Sunday, October 14, 2012

Relapse rant that somehow turned into a post about clothes.


I have no idea what is going on here. Perhaps it's stress. Perhaps it's depression. Perhaps it's a combination of the two. But man, the last three days (including this morning), I have woken up with some tummy distress. It's so not cool.

What's pissing me off even more is that it's fucking with my workouts. Don't fuck with my workouts, man. This is annoying.

I have no energy. And I'm not sleeping. You'd think being exhausted that I'd get some sleep.


Which is in part why I'm up at the butt-ass crack of dawn here. The J had to get up for drill. BAM! I've been wide awake since 4:30 in the a.m. on a Sunday morning. How totally rad is that? >:-/

Anyway, it's annoying that just when I think I've found my groove (hahaha I originally, accidentally wrote "grove," like I found a whole bunch of orange trees or something--this made me giggle) this quarter, something seems to go awry. It just fucking blows. I feel like I'm doing everything right this quarter, but damn, I can't seem to catch a break here.

I ordered more clothes yesterday. My wardrobe should be complete with this order, with the exception of the shoes I've been debating over for almost a year now. I think I may stop at the mall on the way home from the g'parents' to see if the store there has them. If not, Zappos, here I come. The reason I've been debating over these shoes is because they're not as dressy as I wish they were; however, now that I have ordered some khakis for work, I can get away with a little less dressy shoe with them. Plus, my black clogs that I normally wear--I've had them since 2003-- I've polished them several times. I've worn them so much that the sole is starting to wear (um, that's A LOT of wear for a Dansko). And, the seam on the side is coming apart. Yes, this is the second pair of Dansko I've owned that I've worn through the seams, so I get my money's worth out of them. I think finally today is the day. You can't tell the seam on the black ones is worn, so I'm hesitant to replace them yet. I want them to fall apart totally before I get another pair of black clogs. And it's true that if I got the ones I want in black they'd be a little dressier, but I want the red. You know, red is the new neutral, and I like the way they look. And I think they'll look nice with my winter coat. So I guess perhaps that is settled then.

I think I'm getting close to middle age here because of where I've been shopping these past couple of weeks. Part of it is my "menswear" obsession/look that I'm trying to accomplish, and really, what I want is a pair of oxfords, but I've not found any I like yet. That being said, I did get some ultra stylish, ultra feminine new glasses (if they'd only hurry up and fill the order and send them to me!) so that I can feminize my look here a bit. Oh, yeah, so where have I been buying my clothes? At the whitest middle aged white lady store known to man, perhaps only second to L.L. Bean--Land's End. Yes. I feel this marks me as actually being my age. But, have you ever gotten their oxford shirts?? They are THE BEST! I may, next time, have to go whole hog and get some shirts monogrammed! Ha! And, they are the only place I can find that sells women's sweater vests! I've been obsessed with and looking for sweater vests for years, years I tell you! By the end of the week, I will be the proud owner of six of them.

So, six sweater vests and some oxford shirts to go with the neck ties I already own. I'm just about set.

I got some cardigans, too.

Seriously, I'm a nerd.

My mother who will be 60 in six months is trendier than I. Perhaps I'm just keeping it old school. My fashion is retro; therefore, it is fashionable.  Right?

And I'm buying a lot of navy, too, which is weird because I've never really like navy that much because it's always struck me as an inferior, less dressy version of black, but damn, I've bought a lot of navy, light blue, and green this time around. My god, I'm going to look so preppy. Hello? 1980s called. They want their preppies back. Yachting anyone?

Oh, I flatter myself.

Oxford shirts, cardigans, sweater vests. Oh my.

I really have become a Plain Jane.

Honestly though, I'm really not sure that there's anything that wrong with that. It's comfortable, crisp, it looks nice, and it's effortless. It also opens up possibilities for some of my accessories which have been long dormant. And, it gets me out of that rut that I have been in for oh so long. I may try to see if the less dressy of the sweater vests can be taken in so they look a little more tailored. But now at least I have nice teaching clothes and nice business casual teaching clothes, all of which are comfortable and nice.

I think the reason why I don't feel the need to wear suits or really dressy teaching clothes anymore is because I feel more comfortable with my professor self, especially here. The students know I'm in charge; they know I know my stuff. I like to look really dressy on the first couple of days just to let them know that while my personality may be one that might suggest I don't take this stuff seriously, I actually do take it very seriously. Dressy clothes help that. (I believe Dr. Crazy posted something a while back on dress and authority in the classroom and teaching in jeans. I'm too lazy to look for it this morning. Sorry folks). However, I think I've gotten my first day lecture composed in such a way as to indicate that I don't give a shit about your excuses, cheaters and plagiarists win no favor with me, and neither do texters, so I don't treat those behaviors kindly, and that if you do these things, you're on your own. Sarcastic and mean as it may sound, I think it gets the job done. Plus, I think after a year, word has gotten around enough that yes, my class is fun and enjoyable and you learn a lot, but that that only comes if you put forth the effort yourself to be an active participant in the class, that passing is pretty easy, but you have to work your ass off for that A or B. So I'd rather be comfortable than MLA dressed to the nines all the time, because I teach better when I'm comfortable.

Or maybe I am just actually getting old. Or lazy. Or both. I did just start finally attempting to style my hair on teaching days. I think it's helped me feel better about myself.

Now, if my hair would just grow out enough so that I could wear it in a chignon off to the side or a french twist, well, maybe by March when I get to purchase short sleeved oxfords. :)

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