Friday, December 13, 2013

I feel like my poor little blog has just become one big ball of me complaining and boo-hooing about how bad I perceive my life is.

In the grand scheme of things, I've got it pretty good. I really shouldn't complain at all.

However, on the micro level, I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, demoralized, and just totally depressed, which really bothers me because this is my favorite time of year.

I hate the quarter system. There. I said it. Initially I liked it, but I've changed my mind.

Yesterday I had a meeting from hell which last five freaking hours (it involved almost a dozen students in a serious honor code violation, and they've got some criminal charges they have to deal with, too), and I was gone from the Magpie for nine full hours, the longest I've ever been away from her, and around six, when I had been in the meeting for four hours already, I started to tear up and cry a little bit because it was the first night that I'd not been there for bedtime, and I was devastated. Apparently she had a really terrible day yesterday, and my parents think it was because she missed me, which is awfully sweet and wonderful, but totally heartbreaking. I've another meeting today and two Christmas parties to go to tonight, and I'm just done. Totally worn out. And not even totally over my cold yet either. Plus, Magpie has a double ear infection, and has yet to sleep through the night since returning from traveling. So we're going on our fourth week here of my not getting any sleep. It's distressing and demoralizing.

Not to mention that I've just been ho-hum since my birthday, thinking about my life, where I thought I'd be, what I thought that life would look like, and it's close, I suppose, but there are other things that I want to accomplish, and I just don't know how to do that, and maybe the issue is that all of this is just a temporary set back because I have a very high maintenance baby and I'm totally sleep deprived and that I just don't feel like I have any time for myself. I haven't worked out in almost a month, and my body hates me for it.

I should be working right now, but I need to carve a moment out for myself to clear my head. The last couple of mornings, when I should have been reading I've been journaling because I just need something for myself. Lately, every spare moment has been either attending to the baby or working. So it's wake, attend to baby, read/work, teach, work during office hours, home, attend to baby, work, attend to baby, dinner, work, sleep. I am just stressed to the hilt. And since I spent the first office hour Christmas shopping, and this hour blogging, I am looking at a rather long weekend, but I was looking at a long weekend anyway. I wish we were at the end of the semester rather than the beginning of the quarter. Sigh. I mean, not even coffee is cutting it this morning. My hands hurt. My back hurts. My neck hurts. And as much as I want to relax over Christmas Break, I just won't be able to. I have work that needs to be done, so I'm going to have to work every morning, and then hopefully spend the afternoons with the fam. It sucks. It makes me cry thinking about it.

And well, I guess that's it.


  1. Oh Maude, you come and complain here as much as you need to! Our 'semester' system involves ending teaching and taking in coursework just before Christmas (20th! yuck) and then having exams and other coursework in January before we start the second semester in Feb. Christmas just isn't a break when you have grading, and an endless stream of emails from students doing coursework - neither for me nor for them. MUCH sympathy.

    And no WONDER you're depressed, woman, if you're not SLEEPING!! Not getting enough sleep is torture...

  2. Pat, pat, pat .... Poor Maude! The quarter system does indeed suck if you are not teaching science or something that can be done with a scantron. I hope you can get some more sleep and that everybody over there gets well soon!!!!