I hate sending that little girl to daycare! I know it's good for her, but my heart aches when she's away. She did just fine on Friday, but yesterday and today she cried when I left her. So so did I. Ugh. Heart wrenching! I hate it. She's in good hands, but I hate it. I know it's also good for me though because it means I should be able to get work done. Which I'm going to as soon as I'm done typing here.
The J is in Germany, so I've had no one to really decompress with about the daycare stuff except my mom, but the J is what I really need right now.
I sorta feel like the daycare woman is judging me a little bit for the way that I'm raising my child. This may or may not be true, but she was somewhat aghast (perhaps) that Magpie doesn't feed herself yet and that her food is still blended (I've been making it thicker). I understand from a practical standpoint that the woman can't feed seven babies all at once, and it's not like we haven't been working on it. Magpie just isn't a baby who is interested in putting things in her mouth, which in some ways is a blessing really. I know she needs to be eating more table food, and we've been working on it, it's just Magpie does things on her own time. The woman seemed a little curious as to why Magpie wasn't walking yet either--she's almost there. We're so close. And you know, maybe I'm reading too much into this, but yesterday I just wanted to cry because she made me feel like a bad parent. And of course I already struggle with that anyway. I just kept telling myself, "the pediatrician is proud of me; the pediatrician is so pleased with what we've done with Magpie. Don't worry."
We'll see.
You know, I just love this kid so much that my heart breaks. I just want to hold her all day long and watch her and play with her. Sometimes I wish I had the kind of job I could leave for five years and then find a similar one when she goes off to Kindergarten. I'm sure it will get better once I see how productive I can be; and if I can get lots done when she's gone, then spending time with her will be less stressful because I won't have the "oh shit I have so much to do" in the back of my head. I know daycare is good for the both of us.
On the agenda for today--book/article work. That means just reading for a couple of hours and then about 15 minutes of writing. And there you have it. We'll see what I can do.
If it makes you feel better:
ReplyDelete-Bonaventure didn't crawl until 3 days before his first birthday.
-He didn't walk until 15 months.
-He ate mostly blended food until about 15 months.
-He has never taken a bottle.
-He only just recently started drinking reliably from a cup, for Pete's sake. And then only if it's a cup that he doesn't have to suck on.
-He STILL (at 25.5 months) only naps if he nurses to sleep.
-He STILL (at 25.5 months) nurses at bedtime and at around 5 am.
-He didn't sleep through the night--EVER--until he was 21 months old.
And he's perfectly normal, even (I think) pretty bright. He eats like a champ now, most days, and is learning his letters, and runs all around, and talks all the time. I'm pretty sure your daycare later would think we were ridiculous, but that's who he is (and who we are).
I think that, because our profession and schedules allow us to spend a lot of time with our children in the first year or so--such a gift!--they're maybe slower to be pushed into independence--but who cares? They're tiny little people. As one of my colleagues says, they have the rest of their lives to eat food/walk/whatever else. What's the rush?
In other words: IGNORE THE JUDGMENT! You have my full support.
I can't believe he's 25.5 months already! It seems like such a long time!
ReplyDeleteThank you for that. Yesterday the teacher had me in tears again because she suggested some occupational therapy for Magpie and seemed shocked that the pediatrician never mentioned it. I would never deny my child any sort of care or support that she needs, but the pediatrician (and the P.A., and the nurses for that matter) have no problem with Magpie's development at all. I'm kind of glad that she doesn't pick up things off the floor that she finds to put them in her mouth. She puts her toys and boxes and the diaper cream tube in her mouth. I know this woman is coming from a good place and I know part of it is practical concerns for her, but I never felt so low a second day in a row as I did yesterday.
And after only one successful day at daycare, the last three days have been just heartbreaking. I can't stand it. I cry as much as she does!!
And again, thank you. it really helps to have a like minded mom as a sounding board.
Bonaventure wasn't orally fixated, either--be grateful! It's so much easier than pulling trash out of their mouths.
ReplyDeleteIgnore the teacher's concerns about her development--she's 14 months, right? If that? She's got plenty of time.
I'm sorry about how hard it is--I know--I feel guilty sometimes about sending B to the sitter in the mornings, but he goes absolutely nuts if he's home for a few days in a row. The change of scenery is not a bad thing!