Maybe I'm just having some sort of existential crisis or something lately.
I think part of the problem is that I've worked out twice since last Monday. It's affecting my mood. This morning I chose not to go in order to get some things done around the house before I came to campus. I feel like this was probably a mistake. My mood is awful. I feel awful. My body feels stiff and angry at me. Yeah, I got some stuff done, but it was not the massive overhaul I had been hoping for (I even dropped the kid off early too in order to try to knock out some stuff).
Have I succeeded in getting caught up?
Am I cranky because of this?
I think for my sanity and for my health, the working out needs to be a priority. Not going last week helped me get some stuff done, but it wasn't the magic bullet to life that I was looking for, nor did it make that much difference in what I got done by not going. Rather it's made me cranky and less productive. I think come hell or high water, that needs to be priority number one because if I take care of myself, I'm better at taking care of other things.
Priority 2: Sleep.
Priority 3: Research and Writing
Priority 4: School stuff.
what I have to seriously consider is what am I willing to compromise or sacrifice for the sake of getting things done. But it pisses me off that I have to think like that.
So, what do I do? Suck it up for the rest of the quarter, the last what, three weeks, and make it through? Do I put effort into things to make them worthwhile for the remainder of the quarter? Here I am still trying to find a rhythm of some sort, and I just can't make my life work right now. it seems like other people have their shit together, are able to fit in the things they want, but I am not functioning that way this quarter. I feel like I'm getting way less done this quarter than I have in the last year. I need to rethink my assignments I think for next quarter and make things easier on myself so that I can get things done in a timely manner and still have, oh I don't know, perhaps some time for myself? I'd like to read a book that I'm not teaching or using for research.
I'm just back to grumpy, moody, and pissy again at all the things I have to do that are in conflict with the things I want to do.
On a positive note, the pediatrician got our referral in to the ENT specialist for the Magpie and we have an appointment set up for November. This is great news because once she's not sick, then perhaps things will get easier and I'll settle down, and I can get things done. Honestly, I don't know how people with truly ill children function and take care of themselves. The cumulative affects of small issues is enough to drive me insane.
The parents come back next week. While it will be nice I suppose to return to my regular workout class and have someone to help cook and do laundry, it has been wonderful just having alone time with the J. And it's little things like being able to walk to the kitchen in the morning in my underwear to get a cup of coffee, not tripping over people, really, in short, just being alone.
Well, I will grade a bit before I have to go teach. Blerg.