I think I need some valium. I have some. I don't like taking it, but I ran out of my meds on Sunday and just got them refilled this morning, and it's becoming increasingly clear to me that I cannot go without them. I cannot describe how I am feeling right now.
I am ready for the quarter to be done. I am so ready. I think I checked out about two weeks ago. A lot of us feel like this has been hands down one of our worst spring quarters in a long time. I wish the husband were home. I always feel like I'll get more done when he's gone, but it turns out that's not the case. It's like the good part of me goes on vacation and I just sit at home and watch unsolved mysteries until I fall asleep. I am having a ridiculously hard time coping with the enormous stress of this sci fi chapter that I cannot do.It is such a major mental block and I'm scared as hell. Even more daunted by it than I was my dissertation.
I want it to be done.
Perhaps though all will be better once the meds kick back in and I am a sane person again. I do not like how I feel right now. If I could go to bed, I totally would. As a matter of fact, I may just leave and go home. There's no point in my being here.
I'm going to do that. I will feel so much better.