bedroom, too.