So I have been alerted to the fact that my tenure bid is basically in jeopardy now because I missed three of four classes last week.
Even though I am not out much (honestly, not any more than any body else here--seriously, people miss entire weeks in the quarter, and sometimes more than one week), seriously I missed last Tuesday, but continued one of the classes on-line which is what we are supposed to do, so technically the students didn't miss the lecture or discussion, had modified office hours on Wednesday and brought the kid with me so I could come to work, met with one class on Thursday, had modified office hours last week week--but STILL MADE MY OFFICE HOURS mind you, and today I have to take the kid to the doctor again because now she's not walking (WTF??!!) and will miss only the last 45 minutes of my office hours, and WILL NOT miss class, and this has been deemed unacceptable.
I have been told that I need to hire a nanny in addition to paying for daycare.
Yeah, that's feasible.
Am I behind in my work? No.
Are my students missing information and being short changed? No.
Am I a week behind in my classes? No.
Am I even a day behind in my classes? No.
Have I missed any meetings? No.
Have I still showed up at functions? Yes.
So please, someone for the love of god, tell me how I'm not doing my job here?
And I'd like to point out, too, like I don't already feel like a giant fucking failure of a wife/mother/human/friend/professor as it is. How much of a loser can I fucking be if I can't even keep my kid well? My reputation is already tainted because of the grad class last quarter. I feel like I'm in a whole out of which it is going to be impossible to dig. This is not how my last year before tenure was supposed to look. But it does look like this. I guess I just move forward from here.
Is there a higher-up you can talk to? Dean/union rep/diversity or Title IX officer? This sounds like a potential gender-based discrimination issue.... Your maternity is perceived as interfering with your job. Not Okay.
ReplyDeleteIt's my impression that the dean is one of those who are "watching me" with "unbenevolent eyes," a dean, who I might add, never hesitates to stare at my boobs and give me the once over whenever I see him. I have someone outside of my department who I can talk to without raising any red flags who has no part in my tenure process at all or any dealings with anyone who may. I think it best for myself, from here on out to just not mention my family at all to my boss, the office secretary, or anyone else. And that if I do need to take the kid to the doctor, then I lie and say I'm going to the doctor. That's what my PTO is for, right, if I can't get appointments when I'm not teaching. Were my tenure not in jeopardy, as it appears, I'm so seriously wanting to just tell everyone to f*ck off. The husband also told me, too, that telling me that I'm being watched (among the other things I've been told since the beginning of the quarter) is deliberately creating a hostile work environment, and I think he's right. I mean, I know I sound paranoid, but I mean, how can I not? It's just another level of stress I'd prefer not to have to deal with right now.
ReplyDeleteIt also turns out that the issue with the kid was actually potentially very serious. In the absence of any reason for why she is suddenly not walking right, the doctor (who is not prone to drama or unnecessary tests and is actually quite conservative) like immediately went to suspecting either Leukemia or Bone Cancer. Fortunately, all worst case scenarios have been taken off the table. Yesterday was so damn stressful I actually drank during a weeknight and got a bit buzzed. Ok, I got drunk. I'll admit it.
ReplyDeleteDrinking seems entirely merited under the circumstances. I'm sorry that you have so much to deal with right now, and I really hope that the Magpie gets better soon!
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