Argh. I'm a bit disgruntled and annoyed. I think it's more hormonal than anything else, but I am finding myself perturbed at EVERYTHING. People on FB are annoying me with their racist bullshit. Actually, FB is just annoying me period.
The quarter started yesterday. I'm already annoyed and overwhelmed. My TR class are on the other side of campus. Not a big deal, but sorta. It's a giant PITA that I didn't want to have to deal with this quarter. Uh, I don't understand why there are the same amount of courses offered each quarter and suddenly there's no room in my building for me to teach in. Blerg. Whatevs.
Aside from hormones, I am also not dealing well at all with turning 39. I don't want to be 39. I don't want to be almost 40. I am totally having a midlife crisis. I feel as if I've accomplished nothing. I'm still struggling with trying to be healthy and fit and do all the work I need to do. I get up at the crack of dawn to work and it's still not enough. Magpie is getting so bi. I hate that I can't quit my job, spend time with her, do freelance stuff or something and support my family. My life feels cluttered and impossible right now.
I know, woe is me. I've been complaining for months now. I think it stresses me out having more than 2 adults in the house. When it's me and J, I'm fine. Me and my mom, I'm fine. Me and dad, I'm fine. Any other combination that equals three adults and one baby, and well, I'm just stressed. I actually sort of hate my schedule, but I cannot envision any other schedule for myself that would not involve the kid being in daycare from 7:30 am until 4 pm every day of the week. 8:30 until 4 is too much I think. I hate it.
My head hurts. My body hurts. I thought I'd get some stuff done over break, but surprise, the baby was sick and not in day care for the whole break. We did get tubes on Tuesday, so hopefully this will be a new start for her. I have so much to do.
Seriously, the last two months have been me dreading Saturday (my birthday) and like crying daily about it. And consuming chocolate. Like crazy. And that's not me. I am totally and utterly depressed. Lethargic. Blah. I know all of the things I need to do to better, but I cannot bring myself to do any of them. Even my Christmas spirit has been dampened, and I'm like Clark Griswold when it comes to freaking Christmas. I start celebrating Nov. 1. And now I'm just like "whatever."
I know. This is pathetic. Ugh. I'm sorry I'm such a downer! This blows. I need to figure out how to get to where I want to be so I don't have another breakdown next year when I turn 40! Egads.
I'm sorry for being a debbie downer.