Exactly what I didn't want to happen this summer happened this summer.

I flaked out.

I totally did.

I got stressed. I got depressed. Then I got stressed out about being depressed. Then I gained some weight and feel awful both physically and mentally. I took a vacation to recharge. It helped briefly, then I got super depressed again (like just crying depressed, and crying over everything depressed), and then I don't like the way my hairdresser cut my hair so I feel even more awful about myself. I put off everything that needed to be done by tomorrow for this week, and on our way home, Magpie got super sick and is out of school this week from whatever virus she has. She's feeling better today, but it inhibits my ability to really do things. So I feel like this is the universe punishing me for putting off every thing that needed to get done this summer.

I'm not very good at taking care of myself in terms of what I need to get done. I appear to have a good work ethic, but I don't. And I can't work when I'm depressed.

At some point I've got to stop trying and actually do. Classes start tomorrow and I'm more unprepared than when I came back two years ago from having a baby. I don't know what my problem is. Anyway, I guess the stuff I need to get done will get done by tomorrow. What also needs to get done today while the kid is sleeping is the food prepped for the remainder of the week since I'm at school all.damn.day tomorrow.

Enough complaining. I just needed a little bit of a pity party to clear out my brain and to get going.

I think my real problem is that I want to be lazy. I've been lazy, and I'm pissed that I can neither continue to be lazy nor actually achieve anything whilst being lazy.