Well, so okay, this week has not gone according to plan at all! A couple of disappointments this week, some major exhaustion, a slightly pulled muscle (which, thanks to the oxymoron "rigorous stretching" is significantly better now), a total breakdown on Thursday afternoon resulting in lots of tears and wine (I have been exceptionally good about only drinking on Saturdays so I feel good and can get up early during the week). And well, you know, there it is. It's Saturday, and I'm trying to regroup. I need to get back into academic mode, and I'm resisting it whole-heartedly right now because I'm a) not ready for summer to be over; and, b) need more summer because I feel like I've failed in every aspect of my life this summer. I did not meet a single goal on any front at all this summer--not in terms of my health and fitness, not in terms of my scholarship, not in terms of my fall prep, not in terms of my finances, not in terms of anything on the home front either. And classes begin in 13 days. The house is a mess. I have too much stuff that I don't know what to do with. Some of it should be given away, but it's stuff I can't let go of, which is problem number 1--I should start with clothes--I really need to get rid of some clothes in a major way. And shoes. I need to donate some shoes, which is *really* hard for me because you know what if I get rid of something that comes back in style in 8 years? Then where will I be?
I have a stack of shredding that is seriously like up to my armpits.
I feel bombarded. This was supposed to be the summer of great things, the first summer where I actually accomplished something! Anything! On any front! This was the summer I was supposed to accomplish A LOT so that I could basically focus on teaching during the year and the next big project. I wanted to get shit done this summer so that this year would be a little bit less stressful. But, ah, once again. Not the case my friends.
Without sounding too melodramatic (because I am NEVER one for melodrama or histrionics, right?), I feel like I must now pick up the millions of pieces of my shattered summer dreams and figure out how to assemble them all in a sane way during the year.
First and foremost what needs to happen though is that my living space gets in order. That really needs to be part of today's project. Clothes need to be put away. Clothes and shoes need to be donated. My reading/work space needs to be set up. And the office needs to be cleaned out and what not. Maybe I can put the J to the task of shredding all this crap, and he's got bills and paperwork that's his that he needs to go through. Of course, he can't get to any of it because I've got the office in a holy hell state of a total mess.
Sigh. Now I'm overwhelmed just thinking about this. It's driving me batty.
what I need to do is what I did last winter and spring. I started making calendars. And while I didn't follow them to the letter, seeing that I had specific time blocked out for specific tasks helped keep me from feeling overwhelmed. Even if there were a lot of things on the calendar, just being able to see, with time blocked out, that there was enough time to do what needed to be done and still be able to you know, cook, watch t.v. with the husband, work out, etc., I think really kept me from going bananas. Plus, the satisfaction of crossing things off, right? The instant gratification of of x-ing off something on the list totally helps the stress level.
All right, well there it is. I'm going to start working on the calendar for the next two weeks here and see if I can't make myself feel better about getting some stuff done.