I am grumpies. I am large and uncomfortable. I thought I was uncomfortable last week, but I am more uncomfortable this week. I have many of the things that I want to read, but it's uncomfortable to sit and read. I like laying down right now. And I can't read while laying in bed. Last night I just could not get comfortable at all. I'm trying not to focus on my discomfort, but it's hard not to do.
I haven't gone grocery shopping in a long time. So my eating is pathetic right now, which feeds into my discomfort, and maybe the kid is mad at me. Part of the problem is that I'm starving and full all at the same time and nothing, I mean, NOTHING tastes good to me at all. And I still have 24 more days (at least) to go. And the cybercamp is going well, except that it's getting harder and harder to be comfortable sitting for two hours in auditorium chairs.
It's also hot. I like the heat, except I do not right now at all. There are things I want to get done, and while I was optimistic about a week ago regarding my energy levels, this week I am not.
Also, I find that I am becoming misanthropic here lately. If one more person tells me to "just hang in there" I will start hitting people. To put it in perspective, it's akin to telling someone on the job market that "surely something will turn up. just hang in there." No. That's not what I want to hear at this moment and it doesn't help.
And I splurged on a shellac manicure because it's supposed to last for two weeks without chipping, peeling, fading, whatever. That was Friday. By Monday two had chipped. Another chipped last night, and I was able to peel a fourth. It's not even been a week. I'm pissed.
Some Positives to balance out this Negativity:
The thing on the Divine Miss T's neck has gone away. There's like a dime sized little knot there now. Last Wednesday when I got home it was about three inches long and about an inch wide. Yay! I continue to be glad that our "no vet stress unless she's in distress" rule prevailed here and that I didn't totally overreact.
My haircut went well last week. Thankfully.
All baby clothes, bedding, blankets, nursing pads, etc. are washed.
Last night I had a dream that George Takei sent ninjas to my house to destroy to ensure that I went camping with him. It was crazy.
The Red Rocket has been extra cuddly lately because I think he knows he's about to become a middle child and won't be the baby anymore.
Today I will make myself get on the waiting list for daycare, buy the football season tickets (the J and my dad are so wanting season tickets, so I guess we're all going--it'll be fun), go to the grocery, and go through the cookbooks to find good freezable meals so that this weekend I can start stockpiling the freezer like I said I was going to start doing 2 weeks ago. I will do these things.
But first, I will walk the dogs.
Showing posts with label extreme crankiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label extreme crankiness. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
pfffft.
Well, I'll start with all the things that are bothering me/have gone wrong in the last week, which most of it is probably me overreacting, but hormones are raging, I'm on this crazy sugar binge, and highly uncomfortable. But I've got to get it off my chest:
- My hair appointment last week was a mess and disappointing and I won't go back to her, although she's sweet and tried really hard, but I won't even go back to have her fix my hair for free. First of all, I arrived five minutes before my appointment. I sat there for 10 minutes before my presence was acknowledged. Then I was told she was running behind on a pedicure, and she was 30 minutes late. Generally not a big deal, but a HUGE deal to a very pregnant lady. Then she did my hair. Low-lights to blend the blonde. No. After sitting in the chair for an hour, there was no change in my hair color. So she did it again after she cut and styled it. Then she asked me about my haircut. I brought a picture. Not even close. "Do you like the cut blunt or something with an edge to it?" Me: "Edge. Do not cut it blunt. My hair doesn't work with a blunt cut." What did I get? A blunt bob with blunt layers. I was going to suck it up, but after a week, the color looks like dishwater, and for chin-length hair, it takes too long to do. I'm trying someone new today because the person who can cut hair (but isn't good at highlights) left the other salon. Sigh. We'll see.
- FedEx has claimed that they delivered my package; however, I have no package. Furthermore, the J was home at the time they claimed it was delivered, and he says he saw no truck, the dogs did not bark, and again, I have no package. FedEx is launching an "investigation." Nice.
- The Divine Miss T came home from the vet with a swollen neck. I thought perhaps just a reaction to getting vaccinated. It's never happened before, but she's old. But the swelling was huge by last night. Of course, I'm crying about a tumor, how I don't want her to die, how I want her to meet the baby, how she can't be sick. In other words, I was a total fucking mess last night. What it appears to be is just some sort of benign giant fluid filled cyst. She has a couple of these, not of this size, but I spent some time last night massaging her neck, and this reduced the swelling by 2/3. She has a slight swell this morning and a bit of a knot, but we decided that if massaging it makes it go down and it continues to decrease, then we'll hold off on the vet. Whatever it is is not affecting her. Her eating, drinking, and energy level is all the same as normal. She's not in distress. And massaging it apparently feels good. Even though she's old, I hesitate rushing her off to the vet because I feel like vet prodding is more traumatic if unnecessary than if we are rational about what's going on. I'm trying not to overreact. Our basic rule with the elderly one is that if she's not in distress then we don't want to stress her out with vet visits and tests and stuff.
- I feel like shit. I just feel gross. My body just feels disgusting, and I feel like it hates me. I also feel like this somehow means that the kid is working on making its entrance. It could also be that since I've been traveling and eating not that well (well, not terrible except the last three days, but it's because I don't feel good so I'm eating comfort stuff), so what the hell do I know about this? I've never been through this. So we'll see if cleaning up the diet has any effect or if I still feel crappy. If I still feel crappy, I'll take it as a sign that I need to get things finalized here for the kid. However, my gut feeling is that Magpie will be here by week 38. It also feels like its getting ornery in there.
Okay, I guess I feel a bit better now after getting that off my chest. Now for the good things:
So much love for the Magpie this weekend! Though the vast majority of my family may in general be bat-shit crazy tea baggers (that's a whole other post), they are very very generous. We got a lot of good stuff this weekend. As a matter of fact, we've gotten so much stuff from our showers that we've only had to spend about $1200 out of pocket for kid related stuff (including diapers and stuff, but not including maternity clothes or my obnoxious chair). Which, I think for a first kid and for people who don't know what they're doing and who love to spend money without thinking, I feel like we've come off pretty good with only spending $1200 of our own money. And my parents said that they're going to reimburse us for the breast pump, so if they do (I'm not going to hound them for that), then that number goes down. I'd like to have some more bottles, but other than that, we don't need anything else. And while I told her she didn't need to, a friend is getting us the Moby wrap, which is too kind, but that's the last thing that we want that's not necessary but will be very very nice to have.
The cybercamp started this week. It's not time consuming, and it's not like it pays a whole lot, but enough to be worth the effort to do it, and I actually enjoy it. I don't do much. But I just like being a part of it. It's a good gig. It's starting to get uncomfortable sitting for two hours watching a movie every night, but it's cool. I can deal with it. It'll be even more uncomfortable next week, but it's fine. I'll live.
Hahaha, I think the kid has hiccups. And it's moving around a lot this morning. I can see it through my robe and tank top. I imagine it's getting crowded in there.
So I suppose I'll eat and get on with my day here. Hair appointment, doctor's appointment, I need to finish the movie for tonight. Busy day. At least it's summer!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Seriously Annoyed.
Argh!! I'm so pissed today at this stupid student who I granted an "incomplete" to--and the I only reason I did so was because the doctor from the counseling services called me and asked me to. Biggest mistake ever!
Here's what been going on in the last 1.5 weeks. Student has been sending one of the remaining essays to the wrong email and has been getting pissed off at me for not responding. Uh, yeah, it's the wrong email, so how is that *my* fault. Ze has also had hir father email my boss about my not doing my job--giving the student the assignments and what not. Um, yeah, stu had them (and they are on-line at that!) a good two weeks before the end of the spring quarter.
When Stu finally got the essay to the correct email, Stu notified me that I needed to grade hir work ASAP (yes, actually said, "I need this ASAP") because ze has lost hir scholarship over the incomplete. Not my problem. Now, if this were the last assignment that Stu owed me, I would have complied. But Stu still owes me another essay. Essay 5 is a take home final that asks the students to reflect on all of their writing and participation during the quarter. Essay 5 is contingent on writing Essay 4, but not contingent on receiving a grade for it. During the quarter, Essay 4 is due the Monday of Finals Week and Essay 5 is due that Wednesday, so NO ONE gets the benefit of a graded Essay 4. And the grade isn't necessary either. So Stu claims that I'm the one holding up hir work and that it's my fault that ze cannot contest hir scholarship because I'm not doing my job, which is what ze once again told hir father which is what hir father told my boss who now wants to know why I haven't made the grade change yet. Now, the tone of my boss's email was not one that was angry, but you could tell that my boss certainly thinks that I'm the one who has dropped the ball. Rather than asking me if the student has completed all of hir work, she assumed that the student had and has asked me to change the grade ASAP! What the fuck!?
Look, I think you should give me the benefit of the doubt in that I know how to do my job and if Stu had turned in hir work, it'd be graded. I think you should ask me first what the status of Stu's level of involvement is in hir responsibility before taking Stu's father's word for it that I'm costing his kid hir college education.
I'm not doing this shit again. You know, it'd be different, too, if Stu had been a good student throughout the quarter as well. But Stu missed like 8 days. And I'm going to drive myself nuts now going through my office tomorrow to find that grade sheet with all hir absences on it because I don't think that ze is passing the class, as hir grades stand now, with a C. And I need to have all of my ducks in a row, too, because if ze loses hir scholarship, then I'm going to have to spend the summer, dealing with this.
You know, this is so why I had my current boss at the bottom of my recommendations when she applied for the job full time. I feel quite confident in saying that I know what I'm doing and have shown that I know what I'm doing, and if I don't know something, I ask. I've given no one any reason to second guess me, and that's what this feels like. I'm just pissed that my boss assumed that my student was telling the truth about hir work without checking with me first. You know, the goddamn Spring AND Summer quarters are over! I'm officially UN-FUCKING-EMPLOYED for the summer. I should NOT have to deal with this shit. And no, I don't think dealing with bratty students who can't get their shit together over the summer is in my job description. Give me a year round paycheck and yes, I'll deal. But this is officially my time now. Plus, I think the student's grade should have been changed to an F by the end of the first summer quarter since ze didn't feel enough of a push to get hir work done in the extra 8 weeks ze's had since the end of the spring quarter.
ETA: While probably against my better judgment and my ethical principles, but for the sake of not having to deal with Stu or hir dad (who I found out sent a letter to the DEAN! COMPLAINING! that I was holding his kid's scholarship up!! what a douchebag), if Stu is close enough to a fucking C, I'm giving it to hir just so I don't have to deal with it and I'll let hir hang hirself in 102. I can't be dealing with grade challenges and shit all fucking summer, especially since my attendance sheet is in Home City. And this is totally my fault for having cut the student some slack in the first place during the quarter. Back to mean lady. It's not worth it. But I'm totally taking the easy way out here. This isn't a battle I can win. And I feel like I'm going to be undermined anyway since the dean is involved now. Punk ass motherfucker.
Here's what been going on in the last 1.5 weeks. Student has been sending one of the remaining essays to the wrong email and has been getting pissed off at me for not responding. Uh, yeah, it's the wrong email, so how is that *my* fault. Ze has also had hir father email my boss about my not doing my job--giving the student the assignments and what not. Um, yeah, stu had them (and they are on-line at that!) a good two weeks before the end of the spring quarter.
When Stu finally got the essay to the correct email, Stu notified me that I needed to grade hir work ASAP (yes, actually said, "I need this ASAP") because ze has lost hir scholarship over the incomplete. Not my problem. Now, if this were the last assignment that Stu owed me, I would have complied. But Stu still owes me another essay. Essay 5 is a take home final that asks the students to reflect on all of their writing and participation during the quarter. Essay 5 is contingent on writing Essay 4, but not contingent on receiving a grade for it. During the quarter, Essay 4 is due the Monday of Finals Week and Essay 5 is due that Wednesday, so NO ONE gets the benefit of a graded Essay 4. And the grade isn't necessary either. So Stu claims that I'm the one holding up hir work and that it's my fault that ze cannot contest hir scholarship because I'm not doing my job, which is what ze once again told hir father which is what hir father told my boss who now wants to know why I haven't made the grade change yet. Now, the tone of my boss's email was not one that was angry, but you could tell that my boss certainly thinks that I'm the one who has dropped the ball. Rather than asking me if the student has completed all of hir work, she assumed that the student had and has asked me to change the grade ASAP! What the fuck!?
Look, I think you should give me the benefit of the doubt in that I know how to do my job and if Stu had turned in hir work, it'd be graded. I think you should ask me first what the status of Stu's level of involvement is in hir responsibility before taking Stu's father's word for it that I'm costing his kid hir college education.
I'm not doing this shit again. You know, it'd be different, too, if Stu had been a good student throughout the quarter as well. But Stu missed like 8 days. And I'm going to drive myself nuts now going through my office tomorrow to find that grade sheet with all hir absences on it because I don't think that ze is passing the class, as hir grades stand now, with a C. And I need to have all of my ducks in a row, too, because if ze loses hir scholarship, then I'm going to have to spend the summer, dealing with this.
You know, this is so why I had my current boss at the bottom of my recommendations when she applied for the job full time. I feel quite confident in saying that I know what I'm doing and have shown that I know what I'm doing, and if I don't know something, I ask. I've given no one any reason to second guess me, and that's what this feels like. I'm just pissed that my boss assumed that my student was telling the truth about hir work without checking with me first. You know, the goddamn Spring AND Summer quarters are over! I'm officially UN-FUCKING-EMPLOYED for the summer. I should NOT have to deal with this shit. And no, I don't think dealing with bratty students who can't get their shit together over the summer is in my job description. Give me a year round paycheck and yes, I'll deal. But this is officially my time now. Plus, I think the student's grade should have been changed to an F by the end of the first summer quarter since ze didn't feel enough of a push to get hir work done in the extra 8 weeks ze's had since the end of the spring quarter.
ETA: While probably against my better judgment and my ethical principles, but for the sake of not having to deal with Stu or hir dad (who I found out sent a letter to the DEAN! COMPLAINING! that I was holding his kid's scholarship up!! what a douchebag), if Stu is close enough to a fucking C, I'm giving it to hir just so I don't have to deal with it and I'll let hir hang hirself in 102. I can't be dealing with grade challenges and shit all fucking summer, especially since my attendance sheet is in Home City. And this is totally my fault for having cut the student some slack in the first place during the quarter. Back to mean lady. It's not worth it. But I'm totally taking the easy way out here. This isn't a battle I can win. And I feel like I'm going to be undermined anyway since the dean is involved now. Punk ass motherfucker.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Grrr. another Funk. go away Funks!!
Argh, after all my planning, all my whatever this quarter, I cannot, for my life, bring myself to care about the final weeks of the quarter. I am having a hard time really caring about the comp class. I know, it's totally terrible. totally and completely terrible. As it turns out, I wanted so little to have to work yesterday that I just got wasted Friday night. And of course I woke up Saturday in tears because I did exactly what I didn't want to do, but I know why I drank as much as I did and why I didn't go home when I was still ahead--I just did not want to spend my Saturday working and working on the comp class at that. I technically have three weeks left because we don't have an official finals week. I just seriously could care less. Even though I felt fine by about 3:30, I still didn't bother to work or grade. I'll have to leave the g'parents' early today in order to catch up on my reading. I hate to say that I.JUST.DONT.CARE. Mostly because I just don't know what else to do for them.
Case in point. Of the 18 drafts that I received (there are more than 18 students in the class) for peer review, for a three page paper, 2 came close to a full draft, only one turned in a full draft. About 5 of them were a paragraph only. Seriously. A paragraph for a peer review draft! A fucking paragraph! And then about 5 turned in a page. One fucking page. I guess that's better than a paragraph, but are you fucking kidding me? 7 weeks into the quarter, and this is what you bring to the class and what you bring to me for feedback? So I'm assuming then that about half the class is going to fail this next essay. And that half the class is going to be in my office for feedback for their revisions. I have already decided that if it's lower than a C, I'm not commenting on the essay at all. Because given the amount of effort put into the rough drafts, I'm not wasting my time to be frank.
Rather I just spent all day yesterday totally feeling sorry for myself. It's quite pathetic. This quarter has just been marked by death and bad news, friends moving... I guess that's a lot to deal with in 7 weeks in addition to a class that's just full of a bunch of freaking duds.
I'm done. I want the quarter to be over. And I'm finding that I'm having a hard time actually getting psyched up for the summer quarter. I just don't care. I'm tired. I'm tired of freshman. I know that's terrible to say.
Plus I have this damn conference paper that I need to write. I'm not behind on classwork yet, but I'm getting there. This should have been a weekend where I was able to get things done because the husband if off at drill, but that's totally not the case. It's been a waste.
I hate being in a funk. I'm totally in a funk.
Despite the few ups that I've had this quarter (although to be fair, I always feel better after I totally just rant here on the blog), I just can't break this funk for more than a few days at a time. It's frustrating. I'm just frustrated, to the max. With everything right now. Myself, my teaching, my scholarship. Yes, I know two days ago I was all "yay for getting to concentrate on me!! woo-hoo!!" but I'm not feeling that this morning.
So, I think what I might do before the g'parents is just shower and then plow through everything I can before I head out over there. It means that I won't get the work out in today or not until later, but I think I might feel better if I get the school monkey off my back rather than delaying the inevitable.
ugh. Sorry for the negativity, but I'm hoping the vent helps me feel better.
And I have a very cute mutt whining to go outside. I can't resist that faces.
Case in point. Of the 18 drafts that I received (there are more than 18 students in the class) for peer review, for a three page paper, 2 came close to a full draft, only one turned in a full draft. About 5 of them were a paragraph only. Seriously. A paragraph for a peer review draft! A fucking paragraph! And then about 5 turned in a page. One fucking page. I guess that's better than a paragraph, but are you fucking kidding me? 7 weeks into the quarter, and this is what you bring to the class and what you bring to me for feedback? So I'm assuming then that about half the class is going to fail this next essay. And that half the class is going to be in my office for feedback for their revisions. I have already decided that if it's lower than a C, I'm not commenting on the essay at all. Because given the amount of effort put into the rough drafts, I'm not wasting my time to be frank.
Rather I just spent all day yesterday totally feeling sorry for myself. It's quite pathetic. This quarter has just been marked by death and bad news, friends moving... I guess that's a lot to deal with in 7 weeks in addition to a class that's just full of a bunch of freaking duds.
I'm done. I want the quarter to be over. And I'm finding that I'm having a hard time actually getting psyched up for the summer quarter. I just don't care. I'm tired. I'm tired of freshman. I know that's terrible to say.
Plus I have this damn conference paper that I need to write. I'm not behind on classwork yet, but I'm getting there. This should have been a weekend where I was able to get things done because the husband if off at drill, but that's totally not the case. It's been a waste.
I hate being in a funk. I'm totally in a funk.
Despite the few ups that I've had this quarter (although to be fair, I always feel better after I totally just rant here on the blog), I just can't break this funk for more than a few days at a time. It's frustrating. I'm just frustrated, to the max. With everything right now. Myself, my teaching, my scholarship. Yes, I know two days ago I was all "yay for getting to concentrate on me!! woo-hoo!!" but I'm not feeling that this morning.
So, I think what I might do before the g'parents is just shower and then plow through everything I can before I head out over there. It means that I won't get the work out in today or not until later, but I think I might feel better if I get the school monkey off my back rather than delaying the inevitable.
ugh. Sorry for the negativity, but I'm hoping the vent helps me feel better.
And I have a very cute mutt whining to go outside. I can't resist that faces.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Another Rant: The Honeymoon is Over Edition
It seems I'm really angry these days. I apologize for the negative spew that is on the blog lately, but there are lots of things bothering me right now.
Look, for all my complaints about my boss in Fancy Town--ze was most of the time condescending toward me. If students complain, hir first course of action was to question my pedagogical reasoning behind everything to the point to where I had to first think about how I would defend an assignment before I even started creating an assignment, which is just stressful out the ass. Everything I did was questioned. But at least ze was competent--for the most part, as far as schedules and getting me the stuff I needed, whatever. Ze was a tool during my last eval meeting but whatever.
Right now, I can't not complain about my boss. Interim though ze is, oh.dear.god.
During my job interview, I was asked if I would and could teach the theory class because apparently there was this theory class on the books that was required, and since the person who had taught for the last five years didn't get tenure and was gone, they were scrambling because NOBODY wanted to teach this class. I jumped on it. "Are you kidding?? That's my favorite class to teach! I have so many ideas for the theory classes! I LOVE this kind of class. If I taught nothing else, I'd be happy." Response: "That's great to hear because no one wants to touch this, at all." --Hang on to this anecdote.
I'm at my eval meeting.
Boss: "Are you happy here?" Me: [enthusiastically] Yes! I love it here!" Boss: "Oh, you can be honest. You don't have to just say that." Me: "I'm not. I do like it here a lot!" Boss: "Are you sure? You don't have to tell me what you think I want to hear."
Head/desk.
Evals.
Let me tell you--my evals from Winter--amazing. Total complete 180 from the Fall quarter, which I expected to be on the lower side. New place. Moving from semester to quarter. Admittedly I piled too much into the lit class--I crammed a semester into a quarter, and I got called on it by the students. For each section, I had a 2.9 on one question. The rest were average--3.3/3.2/3.4. Not bad. Not excellent, but good. In my meeting, boss asks me about my evals. I explain that Fall was about where I expected it to be; I made the appropriate changes, and voila! Look how high they were in the Winter. Boss: "Yes your evals for the Winter were off the chart. Well higher than the Department or Uni average." Me: "Yes, I'm quite pleased." Boss: "I wouldn't worry too much then about those 2.9 from the Fall." Me: "It's okay. I'm not. I expected that, and because I knew what I did wrong, I changed some things in the class, and clearly they were the right changes." Boss: "I agree. But what I'm saying is that you shouldn't obsess over those 2.9s." Me: "Okay, I'm not." Boss: "yes, well, I agree. But really, I'm saying that you don't need to worry about the 2.9s. You really shouldn't obsess over them. You're record stands for itself right now, so don't worry about them." Me: "Okay." Boss: "Okay, good, just don't think about those 2.9s."
Head/desk.
So, um, yeah, is that a passive aggressive way of telling me that this is going to hurt me one day, or are you just not listening? Frustration point #1.
Publications:
Boss: "Wow, you're ahead of the curve right now! I can't believe you did so much this year already!" Me: "that's good to know." Boss: "So this one that was accepted in October, I don't know if that will count because obviously you did it before you got here." Me: "No, I didn't. I signed this contract for the job here first, then I signed the other contract, and I didn't start working on it until I got here. I sent it off at the beginning of Fall quarter. It will be published with BLT-U after my name, not under my old job. It's affiliated with this Uni." Boss: "Oh, but you wrote it before Fall quarter started." Me: "Yes, after I left my other job. It's my name, BLT-U in the publication." Boss: "But it was accepted in October. " Me: "Yesssss?" Boss: "Okay, I guess this one won't be a problem." Me: "Okay?" Boss: "This other one, is that real [as in legit]? It says there's "newsletter" in the title. So that's not an actual publication that was peer-reviewed then." Me: "No, it's legit. It's out of major university. The editors are two of the top people in the field right now. They read and approve all the submissions because it's still small, but it's run by major scholars and isn't a society or conference proceedings thing. I think they put "newsletter" in the subtitle because they also include interviews, CFPs in the field, bibliographies of major scholarship in the field. It's not something stapled together and sent out." Boss: "Oh, well, I'm not sure." Me: "Okay...??" Boss: "How many pages is pub one?" Me: "19." Boss: "How many pages is pub 2?" Me: "About 9." Boss: "Oh, wow, you're already over half of the minimum requirement for publications then. Wow, you're doing really well!"
Head/desk--after ze just told me that the two in question might not be really legit. So wtf?
Boss: "So what's your scholarship plan?" Me: "To do x, y, z, get past the min requirements, get a cushion and get that set and then start working on my book." Boss: "You don't need a book." Me: " I want to write a book." Boss: "you should start doing that now, just in case you can't find a publisher."
?????
And now, the thing that has me the most cheesed off--
Boss: "So, what's your favorite class that you like to teach?" Me: [enthusiasm out the wazzoo] The theory class! I love that class so much. Hands down my favorite." Boss: "oh, that's going to be a problem." Me: [quizzical look]. Boss: "See, senior prof has been clammering for it for some time; Ze has been wanting to teach it for forever, so we're giving it to hir. You got it last year because the dean wanted you to teach it [that should say enough right there, I think, but whatever]." Me: "okay, I'll share with senior prof." Boss: "Well, other new hire also wants it, so I'm not sure that you're going to get to keep teaching it." Me: "I don't care what other new hire wants. That's my class. Ze cannot have it, and I will fight hir for it." Boss: "But new hire really wants to teach it." Me: "So? Ze cannot have it. I won't let hir. I'll share with senior prof. But new hire can't have it." Boss: [frown.] "How would you rate your collegiality?" Me: "Perfect."
Seriously? Prior to my teaching it NO ONE wanted to touch that class. Now EVERYONE wants it and I'm supposed to be nice and help everyone out. Meanwhile, new hire (who by the way hasn't published as much as me this year--ze may have done something in grad school, but since being here, nothing) already has gotten an upper division class and a GRAD class mind you, and I've only gotten one required majors class--the theory class--and I'm supposed to roll over and be "collegial" about giving up the class. Fuck that. I was brought in to teach that class. New Hire said that didn't even come up in hir interview. Well, I'd like to think there was a reason for that. I was hired to teach this class.
Look, I know this is the nature of the beast, but I feel totally betrayed by these two colleagues/friends who are muscling in on my class all of a sudden. You know why? Because before I got here, the students talked about that class like a necessary evil. When I taught it in the Winter, the word around the halls were that theory is awesome. That the students continued their theory discussion in their other classes before those classes started. That the class fucking rocked. It's not because of the theory. It's because of me goddammit.
Look, I don't normally toot my own horn, but I rock at that class.
And you know what, I fucking picked that territory because no one else fucking wanted it. And I'm not letting that go without a fight.
For now, though, it means that it will be 2013 before I get to teach that class again.
My boss was also critical of the "cushy" schedule that I had in the Winter. Hmmm, 8 am theory class, a huge break, and an 8 am lit class. Cushy, right. Should I point out that ze was the one who chose those classes and times for me?
Head/desk.
I seriously am so nettled right now. I will eventually calm down and relax. I'll eventually get over it. But right now, GRRRRRR! I shake my fist in the air in irateness.
And on an unrelated note: the postman is hoarding my contacts. Seriously. Told the eye doctor he attempted to deliver them, unbeknownst to me, and that he would try again today. I watched that mofo drive away without attempting to deliver anything.
Also, this week I broke my French Press. And I dropped the very expensive watch that the husband gave me for my graduation present and broke that, too. I got two grease burns making falafel. And one of the first friends that I made here got a really great job out of state and left this morning. Shit ass motherfucking week. Also, my allergies are kicking my ass, too. Not happy.
Look, for all my complaints about my boss in Fancy Town--ze was most of the time condescending toward me. If students complain, hir first course of action was to question my pedagogical reasoning behind everything to the point to where I had to first think about how I would defend an assignment before I even started creating an assignment, which is just stressful out the ass. Everything I did was questioned. But at least ze was competent--for the most part, as far as schedules and getting me the stuff I needed, whatever. Ze was a tool during my last eval meeting but whatever.
Right now, I can't not complain about my boss. Interim though ze is, oh.dear.god.
During my job interview, I was asked if I would and could teach the theory class because apparently there was this theory class on the books that was required, and since the person who had taught for the last five years didn't get tenure and was gone, they were scrambling because NOBODY wanted to teach this class. I jumped on it. "Are you kidding?? That's my favorite class to teach! I have so many ideas for the theory classes! I LOVE this kind of class. If I taught nothing else, I'd be happy." Response: "That's great to hear because no one wants to touch this, at all." --Hang on to this anecdote.
I'm at my eval meeting.
Boss: "Are you happy here?" Me: [enthusiastically] Yes! I love it here!" Boss: "Oh, you can be honest. You don't have to just say that." Me: "I'm not. I do like it here a lot!" Boss: "Are you sure? You don't have to tell me what you think I want to hear."
Head/desk.
Evals.
Let me tell you--my evals from Winter--amazing. Total complete 180 from the Fall quarter, which I expected to be on the lower side. New place. Moving from semester to quarter. Admittedly I piled too much into the lit class--I crammed a semester into a quarter, and I got called on it by the students. For each section, I had a 2.9 on one question. The rest were average--3.3/3.2/3.4. Not bad. Not excellent, but good. In my meeting, boss asks me about my evals. I explain that Fall was about where I expected it to be; I made the appropriate changes, and voila! Look how high they were in the Winter. Boss: "Yes your evals for the Winter were off the chart. Well higher than the Department or Uni average." Me: "Yes, I'm quite pleased." Boss: "I wouldn't worry too much then about those 2.9 from the Fall." Me: "It's okay. I'm not. I expected that, and because I knew what I did wrong, I changed some things in the class, and clearly they were the right changes." Boss: "I agree. But what I'm saying is that you shouldn't obsess over those 2.9s." Me: "Okay, I'm not." Boss: "yes, well, I agree. But really, I'm saying that you don't need to worry about the 2.9s. You really shouldn't obsess over them. You're record stands for itself right now, so don't worry about them." Me: "Okay." Boss: "Okay, good, just don't think about those 2.9s."
Head/desk.
So, um, yeah, is that a passive aggressive way of telling me that this is going to hurt me one day, or are you just not listening? Frustration point #1.
Publications:
Boss: "Wow, you're ahead of the curve right now! I can't believe you did so much this year already!" Me: "that's good to know." Boss: "So this one that was accepted in October, I don't know if that will count because obviously you did it before you got here." Me: "No, I didn't. I signed this contract for the job here first, then I signed the other contract, and I didn't start working on it until I got here. I sent it off at the beginning of Fall quarter. It will be published with BLT-U after my name, not under my old job. It's affiliated with this Uni." Boss: "Oh, but you wrote it before Fall quarter started." Me: "Yes, after I left my other job. It's my name, BLT-U in the publication." Boss: "But it was accepted in October. " Me: "Yesssss?" Boss: "Okay, I guess this one won't be a problem." Me: "Okay?" Boss: "This other one, is that real [as in legit]? It says there's "newsletter" in the title. So that's not an actual publication that was peer-reviewed then." Me: "No, it's legit. It's out of major university. The editors are two of the top people in the field right now. They read and approve all the submissions because it's still small, but it's run by major scholars and isn't a society or conference proceedings thing. I think they put "newsletter" in the subtitle because they also include interviews, CFPs in the field, bibliographies of major scholarship in the field. It's not something stapled together and sent out." Boss: "Oh, well, I'm not sure." Me: "Okay...??" Boss: "How many pages is pub one?" Me: "19." Boss: "How many pages is pub 2?" Me: "About 9." Boss: "Oh, wow, you're already over half of the minimum requirement for publications then. Wow, you're doing really well!"
Head/desk--after ze just told me that the two in question might not be really legit. So wtf?
Boss: "So what's your scholarship plan?" Me: "To do x, y, z, get past the min requirements, get a cushion and get that set and then start working on my book." Boss: "You don't need a book." Me: " I want to write a book." Boss: "you should start doing that now, just in case you can't find a publisher."
?????
And now, the thing that has me the most cheesed off--
Boss: "So, what's your favorite class that you like to teach?" Me: [enthusiasm out the wazzoo] The theory class! I love that class so much. Hands down my favorite." Boss: "oh, that's going to be a problem." Me: [quizzical look]. Boss: "See, senior prof has been clammering for it for some time; Ze has been wanting to teach it for forever, so we're giving it to hir. You got it last year because the dean wanted you to teach it [that should say enough right there, I think, but whatever]." Me: "okay, I'll share with senior prof." Boss: "Well, other new hire also wants it, so I'm not sure that you're going to get to keep teaching it." Me: "I don't care what other new hire wants. That's my class. Ze cannot have it, and I will fight hir for it." Boss: "But new hire really wants to teach it." Me: "So? Ze cannot have it. I won't let hir. I'll share with senior prof. But new hire can't have it." Boss: [frown.] "How would you rate your collegiality?" Me: "Perfect."
Seriously? Prior to my teaching it NO ONE wanted to touch that class. Now EVERYONE wants it and I'm supposed to be nice and help everyone out. Meanwhile, new hire (who by the way hasn't published as much as me this year--ze may have done something in grad school, but since being here, nothing) already has gotten an upper division class and a GRAD class mind you, and I've only gotten one required majors class--the theory class--and I'm supposed to roll over and be "collegial" about giving up the class. Fuck that. I was brought in to teach that class. New Hire said that didn't even come up in hir interview. Well, I'd like to think there was a reason for that. I was hired to teach this class.
Look, I know this is the nature of the beast, but I feel totally betrayed by these two colleagues/friends who are muscling in on my class all of a sudden. You know why? Because before I got here, the students talked about that class like a necessary evil. When I taught it in the Winter, the word around the halls were that theory is awesome. That the students continued their theory discussion in their other classes before those classes started. That the class fucking rocked. It's not because of the theory. It's because of me goddammit.
Look, I don't normally toot my own horn, but I rock at that class.
And you know what, I fucking picked that territory because no one else fucking wanted it. And I'm not letting that go without a fight.
For now, though, it means that it will be 2013 before I get to teach that class again.
My boss was also critical of the "cushy" schedule that I had in the Winter. Hmmm, 8 am theory class, a huge break, and an 8 am lit class. Cushy, right. Should I point out that ze was the one who chose those classes and times for me?
Head/desk.
I seriously am so nettled right now. I will eventually calm down and relax. I'll eventually get over it. But right now, GRRRRRR! I shake my fist in the air in irateness.
And on an unrelated note: the postman is hoarding my contacts. Seriously. Told the eye doctor he attempted to deliver them, unbeknownst to me, and that he would try again today. I watched that mofo drive away without attempting to deliver anything.
Also, this week I broke my French Press. And I dropped the very expensive watch that the husband gave me for my graduation present and broke that, too. I got two grease burns making falafel. And one of the first friends that I made here got a really great job out of state and left this morning. Shit ass motherfucking week. Also, my allergies are kicking my ass, too. Not happy.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Book Order Pissiness
Argh! Right now I'm so freaking annoyed and I have to vent.
So I get an email last night saying my book order for fall is due. Yeah, it's through the book order person that I find out I'm teaching an upper division, brand new to me, course in the fall. Nice. And the book order was due yesterday.
My boss had not discussed this possibility with me... EVER!
Oh, and my boss has been sitting on the fall schedule for over a month now.
Oh, and the book order, by federal mandate, was actually due yesterday.
So I have to basically make a snap decision NOW about what I want to teach for a class I've never taught, don't know the scope of beyond the course description which is one vague and confusing line, and I have to have this locked in for something I'm teaching in six months.
You know, a fucking month to think about this would have been much more helpful than, oh, I don't know, 24 fucking hours!!
I don't know about you, but for a course that I've never taught before, I have to think about the scope of the course, what I want to do BEFORE I settle on the books. There's a shit ton of stuff that I'd like to do, and I can't do all of it in a quarter, so this takes more than 24 hours, for me at least. So again, I've got to make a snap fucking decision about what I want to teach six months from now.
And the two people who probably have taught this course already are unavailable at this particular time. I'm hoping that changes before my office hours are over.
Half the shit that I want to teach, that are in my field, were already taught last quarter, and as it's upper division, I don't want half the class to be stuff that they've all already read.
I'm so freaking incensed right now that I have a headache. I feel like I might blow a gasket. Seriously.
It's times like this I wish I had a heavy bag.
And since there has been no consultation of the schedule, I am worried this means I will be stuck with fucking 8 am classes and huge gaps again in the fall. Fuck me. I guess I'll find out on Thursday when I have my yearly eval meeting.
I seriously want to punch someone in the face right now.
I feel like it feels that I'm overreacting, but I can't help it. This really has me very mad. I love the person who's my boss to death--as a person, ze is great. As a boss, ze is horrific. Thank goodness it's temporary. I know that's terrible, but argh. I'm cranky today. And my hair sucks today, too. That's just like insult to injury man.
Now to go see if I can get any clarity on what this damn course I'm teaching in the fall actually is.
So I get an email last night saying my book order for fall is due. Yeah, it's through the book order person that I find out I'm teaching an upper division, brand new to me, course in the fall. Nice. And the book order was due yesterday.
My boss had not discussed this possibility with me... EVER!
Oh, and my boss has been sitting on the fall schedule for over a month now.
Oh, and the book order, by federal mandate, was actually due yesterday.
So I have to basically make a snap decision NOW about what I want to teach for a class I've never taught, don't know the scope of beyond the course description which is one vague and confusing line, and I have to have this locked in for something I'm teaching in six months.
You know, a fucking month to think about this would have been much more helpful than, oh, I don't know, 24 fucking hours!!
I don't know about you, but for a course that I've never taught before, I have to think about the scope of the course, what I want to do BEFORE I settle on the books. There's a shit ton of stuff that I'd like to do, and I can't do all of it in a quarter, so this takes more than 24 hours, for me at least. So again, I've got to make a snap fucking decision about what I want to teach six months from now.
And the two people who probably have taught this course already are unavailable at this particular time. I'm hoping that changes before my office hours are over.
Half the shit that I want to teach, that are in my field, were already taught last quarter, and as it's upper division, I don't want half the class to be stuff that they've all already read.
I'm so freaking incensed right now that I have a headache. I feel like I might blow a gasket. Seriously.
It's times like this I wish I had a heavy bag.
And since there has been no consultation of the schedule, I am worried this means I will be stuck with fucking 8 am classes and huge gaps again in the fall. Fuck me. I guess I'll find out on Thursday when I have my yearly eval meeting.
I seriously want to punch someone in the face right now.
I feel like it feels that I'm overreacting, but I can't help it. This really has me very mad. I love the person who's my boss to death--as a person, ze is great. As a boss, ze is horrific. Thank goodness it's temporary. I know that's terrible, but argh. I'm cranky today. And my hair sucks today, too. That's just like insult to injury man.
Now to go see if I can get any clarity on what this damn course I'm teaching in the fall actually is.
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